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LETTERS TO GOD
Dear God,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
Norma
Dear Norma,
An accident. Just like you were.
GOD
Dear God,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have now?
Jane
Dear Jane,
Because they smell bad.
GOD
Dear God,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
Nan
Dear Nan,
I do, stupid.
GOD
Dear God,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
Neil
Dear Neil,
Were they men? Because that's not good.
GOD
Dear God,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway.
Your friend (but I am not going to tell you who I am)
Dear Friend,
I won't hurt him. That would be too easy. Usually, what I like to do is hurt the people he cares most about. Like you.
GOD
Dear God,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
Bruce
Dear Bruce,
It says here you're a little punk.
GOD
Dear God,
If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton, because I hate her.
Denise
Dear Denise,
Is it because she's prettier than you are?
GOD
Dear God,
I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.
Sam
Dear Sam,
Many of my disciples were hairy. In fact, Joseph wore a sweater. Noah had a big giant, fluffy beard. In the old days, hair was good. Don't be so judgmental or I'll send you to Hell.
GOD
Dear God,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
Ruth
Dear Ruth,
WHAT?! I invent the ocean and the sky and buildings and cars, and all you like is the stapler? Are you stupid?
GOD
Dear God,
I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.
Nan
Dear Nan,
Who told you I love everybody? I only like Puff Daddy.
GOD
Dear God,
Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best.
Rob
Dear Rob,
Noah was an alcoholic. David was an egotist. I like Newt.
GOD
Dear God,
My brother told me about being born, but it doesn't sound right. They are just kidding, aren't they?
Marsha
Dear Marsha,
You mean the part when your father got your mother drunk and took her back to his house and put on some Barry White and then did the nasty? Yeah, that's right.
GOD
Dear God,
If you watch me in church Sunday, I'll show you my new shoes.
Mickey
Dear Mickey,
What kind of name is Mickey? That's not biblical.
GOD
Dear God,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school, we learned that you did it. So I bet he stole your idea.
Sincerely, Donna
Dear Donna,
I created the sun which gives you light. Tommy invented the light bulb. He thought the light I created wasn't bright enough. He's in Hell.
GOD
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Enjoy! :P
LETTERS TO GOD
Dear God,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
Norma
Dear Norma,
An accident. Just like you were.
GOD
Dear God,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have now?
Jane
Dear Jane,
Because they smell bad.
GOD
Dear God,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
Nan
Dear Nan,
I do, stupid.
GOD
Dear God,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
Neil
Dear Neil,
Were they men? Because that's not good.
GOD
Dear God,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway.
Your friend (but I am not going to tell you who I am)
Dear Friend,
I won't hurt him. That would be too easy. Usually, what I like to do is hurt the people he cares most about. Like you.
GOD
Dear God,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
Bruce
Dear Bruce,
It says here you're a little punk.
GOD
Dear God,
If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton, because I hate her.
Denise
Dear Denise,
Is it because she's prettier than you are?
GOD
Dear God,
I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.
Sam
Dear Sam,
Many of my disciples were hairy. In fact, Joseph wore a sweater. Noah had a big giant, fluffy beard. In the old days, hair was good. Don't be so judgmental or I'll send you to Hell.
GOD
Dear God,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
Ruth
Dear Ruth,
WHAT?! I invent the ocean and the sky and buildings and cars, and all you like is the stapler? Are you stupid?
GOD
Dear God,
I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.
Nan
Dear Nan,
Who told you I love everybody? I only like Puff Daddy.
GOD
Dear God,
Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best.
Rob
Dear Rob,
Noah was an alcoholic. David was an egotist. I like Newt.
GOD
Dear God,
My brother told me about being born, but it doesn't sound right. They are just kidding, aren't they?
Marsha
Dear Marsha,
You mean the part when your father got your mother drunk and took her back to his house and put on some Barry White and then did the nasty? Yeah, that's right.
GOD
Dear God,
If you watch me in church Sunday, I'll show you my new shoes.
Mickey
Dear Mickey,
What kind of name is Mickey? That's not biblical.
GOD
Dear God,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school, we learned that you did it. So I bet he stole your idea.
Sincerely, Donna
Dear Donna,
I created the sun which gives you light. Tommy invented the light bulb. He thought the light I created wasn't bright enough. He's in Hell.
GOD
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Enjoy! :P
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