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View Full Version : My neighbor asked me if i wanted a quick blow job


blunttech
03-27-2009, 08:15 AM
im rolling into my exclusive gated community yesterday and i see my neighbor in an e34 approching me. we always stop and make small talk when we see each other and yesterday was no different. we talked for awhile and agreed to have coffee together later in the week. a car pulls up behind and we are blocking traffic so i say i gotta roll and this is what is blurted out as i drive away.."you want a quick blow job?"
WTF? we always joke around and ive always suspected "HE" might be gay or at least BI but its never bothered me. ive been to haiti with thi dude for 2 weeks on a project to build a childs orphanage and had a good time with him. he seems slightly effeminate like maybe optimator or h0lmes but whatever. as long as hes not hitting on me fags dont bother me.
but this was different... sure it was followed by an uncomfortable giggle on his end but im wondering if it wasnt a sly attempt at covering a failed homo advance...
maybe one of the experts can comment as im sure optimator and h0lmes have been turned down by many males in their past

dirty30
03-27-2009, 08:21 AM
I laughed alot at this, thank you and have a great weekend.

ieatpeople
03-27-2009, 08:23 AM
i loled.

your rep indicates you would take him up on the offer.....

blunttech
03-27-2009, 08:28 AM
I laughed alot at this, thank you and have a great weekend.

youre welcome but this was not fabricated for a laugh. this is real life shit. all my life i have been fag bait, especially when i was younger. i had to leave key west when i was in my 20s because so many twinks were hitting on me. i would have made a great homo i think. except im not attracted to the ballbag, and i think thats the essence of being a good homo. i just wished as many women were attracted to me as homos when i was single

blunttech
03-27-2009, 08:29 AM
i loled.

your rep indicates you would take him up on the offer.....

and if you were totally honest with yourself your screen name would be "i eat cock"

blunttech
03-27-2009, 08:51 AM
hey, ive been getting a lot of pm's asking if said neighbor is "mtriple"
please stop with the pm's. it may or may not be . i choose not to say at this time

scabzzzz
03-27-2009, 08:59 AM
Blunt, let me chime in.. I consider myself an expert at this sort of dilemma..

See, I myself also like to make others feel uncomfortable, much like your neighbor did to you.

Example: "Hey Blunt (from a distance)... Suck you clean?!?! 0_o" and say it softly so it may or may not sound like "Suck you clean?". Thus, totally fucking up someones day. Ive had many friends have to start threads just to clear this up in their heads. For me, its a total joke. But if your neighbor is offering, why not? This may be your opportunity to fart or take a shit while someones giving you dome. Look at it on the bright side?

kronus
03-27-2009, 09:02 AM
Blunt, is he pretty?

hugh jass
03-27-2009, 09:06 AM
which neighbor and house?

dirty30
03-27-2009, 09:14 AM
youre welcome but this was not fabricated for a laugh. this is real life shit. all my life i have been fag bait, especially when i was younger. i had to leave key west when i was in my 20s because so many twinks were hitting on me. i would have made a great homo i think. except im not attracted to the ballbag, and i think thats the essence of being a good homo. i just wished as many women were attracted to me as homos when i was single

I realized right off the bat it was no fabrication, I visualized the whole situation and could not stop laughing. You seem like one of those people that always seem to find themselves in one of these situations. Like the people that actively listen to bums talking about the apocolypse.

OOMPH!
03-27-2009, 09:16 AM
which neighbor and house?

I lol'd :rofl1:

Desaevious
03-27-2009, 09:19 AM
I believe this is the point at which you stop talking to said neighbor for a few weeks.

hugh jass
03-27-2009, 09:19 AM
I lol'd :rofl1:

i'm just coming up with a back up plan for my visit in may in case blunt can't perform

Massive Lee
03-27-2009, 09:26 AM
im rolling into my exclusive gay-ted community

You live in San Francisco?

Tree18is
03-27-2009, 09:33 AM
LOL... I would of done a brake stand because you cant make that shit up! and thats the only way I would of been able to take that kind of awkwardness.

euro3
03-27-2009, 10:27 AM
He probably saw the picture of you spooning with another dude.

blunttech
03-27-2009, 10:41 AM
which neighbor and house?

hes not an next door neighbor. his names john and he lives in margaret circle. if you go to the end of my cul de sac and take a right its up in that area. if i were gay id probably do him. hes a good looking guy with timeless hair like mine. ill be back, im going to look at myself in the mirror for a while

Turf1600
03-27-2009, 10:45 AM
I'm not sure why you accpeted the blow job and are now asking questions later?

blunttech
03-27-2009, 10:47 AM
I'm not sure why you accpeted the blow job and are now asking questions later?

lets keep our personal escapades out of this thread. i accepted it because you felt you had to prove to me you had overcome your gag reflex.
back on topic please

Peterkaczynski
03-27-2009, 10:50 AM
lol would read again:rofl1:

Massive Lee
03-27-2009, 10:55 AM
... if you go to the end of my cul-de-sac...

He, he. A litteral translation would be ass-of-bag, but the intention is bottom of the bag, for a dead end. :rofl1:

Very interesting semantic, and quite appropriate for the subject. Pretty sure that Blunt hides to us he has a major in litterature and that once in a while he shoves us with subliminal grammar delicacies... :rolleyes:

Good job.

Optimator
03-27-2009, 10:55 AM
I'm sure you misheard him. You need to turn the gain up on your Beltone.

Farbin Kaiber
03-27-2009, 11:02 AM
He, he. A litteral translation would be ass-of-bag, but the intention is bottom of the bag, for a dead end. :rofl1:

Very interesting semantic, and quite appropriate for the subject. Pretty sure that Blunt hides to us he has a major in litterature and that once in a while he shoves us with subliminal grammar delicacies... :rolleyes:

Good job.


No, it's simply that us US citizens don't know enough french to really know what the fancy name for a street that deadends into a circle drive is called.

jflip2002
03-27-2009, 11:03 AM
I thought this was going to be some old hag, slut, female neighbor. When Optimator keeps offering me blow jobs, I usually just compromise and let him lick my asshole. Maybe this is the explanation for you? Maybe he just knows you guys are cool enough to joke about it. I give my buddy a ride to school to save on gas, and I always tell him it'll cost a blow job (Though I dont offer to give, rather recieve).

Heres the solution: If he offers again, take him up on it. If he gets on his knees, kick him in his face. If he doesnt, it was a joke.

blunttech
03-27-2009, 11:08 AM
I realized right off the bat it was no fabrication, I visualized the whole situation and could not stop laughing. You seem like one of those people that always seem to find themselves in one of these situations. Like the people that actively listen to bums talking about the apocolypse.

there is some truth to this. while i like this dude and im not even certain he was serious it had a creepy feel to it. i have found i have very good skills at judging a persons character.im never wrong. people can hide their true agenda for a while but time always outs them.
i do have a hard time being rude to people in real life. its hard to blow someone off ,no pun intended, so i do find myself listening to peoples shit that others would just say "fuck off" and walk away. i think the fact im friends with hughjass proves this point

blunttech
03-27-2009, 11:10 AM
I thought this was going to be some old hag, slut, female neighbor. When Optimator keeps offering me blow jobs, I usually just compromise and let him lick my asshole. Maybe this is the explanation for you? Maybe he just knows you guys are cool enough to joke about it. I give my buddy a ride to school to save on gas, and I always tell him it'll cost a blow job (Though I dont offer to give, rather recieve).

Heres the solution: If he offers again, take him up on it. If he gets on his knees, kick him in his face. If he doesnt, it was a joke.


what about if he gets on his knees let him complete the task, then kick him in the face??? i used to do this to chicks but i used a claw hammer

jflip2002
03-27-2009, 11:11 AM
Lol, thats fucking genius. I should have thought about that. If he has a mustache, though, its kinda gay. If hes up for wearing a wig and lipstick, its even better.... A friend told me.

Optimator
03-27-2009, 11:16 AM
If he has a mustache, though, its kinda gay.
True. You can bet your boots that he will likely wipe your tip on his mustachioed upper lip, and there's no amount of closing your eyes and pretending it's a woman that will help you. On the plus side, men probably know technique far better than most women. Take jfag2002 for example, he hits all of the erogenous zones with his powerful mitts while sucking me dry.

blunttech
03-27-2009, 11:17 AM
Lol, thats fucking genius. I should have thought about that. If he has a mustache, though, its kinda gay. If hes up for wearing a wig and lipstick, its even better.... A friend told me.

no mustache . he actually resembles me but of course is not as attractive. close but not quite as thats a pretty hard goal to achieve. he has hair just like mine but brunette,. you seem to show some interest flip.. i could take some covert pics like graciellas if you like.

expressfish
03-27-2009, 11:51 AM
great stuff

jflip2002
03-27-2009, 12:01 PM
I would be interested in a free blow job, unfortunately the distance is a big barrier. Sometimes the distance is a good thing, though. Ovulator is clear across the country, so I rarely get to see him. But boy when I do, he takes my yogurt slinger like there was no tomorrow. He does not waste one single drop of the mule juice.

HiTheNameIsBJ
03-27-2009, 12:17 PM
pretend it never happened, if he asks simply laugh it off, or say something sarcastic so he knows you not into it. Act as if you think he's joking the whole time, chances are he won't express sincerity, if he does give him the whole it's cool if you in to that but I'm not. I used to be friends with this girl I wasn't attracted to in the slightest and I used this technique when she randomly asked me out. Kinda regret it, they say fat chicks give the best head.

Farbin Kaiber
03-27-2009, 12:27 PM
Funnay post from a guy named BJ.

DatUtahGuy
03-27-2009, 12:47 PM
no mustache . he actually resembles me but of course is not as attractive. close but not quite as thats a pretty hard goal to achieve. he has hair just like mine but brunette,. you seem to show some interest flip.. i could take some covert pics like graciellas if you like.

so that's what people mean when they say go fuck yourself

interesting

back on topic. Next time you drive by and he's outside working on his metrosexual tan whisper "how about I cut your cock off waffleswaffleswaffleswaffleswaffleswaffles" smile, wave and keep driving.

If that doesn't fuck up his day then you've bagged a wild lynx.

myinfernalbmw
03-27-2009, 05:26 PM
I think i'll take the scenic route to the compound tomorrow to avoid said house. I do think that with that much timeless hair in one neighborhood, blowjobs will result at some point. Fortunately its not gay if the balls don't touch. And remember, it's only a hate crime if you beat him up afterwards.

Mtriple
03-27-2009, 07:27 PM
I've never been to Haiti.

Rigmaster
03-27-2009, 09:54 PM
So you mistook Graciella with her thick spring moustache and Geo Metro convertible for a bisexual guy in an E34?


I'd ask that optician for a refund.

ethirtydavid
03-27-2009, 11:34 PM
: /
why couldn't he be a she instead? - that'd be a nice surprise

HiTheNameIsBJ
03-27-2009, 11:38 PM
so that's what people mean when they say go fuck yourself

interesting

back on topic. Next time you drive by and he's outside working on his metrosexual tan whisper "how about I cut your cock off waffleswaffleswaffleswaffleswaffleswaffles" smile, wave and keep driving.

If that doesn't fuck up his day then you've bagged a wild lynx.

Win

Alecs MacDonald
03-27-2009, 11:58 PM
if i were gay id probably do him. hes a good looking guy with timeless hair like mine. ill be back, im going to look at myself in the mirror for a while

You sure got a pretty mouth boy.

Victell
03-28-2009, 01:49 AM
Ha aw man. Yes, he was serious. He was testing the waters with you in a non-commital way.

I dont know you really, but I've seen buddies of mine go through this. It usually happens for two reasons. One... cus some guys just give off a gay vibe to gay dudes. I've got one friend like this, totally fucks up their gaydar with false signals. None of us, his guy or girl friends can figure out what the hell is about him that gay dudes seem to see in him. It happens a lot. And when he tell them "not interested, not gay", then the gay dudes are always taken aback. You can tell they are really surprised they were wrong. Most gay dudes know when they're pushing it with a probably straight guy, but other times they're positive their gaydar or whatever is spot on.

The other reason straight dudes get hit on is probably your problem. You may give off a DGF, down for whatever, crazy/adventurous vibe. I guess those types are occasionally down for crazy shit like that.

They use hot girls too. Man they got all kinds of tricks to try and get straight guys. This happened to a friend of mine a while ago. Gay guys seem like they can get the hottest chick in the fucking land, but they'd rather have some hairy ass. They have some hot chick with them at parties or whatever and then on gay dudes signal, the hottie will give vibes to whatever straight guy the gay is into. Then she'll get the straight dude interested, say she's with gay guy acting like he's boyfriend, then offer a threesome. All this so the gay guy can possibly get some action while you're doing his hottie friend. Ha i can actually see this working. I have a feeling a lot of swingers or whatever probably have some gay in there to make some shit happen.

anyway, gay dudes are men, and they act like men which is why they are aggressive and pull shit like that. but they also respond to warnings/threats/promises like regular men do to. very next time you see him - dont lag - first thing, tell him dead serious you heard what the fuck he said and tried to laugh it off, and not to try that shit ever again. remind of the things you guys have done together and you dont want it to end badly. but it def will if he ever ever... you get the point. then go have a beer with him and forget about it.

Jean
03-28-2009, 01:57 AM
^ Lol about the gay threesome haha

Massive Lee
03-28-2009, 06:56 AM
Or simply, maybe the other guy innocently said "you want to quit your job?" and out of his personal repressed gay fantasies, Blunt mistakingly heard "you want a quick blow job?" :rofl1:

blunttech
03-28-2009, 07:03 AM
Or simply, maybe the other guy innocently said "you want to quit your job?" and out of his personal repressed gay fantasies, Blunt mistakingly heard "you want a quick blow job?" :rofl1:

if ive learned nothing else in this thread ive learned victell and lee have intimate working knowledge of the homo underground. i am content to sit on the heterosexual sidelines and let the dynamic duo act out their twisted lifestyle. thanks guys.

Massive Lee
03-28-2009, 07:34 AM
thanks guys.

So. Knowing that the neighbour only inquired about your day job, please don't show up at his place with your fly down and your winnie standing proud. Or your neighboor will start a thread on another forum about a hansome gay guy who lives a block away and showed up asking for a BJ :rolleyes:

DatUtahGuy
03-28-2009, 11:35 AM
So. Knowing that the neighbour only inquired about your day job, please don't show up at his place with your fly down and your winnie standing proud. Or your neighboor will start a thread on another forum about a hansome gay guy who lives a block away and showed up asking for a BJ :rolleyes:

zing!

shmutzigE30
03-28-2009, 02:20 PM
haha started reading this thinking your neighbor was a girl lol

iwillhunt
03-28-2009, 03:16 PM
haha started reading this thinking your neighbor was a girl lol

Don't ever go to Marti Gras.

Victell
03-29-2009, 02:56 AM
if ive learned nothing else in this thread ive learned victell and lee have intimate working knowledge of the homo underground. i am content to sit on the heterosexual sidelines and let the dynamic duo act out their twisted lifestyle. thanks guys.

i thought twice about posting that much. being from la, having some hollywood friends also having been to their parties I seen a lot of that i guess. gay dudes are cool with me, they skew the ratio of men to women to my liking. la has choke hot bitches, and not that many guys that have their shit together and arent gay. itssowEEezzy :)

blunttech
03-29-2009, 08:05 AM
i thought twice about posting that much. being from la, having some hollywood friends also having been to their parties I seen a lot of that i guess. gay dudes are cool with me, they skew the ratio of men to women to my liking. la has choke hot bitches, and not that many guys that have their shit together and arent gay. itssowEEezzy :)

its ok vic... i appreciate your response. its nice to get the opinion of a guy that gives off that "anything goes" vibe you spoke of earlier.

atan88
03-31-2009, 06:10 AM
Bro are you serious? I was reading your first post and I thought it was a she. I was thinking what a lucky bastard you are. Damn! Thats alright bro Ill still buy parts from you. :rofl1:

daniel
03-31-2009, 03:13 PM
atan, i bet you could get some guy on here to give you head if you gave them a ride in any of your cars. not me, but maybe jflip since he is in cali.

blunttech
03-31-2009, 03:23 PM
atan, i bet you could get some guy on here to give you head if you gave them a ride in any of your cars. not me, but maybe jflip since he is in cali.

i think the fact this thought is running thru your mind is very telling

blackhawkimpact
11-04-2010, 08:34 PM
As long as you don't make eye contact with each other, it's not cosidered gay, IMHO.

Danny
11-04-2010, 08:34 PM
As long as you don't make eye contact with each other, it's not cosidered gay, IMHO.

I'm never hanging out with you.

mrsleeve
11-04-2010, 08:41 PM
As long as you don't make eye contact with each other, it's not cosidered gay, IMHO.

you want to know how I know you are gay???????????????????????????

DREWHALL
11-04-2010, 08:44 PM
I'm just glad this came back around while the his other thread is going.

blunttech
11-04-2010, 08:45 PM
I'm just glad this came back around while the his other thread is going.

umm yeah I linked to it

blackhawkimpact
11-04-2010, 08:46 PM
I'm never hanging out with you.

you want to know how I know you are gay???????????????????????????

Lol

DREWHALL
11-04-2010, 09:19 PM
umm yeah I linked to it

Please pardon good sir, for I had not noticed. Good day!

JPL
11-04-2010, 09:29 PM
I've never been to Haiti.

lol

mr.vang
11-04-2010, 10:00 PM
anybody want a quick blow job?

T Verdier
11-04-2010, 10:10 PM
gay dudes are cool with me.



To blunt: have you establish a kind of relationship with this guy, were you guys could joke like that? If you haven't then he really wants you inside of him! Does this make any sense?
I joke with a friend at work all the time about gay shit but we have established that it's just jokes. Today he bought me a hot dog, I told him I loved my Wienner slathered with mayo!

F34R
11-04-2010, 10:21 PM
Why are you even asking about this? If you did not want anything close to homo relations then tell him that if he makes a move again.

T Verdier
11-04-2010, 10:22 PM
Why are you even asking about this? If you did not want anything close to homo relations then tell him that if he makes a move again.

Then drift a full circle around him!

F34R
11-04-2010, 10:27 PM
Then drift a full circle around him!

He lives too far away.

BeLzEbUb58
11-04-2010, 10:44 PM
Tell him to give you an example of what he inferred: Hold a .357 Magnum in his mouth and if he enjoys giving it oral too much, return the favor and give him a blow job, pull the trigger and blow his brains out.

jasonsnoddy
11-04-2010, 11:09 PM
Tell him to give you an example of what he inferred: Hold a .357 Magnum in his mouth and if he enjoys giving it oral too much, return the favor and give him a blow job, pull the trigger and blow his brains out.

Cool dude

Dj Buttchug
11-04-2010, 11:13 PM
this shit is GAYYYY

T Verdier
11-05-2010, 12:59 AM
Tell him to give you an example of what he inferred: Hold a .357 Magnum in his mouth and if he enjoys giving it oral too much, return the favor and give him a blow job, pull the trigger and blow his brains out.

Wow, that's not cool man.

joshh
11-05-2010, 01:51 AM
youre welcome but this was not fabricated for a laugh. this is real life shit. all my life i have been fag bait, especially when i was younger. i had to leave key west when i was in my 20s because so many twinks were hitting on me. i would have made a great homo i think. except im not attracted to the ballbag, and i think thats the essence of being a good homo. i just wished as many women were attracted to me as homos when i was single



According to your logic, you don't have to like the ball bag for him to suck your cock. Wouldn't that only make him a homo? If memory serves, this is pretty much how you think when on here anyways.




Back to reality...
This just isn't something a friend jokes about without some seriousness to it. Not in that way at least.

scabzzzz
11-05-2010, 03:48 PM
According to your logic, you don't have to like the ball bag for him to suck your cock. Wouldn't that only make him a homo? If memory serves, this is pretty much how you think when on here anyways.




Back to reality...
This just isn't something a friend jokes about without some seriousness to it. Not in that way at least.
go back to your section of the r3v ok? please?

BeLzEbUb58
11-05-2010, 11:15 PM
Wow, that's not cool man.

Butt seriously, I would not advocate any oral on a gun barrel. Not even anal. It would probably hurt too much and the dude would have to use ASSpercream to sooth the pain.

BrooklynMW
11-06-2010, 12:10 AM
if you go to the end of my cul de sac and take a right its up in that area.


Well, that sounds like a pretty open invitation to me.

Spread em, Blunt!

Wh33lhop
11-06-2010, 12:24 AM
Tell him to give you an example of what he inferred: Hold a .357 Magnum in his mouth and if he enjoys giving it oral too much, return the favor and give him a blow job, pull the trigger and blow his brains out.

You are gay.

BeLzEbUb58
11-06-2010, 07:37 AM
You are gay. Wh33lhop typed as he sat in his pink sweats with "JUICY COUTURE" printed on the back.

playtimeover
11-06-2010, 08:00 AM
Hahahahaha. It is just okay if a girl asked me that way. Lol. :D

Optimator
11-06-2010, 09:24 AM
Wh33lhop typed as he sat in his pink sweats with "JUICY COUTURE" printed on the back.
Wh33lhop is a style-challenged homeless man, not a 16 year old girl.

Also, the word you were searching for was implied, not inferred. Few things blow right up my skirt besides improper diction.

Farbin Kaiber
11-06-2010, 10:05 AM
I could blow some diction up your skirt if you'd like, afterwards, I'm having some tension around the T5 level, what would you suggest?

Optimator
11-06-2010, 03:22 PM
I'm having some tension around the T5 level, what would you suggest?
Some seriously dank ass BC nugs, followed by a fresh churned butter sandwich dusted with a little bit of toasted cinnamon.

Wh33lhop
11-06-2010, 03:51 PM
Wh33lhop typed as he sat in his pink sweats with "JUICY COUTURE" printed on the back.

Severely homophobic man who is apparently a fashion aficionado... sorry buddy but all signs point to gay.

HarryPotter
11-06-2010, 03:54 PM
Some seriously dank ass BC nugs, followed by a fresh churned butter sandwich dusted with a little bit of toasted cinnamon.
mmmmmmmmmm salivating.

CreamE30
11-06-2010, 07:22 PM
Hhahahaa when I first read the title of this thread i thought it said "my neighbor asked me if i wanted a blowj... oh..

Need4Speed1299
11-06-2010, 07:41 PM
Quick? Like how quick?

ck_taft325is
11-06-2010, 07:53 PM
I'm just here for the ga... aw fuck it.

BeLzEbUb58
11-06-2010, 09:07 PM
Wh33lhop is a style-challenged homeless man, not a 16 year old girl.

Also, the word you were searching for was implied, not inferred. Few things blow right up my skirt besides improper diction.

JESUS H. CHRIST!:shocked: You are right, I infer, you imply.

joshh
11-07-2010, 07:19 PM
Where the hell is Blunt I was looking forward to some creative writing.

BeLzEbUb58
11-10-2010, 10:59 PM
Severely homophobic man who is apparently a fashion aficionado... sorry buddy but all signs point to gay.

I'm not homophobic, I responded to YOUR post.:rofl1:

vlad
11-12-2010, 01:01 PM
I found this pic and it look like...

http://www.dollalbum.com/dollgallery/albums/userpics/10017/normal_Fall_Nationals_019.jpg