i think im going to vomit (divorce content)

[FL318is]

Sorry to hear the pain. I am single now but that works for me.

Can't give you answers but you already knew that. What stands out is she wants to go to therapy. Do it. Sometimes a counselor can help. Remember there are two sides to every coin. Women and men truely do speak seperate languages so try to listen to her. Don't forget you have a voice.

Hang tough brother.

[Massive Lee]

Hey buddy.

Time to take a weekend off, no kid, and feel like lovers... again.

Lee

[xLibelle]

your wife, my wife, dont need to converse... mine would start getting ideas.
just joking there but it came to mind because sometimes in her pms moods, shit comes out the same as how you described it.
typically what it boils down to, is eventhough we are happy and things seem cool and clam, we arent doing shit. we are the boring couple making dinner, watching a movie here and there, she goes to "this american life" and paper work and i hop on r3v. uhg (mind you our day is shot after work and this is 8pm and on.)
Apparently, this unimaginative person (me) has to pull crazy romantic shit out of a hat. I have to tell her what she wants sometimes... like, "hey, i know its late (dark outside) but, we're going to walk on the beach now." Or, "we're going bowling... and we dont even care for that shit, but we're going"
I have to actually plan... which isnt hard to do, well, thats just my issue. And i mean plan vacations or get aways in SPITE of her, "i cant not make that $80 a day tutoring these bratts and parent counceling coked up trash waste" ...fuck your pocket change woman. :X
anyway, you get the idea.

as stated above, be patient and LISTEN. i have a feeling your wife thinks along the same lines as mine does. theres a lot that i've learned about how women think. its a crazy thing and will constantly throw you curve balls. stick with it and you'll get it.

[Dave]

I am coming up on 18 years this summer. Your marriage is like your car - if you don't work on it, it will break down. But properly maintained, it will last a lifetime. Things along hte lines of what xLibelle said are spot on. You have to do the little things, and make time for each other.

If both of you really want to save it, the main thing you can do is get some help and see where things need to be fixed, and in doing so, do NOT focus on who is "to blame".

Honestly, the scenario you described is somewhat contradictory. She says she wants to go to counseling, but then says she is no longer in love with you and then she sleeps elsewhere. You need to get blunt with her and yourself and ask her if she really wants to mend this, or is she just going through the motions to try and make it look like she made an effort so as to let you down easy. Ask yourself the same - do you really want to make it work?

Good luck to you.

[SpasticDwarf]

Sucks man- but (I hope) at least she's being honest and up front with you, instead of cheating.

I know how it feels to be betrayed like that.

[BigD]

Unfortunately, thanks to people's impressionability and the bombardment from TV and cinema, a lot of people have confused having a crush with being in love. No one writes songs or makes movies about real love. It's always that new love, the fresh crush, that keeps you awake at night, gives you butterflies and sweaty palms whenever you're around them. But this is always temporary. And for a lot of people today, usually women, this stage means that they have fallen out of love (especially if they are sexually tempted by someone else and they are reminding them of that giddy feeling, so they feel like they are now in love with them).

You may not want to keep reading because this is going to hurt... if she's that kind of person, then it's time to move on. Sure you may guilt her into staying longer but this will happen again. Girls who really understand what love is, and have strong values, in particular values of honor and loyalty, are getting almost impossible to find. Unfortunately the others do not make for good life partners. They all think they are some character on Sex and the City, and they have to follow their heart (which is really their vagina).

[SpasticDwarf]

Unfortunately, thanks to people's impressionability and the bombardment from TV and cinema, a lot of people have confused having a crush with being in love. No one writes songs or makes movies about real love. It's always that new love, the fresh crush, that keeps you awake at night, gives you butterflies and sweaty palms whenever you're around them. But this is always temporary. And for a lot of people today, usually women, this stage means that they have fallen out of love (especially if they are sexually tempted by someone else and they are reminding them of that giddy feeling, so they feel like they are now in love with them).

You may not want to keep reading because this is going to hurt... if she's that kind of person, then it's time to move on. Sure you may guilt her into staying longer but this will happen again. Girls who really understand what love is, and have strong values, in particular values of honor and loyalty, are getting almost impossible to find. Unfortunately the others do not make for good life partners. They all think they are some character on Sex and the City, and they have to follow their heart (which is really their vagina).

Huge ass plus fucking 1.

[mattdk318i]

+1 Sorry to hear buddy.

[silversleeper]

If things don't work out, I got dibs on the M3
/asshole post #1

I never understood why people bother venting these personal problem on public forums like this. I guess it takes some stupidity and some balls at the same time.
/asshole post #2



Now, I do +1 a lot of the previous posts in this thread. The BigD post I partially agree with. He is pretty right about the confusion between love and a crush. But in any event, I say go forward and inquire about counseling with her. I personally would never seek therapy and give someone money for their BS, which is something with no guarantee. But whatever helps bring you two back together.

What you are going through is one of my biggest fears in life. Coming from an indian background, marriage is a very important part of life, and rarely do couples call it quits where I come from. Now I'm here dating an american girl and things are nice and serious. But I find myself wondering, if times get hard, will she bail on me?

Either way, I hope shit works out for you and your woman. If I believed in a god, you'd be in my prayers.

[Maluco]

damn, my brother just went through the same thing. However, she also mentioned she wanted to see other people and some other dumb shit. They've been together since high school though. This went on for a good month or two but he never gave up. They went to counseling, and while not all is kosher, they are back together.

Things change and people change. Emotions change and then change again. Don't despair (easier said than done) but just keep loving her and do what can be done to save the marriage.

If all else fails, you have to appreciate the person for being sincere and honest.

I wish you the best.

[xwill112x]

Unfortunately, thanks to people's impressionability and the bombardment from TV and cinema, a lot of people have confused having a crush with being in love. No one writes songs or makes movies about real love. It's always that new love, the fresh crush, that keeps you awake at night, gives you butterflies and sweaty palms whenever you're around them. But this is always temporary. And for a lot of people today, usually women, this stage means that they have fallen out of love (especially if they are sexually tempted by someone else and they are reminding them of that giddy feeling, so they feel like they are now in love with them).

You may not want to keep reading because this is going to hurt... if she's that kind of person, then it's time to move on. Sure you may guilt her into staying longer but this will happen again. Girls who really understand what love is, and have strong values, in particular values of honor and loyalty, are getting almost impossible to find. Unfortunately the others do not make for good life partners. They all think they are some character on Sex and the City, and they have to follow their heart (which is really their vagina).

this man speaks truth and wisdom.

[32.5i]

^ Couldn't Have said it any better.

[xLibelle]

i got to thinking... thanks for the heads up!!

i just made an appointment to certify my sailing skillz so i can rent a catamaran next month while in the keys with my wifez

[Maluco]

You may not want to keep reading because this is going to hurt... if she's that kind of person, then it's time to move on. Sure you may guilt her into staying longer but this will happen again. Girls who really understand what love is, and have strong values, in particular values of honor and loyalty, are getting almost impossible to find. Unfortunately the others do not make for good life partners. They all think they are some character on Sex and the City, and they have to follow their heart (which is really their vagina).

I understand what you are getting at but, "that kind of person"? Do you mean the human kind? Who the hell is perfect? Love takes forgiveness and understanding. Maybe she is just going through some things and is confused. She is married, not some divorced or single woman. Why should it be time to "move on". These situations can be surpassed! It's worth fighting for.

[CAOSyAMOR]

everything was fine in my life yesterday. today wife says she wants to go to a therapist. i ask why, if it has something to do with me we need to talk about it. she starts talking about it and tells me she feels were growing distant and she sees me as just a friend, not someone shes in love with like a wife should. yes it was the dreaded "i love you but im not IN love with you" BS comment.

i am in a state of panic and dunno what to do. i feel like im going to puke. i can say all the things i want but i obviously cant force her to feel a certain way. i cant afford to live where im at now like i used to. i will have to sell everything i have to stay afloat. damn it, we just bought a brand new car together too. looks like the m3 may not make it to the picnic this year, not in my possesion at least (please keep the dibs comments to yourselves for my sake and sanity, thanks).

i love my wife. she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. she had to support me for awhile and ive helped her become a better person since we met. i guess thats not enough for her, but damn it i still love her with all my heart. i want to try to make it work, i want to go to counseling, whatever it takes to get her back.

now im about to go to bed alone, as she went to bed in the spare bedroom. its like weve been in a fight, but not.

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

my mind is racing, i feel like ass, im beyond confused and here i am making a emo post on r3v. something i never NEVER thought id do.

This sounds IDENTICAL to a situation I was in just over a year ago.

You may not like what I have to say, but the thing that sets off the alarms in my ears is how she says she is not 'in' love with you and sees you more as a friend. Yes she said she wants to go to therapy, but I'm a strong believer that therapy more often than not comes from within. Also by going to therapy it is a way out for her, she can rationalize her feelings/decisions BECAUSE someone else (the therapist) will enable her. So when it comes down to the crunch she can either be in love with you, or not, but in her mind she 'tried'.