Physical Attraction/Looks - This is still a big factor in attraction. This is self-explanatory.
Competition - I almost titled this section disinterest. The two are closely related. We can only pursue what runs away from us. A man who is devoted to something else besides the woman is autmatically more attractive. Any intellectual whore who has ever listened to a girl complain about how her boyfriend-ran-off-with-a-slut ......... while he himself is sitting right there and would like nothing better than to be with her but of course is sitting solidly on the friends ladder knows this intuitively. Ultimately, almost all guys learn this truth for themselves: The best way to never score with a woman is to show too much interest in her.
Women seem to especially like it if you are more devoted to your bad music, biker gang, forearm tattoo or marijuana. These all seem to work wonders. There are some interests you can show in a woman that will help you to fuck her: a healthy interest in destroying her self-esteem and in fucking her friends more than her seem to work wonders. Note that the following topics of disinterest have been field tested and shown conclusively not to work: Unix, literature, poetry, international politics, and sodomy.
Novelty - Let's face it, if you're like every other guy who works a normal job and tries to live a good life, you're probably like just about every other guy. Chicks don't dig this, and why would they? Who wants someone who is just like everyone else? Something different is more attractive. Like someone who does not have to work during the day like most people because they have lots of money from business or selling drugs. Or like someone who has stabbed a man and went to prison for it. Different and a veritable ticket to getting laid.
Deconstructing money/power
"Power is a great aphrodesiac" - Notorious Asshole and War Criminal Henry Kissinger
"A woman's test is material. A man's test is a woman...if a man could fuck in a cardboard box, he wouldn't buy a house." - Rabbi Dave Chappelle
It was previously assumed that money was a fundamental unit of attraction to a woman. Further investigation has revealed a better understanding of this very important piece of the woman's rating system. The piece which was formerly labelled money has been replaced by a money/power paradigm. The two are almost always intertwined in a way that makes them hard to distinguish, so I don't think it productive to make a chart of how they breakdown exactly. One almost always follows the other in any case.
What is important to know about the money/power piece is that previously it was thought of as static. Now we know that the money/power piece of attraction displays time-variance. That is, the amount of money needed to get maximal "points" in the money category varies according to the age of the woman. When a woman is younger her perspective is different as to what makes a lot of money. As she gets older the amount of money neccessary for full points increases.
For a girl of 16 full points for money might be obtained by having access to a car and beer money. When she is in her early college years, a nicer car and enough money to join a fraternity is probably sufficient. As she advances into her twenties what we consider to be the normal money chart will begin to manifest itself -- that is, she'll want the richest man she can get.
At no point that we can discern does money ever not become a factor. Take any guy. Take a woman that has that guy. In no circumstance that is known would she not rather have a guy just like that, but with more money. Actually, maybe in one circumstance -- when the guy has enough money to buy her basically everything she wants. This is self-evident, I should think.
Competition - I almost titled this section disinterest. The two are closely related. We can only pursue what runs away from us. A man who is devoted to something else besides the woman is autmatically more attractive. Any intellectual whore who has ever listened to a girl complain about how her boyfriend-ran-off-with-a-slut ......... while he himself is sitting right there and would like nothing better than to be with her but of course is sitting solidly on the friends ladder knows this intuitively. Ultimately, almost all guys learn this truth for themselves: The best way to never score with a woman is to show too much interest in her.
Women seem to especially like it if you are more devoted to your bad music, biker gang, forearm tattoo or marijuana. These all seem to work wonders. There are some interests you can show in a woman that will help you to fuck her: a healthy interest in destroying her self-esteem and in fucking her friends more than her seem to work wonders. Note that the following topics of disinterest have been field tested and shown conclusively not to work: Unix, literature, poetry, international politics, and sodomy.
Novelty - Let's face it, if you're like every other guy who works a normal job and tries to live a good life, you're probably like just about every other guy. Chicks don't dig this, and why would they? Who wants someone who is just like everyone else? Something different is more attractive. Like someone who does not have to work during the day like most people because they have lots of money from business or selling drugs. Or like someone who has stabbed a man and went to prison for it. Different and a veritable ticket to getting laid.
Deconstructing money/power
"Power is a great aphrodesiac" - Notorious Asshole and War Criminal Henry Kissinger
"A woman's test is material. A man's test is a woman...if a man could fuck in a cardboard box, he wouldn't buy a house." - Rabbi Dave Chappelle
It was previously assumed that money was a fundamental unit of attraction to a woman. Further investigation has revealed a better understanding of this very important piece of the woman's rating system. The piece which was formerly labelled money has been replaced by a money/power paradigm. The two are almost always intertwined in a way that makes them hard to distinguish, so I don't think it productive to make a chart of how they breakdown exactly. One almost always follows the other in any case.
What is important to know about the money/power piece is that previously it was thought of as static. Now we know that the money/power piece of attraction displays time-variance. That is, the amount of money needed to get maximal "points" in the money category varies according to the age of the woman. When a woman is younger her perspective is different as to what makes a lot of money. As she gets older the amount of money neccessary for full points increases.
For a girl of 16 full points for money might be obtained by having access to a car and beer money. When she is in her early college years, a nicer car and enough money to join a fraternity is probably sufficient. As she advances into her twenties what we consider to be the normal money chart will begin to manifest itself -- that is, she'll want the richest man she can get.
At no point that we can discern does money ever not become a factor. Take any guy. Take a woman that has that guy. In no circumstance that is known would she not rather have a guy just like that, but with more money. Actually, maybe in one circumstance -- when the guy has enough money to buy her basically everything she wants. This is self-evident, I should think.
Drunkenness:
Of course when drunk we do things we wouldn't do otherwise. Usually when sobriety sets in, there is a return to the tenets of the ladder theory. In most cases, it should be noted, repressed Americans use being drunk as an excuse to do what they wanted to do anyway, so one should be very careful in applying this variable. For example, I'm drunk as I type this, but I would have typed it anyway, even though I might fall back on that excuse if there are a lot of typos in there or it doens't stand up to peer review. Do not let me get away with this.
Of course when drunk we do things we wouldn't do otherwise. Usually when sobriety sets in, there is a return to the tenets of the ladder theory. In most cases, it should be noted, repressed Americans use being drunk as an excuse to do what they wanted to do anyway, so one should be very careful in applying this variable. For example, I'm drunk as I type this, but I would have typed it anyway, even though I might fall back on that excuse if there are a lot of typos in there or it doens't stand up to peer review. Do not let me get away with this.
Desperation:
What desperation does is shift downward the line of quality that one would consider for fucking. There is a line on the ladder that is the quality of the last person you were fucking. Since one of the purposes of life, if not the purpose, is to move up the ladder, you want someone above this line. Sometimes you can't find someone above this line. This leads to a virtual shift in the line downward as one gets more and more in need of a fuck. But in terms of what a person wants, nothing changes -- you'd leave your desperation fuck for someone else with the requisite ladder attributes.
What desperation does is shift downward the line of quality that one would consider for fucking. There is a line on the ladder that is the quality of the last person you were fucking. Since one of the purposes of life, if not the purpose, is to move up the ladder, you want someone above this line. Sometimes you can't find someone above this line. This leads to a virtual shift in the line downward as one gets more and more in need of a fuck. But in terms of what a person wants, nothing changes -- you'd leave your desperation fuck for someone else with the requisite ladder attributes.
Friends With Benefits:
This is the case where you get to sleep with a woman or have some sort of intimate physical relations without any sort of committment.
All we can say to this situation is: bravo! This is the optimal condition to be in--with as many women as possible.
A lot of people try to use this condition as a criticism of ladder theory, so I'll state again here that this fits perfectly in the framework of ladder theory. A woman has two ladders, but the second one is the 'guys I would have sex with' ladder, NOT the 'relationship ladder.' So 'friends with benefits' is a complete fucking misnomer, since you are not actually 'friends', you are quite more than that. The Ladder Theory only states what makes a woman want to have sex with a man, it does not take the puerile view that women don't want to have sex, or that they have to be somehow tricked into it. If you are a 'friend with benefits', then you are on the Real Ladder. Congratulations. If you get replaced, you haven't been demoted ladders, you have merely been replaced by someone higher than you on the Real Ladder.
That being said, usually women are more interested in long-term relationships than men, and consent to this form of relationship because there is ladder disparity in favor of the male. A lot of women say that they are just having sex, they like it as much as men etc... While the second statement is undoubtedly exaggerated, there is no reason to think that women don't want to have sex just as much as men. Which if course only makes it worse if a woman doesn't want to have sex with you.
This is the case where you get to sleep with a woman or have some sort of intimate physical relations without any sort of committment.
All we can say to this situation is: bravo! This is the optimal condition to be in--with as many women as possible.
A lot of people try to use this condition as a criticism of ladder theory, so I'll state again here that this fits perfectly in the framework of ladder theory. A woman has two ladders, but the second one is the 'guys I would have sex with' ladder, NOT the 'relationship ladder.' So 'friends with benefits' is a complete fucking misnomer, since you are not actually 'friends', you are quite more than that. The Ladder Theory only states what makes a woman want to have sex with a man, it does not take the puerile view that women don't want to have sex, or that they have to be somehow tricked into it. If you are a 'friend with benefits', then you are on the Real Ladder. Congratulations. If you get replaced, you haven't been demoted ladders, you have merely been replaced by someone higher than you on the Real Ladder.
That being said, usually women are more interested in long-term relationships than men, and consent to this form of relationship because there is ladder disparity in favor of the male. A lot of women say that they are just having sex, they like it as much as men etc... While the second statement is undoubtedly exaggerated, there is no reason to think that women don't want to have sex just as much as men. Which if course only makes it worse if a woman doesn't want to have sex with you.
Exes
Exes are not a special case in the ladder. Usually when someone gets broken up with it's because the other person thinks they can do better on the Ladder. Or already has. If you didn't think you could do better why would you leave the one you were with?
The usual pattern for exes is to try to be friends, realize it's not going to really work, and then become more and more distant toward each other over time. In any case, if you continue to fuck for a while, then you continue to fuck. You wouldn't have had a relationship with them if they were not on the real ladder, so if it's convienient there's really no reason not to.
If you are friends, then the normal rules of how men and women can be friends applies. But it should be said, that many exes try to be friends because it seems like some shit they should do, when in reality one of them is hoping they will get back together or at least continue to fuck.
Exes are not a special case in the ladder. Usually when someone gets broken up with it's because the other person thinks they can do better on the Ladder. Or already has. If you didn't think you could do better why would you leave the one you were with?
The usual pattern for exes is to try to be friends, realize it's not going to really work, and then become more and more distant toward each other over time. In any case, if you continue to fuck for a while, then you continue to fuck. You wouldn't have had a relationship with them if they were not on the real ladder, so if it's convienient there's really no reason not to.
If you are friends, then the normal rules of how men and women can be friends applies. But it should be said, that many exes try to be friends because it seems like some shit they should do, when in reality one of them is hoping they will get back together or at least continue to fuck.
Why Do Women Want Intellectual Whores?
Emotional Reasons
"...becasue every guy you met since you was 16 has been trying to fuck you. Every time a man's being nice to you that's all he's doing is offering dick."
Rabbi Chris Rock
Lemma 1: Although they may not have been aware of it at the time, women who are even moderately attractive have had guys trying to fuck them since practically the day they hit fucking age. This is no surprise given society's obsession with youth and the general horniness of males. Women who aren't aware of this soon find it out however. If there is a woman over 16 who still thinks that guys she doesn't know come up to her and start making conversation because they think she looks like an interesting person she was probably raised by wolves or something. On a related note, this is probably why beautiful people tend to be boring. They never had to be interesting -- being beautiful was always interesting enough.
Lemma 2: As women age they become less and less attractive to men. Sure some mature women are still sexy, and plenty of people might like to fuck Goldie Hawn, but most women don't have the advantage of on-demand plastic sugery, full-time makeup artists, dieticians, flattering camera angles, and having 'looking good' as a job requirement. There simply are no old women that normal guys are really attracted to. Lots of women want to fuck Harrison Ford, Sean Connery, and Jack Nicholson. There is not a woman as old as any of those people that a guy would fuck on the grounds of being attracted to her. Sad fact of nature.
Lemma 3: Women don't generally want to think of themselves as or be regarded as whores. It's a sad fact of socialization that women who like to have a lot of sex are called bad names. Whores are great, and we would do well to work toward making the words 'cocksucker' and 'whore' and 'slut' non-derogatory.
Women eventually get tired of being wanted just for their body. Unless they're really ugly, in which case they'd probably be happy to be wanted for anything. That is why the easiest girls to score with are always the kind of ugly/fat best friends of really hot women. They get no attention from guys when they have to compete with their hot friend, but they can always get attention by putting out. It's kind of sad, but in terms of easy, a not-attractive-girl-with-low-self-esteem-and-a- really-hot-best-friend is about the safest bet you can make. Back to the matter at hand. Just like intellectual whores get tired of only being wanted for their minds.
Even the hottest woman entertains fantasies of a man who really really wants her for her mind, her personality, all of those inner attributes that really make her who she is. She knows that she can use her body to get what she wants, every woman knows that on some level. The success of such will depend on how nice her body is of course...Christie Brinkley can use hers to catch real-estate moguls. The girl down the street may just be able to get into clubs for free, or get a drink bought for her.
At some point all but the shallowest women will want to know that they are good for something besides fucking, and so the intellectual whore is born.
Gay guys and straight women are no good for this, a person who is not sexually attracted to you can't give you any kind of validation that you are wanted for your mind. If I only talk to you because you are no good for fucking, that's not as good a bolster for the ego as my knowing you are hot and not wanting to fuck you because I like you too much. Also women don't like each other very much.
Obviously it can't be someone they are fucking. If you get someone you are fucking to listen to your story about how your father was emotionally distant or get them to go to the ballet with you, there's always the possibilty that they wouldn't have if you weren't fucking them.
So what does that leave? Straight men who will actually listen to them and can be entertaining, smart, or funny. Straight men that will buy them food, be their emotional crutch, and go with them to places their boyfriends won't go. The intellectual whore offers both a useful service and a form of validation that no other person can match. A guy that puts up with all of the bullshit for none of the reward. A guy who does things for you and is so nice. A guy that clearly is a non-sexual being, he just likes you for you, that's why he listens to your shit for hours on end, and goes places with you, and gives you advice about guys, and loves the films of Bergman and the books of David Sedaris and Dave Eggers. And he likes you for you. You're cultured and intelligent. You can fuck as many outlaw bikers as you want -- you're not a shallow whore. Really. If you were, why would this sweet guy do all that for you...you really are worth more than the power you hold between your legs...no really you are....really.
To recap: Usually a guy who would do all manner of things for a woman would have to be fucking her. Sometimes they find a guy who is willing to do shit for them even though he is not getting laid. This is like a guy finding a girl who wants to have sex and then leave. They basically get to feel like they are worth something more than the sex they have to offer, because here is this guy who is so sweet and all that crap who doesn't want to fuck them (they think).
Emotional Reasons
"...becasue every guy you met since you was 16 has been trying to fuck you. Every time a man's being nice to you that's all he's doing is offering dick."
Rabbi Chris Rock
Lemma 1: Although they may not have been aware of it at the time, women who are even moderately attractive have had guys trying to fuck them since practically the day they hit fucking age. This is no surprise given society's obsession with youth and the general horniness of males. Women who aren't aware of this soon find it out however. If there is a woman over 16 who still thinks that guys she doesn't know come up to her and start making conversation because they think she looks like an interesting person she was probably raised by wolves or something. On a related note, this is probably why beautiful people tend to be boring. They never had to be interesting -- being beautiful was always interesting enough.
Lemma 2: As women age they become less and less attractive to men. Sure some mature women are still sexy, and plenty of people might like to fuck Goldie Hawn, but most women don't have the advantage of on-demand plastic sugery, full-time makeup artists, dieticians, flattering camera angles, and having 'looking good' as a job requirement. There simply are no old women that normal guys are really attracted to. Lots of women want to fuck Harrison Ford, Sean Connery, and Jack Nicholson. There is not a woman as old as any of those people that a guy would fuck on the grounds of being attracted to her. Sad fact of nature.
Lemma 3: Women don't generally want to think of themselves as or be regarded as whores. It's a sad fact of socialization that women who like to have a lot of sex are called bad names. Whores are great, and we would do well to work toward making the words 'cocksucker' and 'whore' and 'slut' non-derogatory.
Women eventually get tired of being wanted just for their body. Unless they're really ugly, in which case they'd probably be happy to be wanted for anything. That is why the easiest girls to score with are always the kind of ugly/fat best friends of really hot women. They get no attention from guys when they have to compete with their hot friend, but they can always get attention by putting out. It's kind of sad, but in terms of easy, a not-attractive-girl-with-low-self-esteem-and-a- really-hot-best-friend is about the safest bet you can make. Back to the matter at hand. Just like intellectual whores get tired of only being wanted for their minds.
Even the hottest woman entertains fantasies of a man who really really wants her for her mind, her personality, all of those inner attributes that really make her who she is. She knows that she can use her body to get what she wants, every woman knows that on some level. The success of such will depend on how nice her body is of course...Christie Brinkley can use hers to catch real-estate moguls. The girl down the street may just be able to get into clubs for free, or get a drink bought for her.
At some point all but the shallowest women will want to know that they are good for something besides fucking, and so the intellectual whore is born.
Gay guys and straight women are no good for this, a person who is not sexually attracted to you can't give you any kind of validation that you are wanted for your mind. If I only talk to you because you are no good for fucking, that's not as good a bolster for the ego as my knowing you are hot and not wanting to fuck you because I like you too much. Also women don't like each other very much.
Obviously it can't be someone they are fucking. If you get someone you are fucking to listen to your story about how your father was emotionally distant or get them to go to the ballet with you, there's always the possibilty that they wouldn't have if you weren't fucking them.
So what does that leave? Straight men who will actually listen to them and can be entertaining, smart, or funny. Straight men that will buy them food, be their emotional crutch, and go with them to places their boyfriends won't go. The intellectual whore offers both a useful service and a form of validation that no other person can match. A guy that puts up with all of the bullshit for none of the reward. A guy who does things for you and is so nice. A guy that clearly is a non-sexual being, he just likes you for you, that's why he listens to your shit for hours on end, and goes places with you, and gives you advice about guys, and loves the films of Bergman and the books of David Sedaris and Dave Eggers. And he likes you for you. You're cultured and intelligent. You can fuck as many outlaw bikers as you want -- you're not a shallow whore. Really. If you were, why would this sweet guy do all that for you...you really are worth more than the power you hold between your legs...no really you are....really.
To recap: Usually a guy who would do all manner of things for a woman would have to be fucking her. Sometimes they find a guy who is willing to do shit for them even though he is not getting laid. This is like a guy finding a girl who wants to have sex and then leave. They basically get to feel like they are worth something more than the sex they have to offer, because here is this guy who is so sweet and all that crap who doesn't want to fuck them (they think).
At one point, I hoped it wasn't true......but
If you want to confirm this theory, please visit your nearest sorority.
Nease, if you haven't seen this before, it sure should fucking click with a lot of girls you have come in contact with. *cough* kappas *cough*
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