topgear usa !!

[TDE30]

Someone said that the internet was invented today. I'll have to check that out.

[Scotaku]

1. Every host needs to be male in his late 30s to early 50s and at least 35 lbs. overweight (minimum - all centered in the gut region).

2. At least one of the hosts has to have a drawl hailing from the south-east quadrant of the lower 48 in order to have some appeal to the NASCAR fan market segment.

3. The sponsors to this show need to be fast food, SUVs from Detroit, Home Depot, DeWalt tools and various male enhancement products.

4. The set of the show needs held in an environment similar to Jessie James' Monster Garage - complete with the occassional metal band and voiceover announcer which is irritating at best.

Now when it comes to testing cars and comparing them to others, they can ditch the "road course in a airfield" idea since someone else thought of it already. Instead, have the 'circuit' consist of what daily driving in America is really all about. It should include:

1. Driving on surface streets with numerous stoplights since drag racing from block-to-block is what we do best. It would be ideal if the route chosen has a lot more left turns than right turns as well.

2. It must include a loop through an Sonic burger joint drive-thru so they can assess how well the car idles for long periods of time and determine such critical factors like the height of the window sill in relation to the menu and window where you receive your food and how easy it is to work with. This would also be a good time to test cupholders and finding out how user-friendly the change holder is for these all-important time sensitive moments when getting your 'grub'.

3. There must also be a stop at a Costco or Sam's Club where a push cart filled with lots of bulk items awaits the test vehicle to see if its cargo capacity can accomodate everything without getting damaged.

4. They can also have a "nanny-state" checklist to go through on each car. The more airbags, electronic spin/skid controls and ample crumple zones, the higher on the list the car will score.

And lastly, none of the hosts of the show can be allowed to do these tests. Since the idea of this show is steeped in copying an original idea, they cannot overlook a truly American "tame racing driver" (see below).

If someone did this as a gag/Youtube video, I'd laugh my butt off.