After just finishing a clutch job on a friends 325e, I decided to dump this editorial out there.
Doing your own clutch:
1. Memorize every curse word you have. All of them. Make sure you can belt out at least 6 in a quick but non-humorous succession.
2. Get some band aids. Big ones. Learn how to differentiate between a "Needs Stitches" bleeder and the more serious "die before you can summon help" injury. You should work with a package of these bandaids in your mouth for instant action.
3. What year BMW do you have? If it was made between 1870 and 2010, I recommend you take this to a shop to have it done. These model years indicate extreme difficulty.
4. You can never have too many friends help you with this job. Preferably, you should act in a supervisorial role consisting mostly of supplying beer and encouragement.
5. Budget $2-300 for parts and $4-500 for tools. You know, those tools you should already own like a tranny jack, clutch alignment stick, or a pilot bearing puller?
6. Have a catchers mask with safety goggles ready for when you unbolt the a)exhaust, b) driveshaft,c)transmission,d)pressure plate. All of these will hit you in the face...even if you are are just "supervising".
7) You forgot a bolt. I don't care where you are at in this job, you forgot a bolt. A strange bolt, in a strange place.
8) In the same boat, star head bolts always make a snapping noise when you are working on them. This snapping noise is either a)the bolt coming lose,b)The head popping off,c)one of the 16 universal joints you needed to get there grenading.
q) Humorous non-sequential bullet item.
10) If your guibo isn't shredded, it will be. Just order a new one. Add it to the order for the slave cylinder you didn't think you needed, as well as the new exhaust hangers and the new radiator that you damaged in anger.
11) Changing a clutch is an NC17 endeavour unless you are just supervising. Then, you can use it to survey your children's vocabulary and emergency medical skills. Beer and encouragement are still recommended, and it is less likely that your 16 year old will burn your clutch out again.
12) The order of recalcitrant fastener removal is as follows: The wrench/socket that should have worked, Vice Grips, Bolt Outs, Drill, Hack Saw, Det Cord. Be aware that Det Cord may scratch your paint.
When you are done, it's time to move on to other fun and easy tasks like painting your car! Yup, dodging all of the poisonous chemicals and costly mistakes you can make in bodywork will seem like a paradise compared to EVERY SINGLE HEAVY ASSEMBLY UNDER A CAR SMASHING YOU IN THE FACE.
Sorry if I mis-spelled anything...my glasses are broken.
Doing your own clutch:
1. Memorize every curse word you have. All of them. Make sure you can belt out at least 6 in a quick but non-humorous succession.
2. Get some band aids. Big ones. Learn how to differentiate between a "Needs Stitches" bleeder and the more serious "die before you can summon help" injury. You should work with a package of these bandaids in your mouth for instant action.
3. What year BMW do you have? If it was made between 1870 and 2010, I recommend you take this to a shop to have it done. These model years indicate extreme difficulty.
4. You can never have too many friends help you with this job. Preferably, you should act in a supervisorial role consisting mostly of supplying beer and encouragement.
5. Budget $2-300 for parts and $4-500 for tools. You know, those tools you should already own like a tranny jack, clutch alignment stick, or a pilot bearing puller?
6. Have a catchers mask with safety goggles ready for when you unbolt the a)exhaust, b) driveshaft,c)transmission,d)pressure plate. All of these will hit you in the face...even if you are are just "supervising".
7) You forgot a bolt. I don't care where you are at in this job, you forgot a bolt. A strange bolt, in a strange place.
8) In the same boat, star head bolts always make a snapping noise when you are working on them. This snapping noise is either a)the bolt coming lose,b)The head popping off,c)one of the 16 universal joints you needed to get there grenading.
q) Humorous non-sequential bullet item.
10) If your guibo isn't shredded, it will be. Just order a new one. Add it to the order for the slave cylinder you didn't think you needed, as well as the new exhaust hangers and the new radiator that you damaged in anger.
11) Changing a clutch is an NC17 endeavour unless you are just supervising. Then, you can use it to survey your children's vocabulary and emergency medical skills. Beer and encouragement are still recommended, and it is less likely that your 16 year old will burn your clutch out again.
12) The order of recalcitrant fastener removal is as follows: The wrench/socket that should have worked, Vice Grips, Bolt Outs, Drill, Hack Saw, Det Cord. Be aware that Det Cord may scratch your paint.
When you are done, it's time to move on to other fun and easy tasks like painting your car! Yup, dodging all of the poisonous chemicals and costly mistakes you can make in bodywork will seem like a paradise compared to EVERY SINGLE HEAVY ASSEMBLY UNDER A CAR SMASHING YOU IN THE FACE.
Sorry if I mis-spelled anything...my glasses are broken.
:drink:
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