i think im going to vomit (divorce content)

[hugh jass]

I have to agree with this too. However, many young men will turn into old men never thinking that they are "ready" to have kids. It is a fear thing and it is also a selfish thing. They know how much they will have to give up in order to have kids. There goes the video games, there goes those cool gory movies, there goes my dream of an M3, and yes, there goes my wife's girlish figure.

I am here to tell you, that in unqualified terms, kids are worth it. Yes, they are a pain and a source of huge stress. Yes, you have to give up your toys (for now). The one thing that is sure to make having kids a miserable experience is blaming them because you had to give up your toys. And yes, they are expensive.

But there is also no greater motivator in a good man's life than kids. You want to be seen as their hero. You learn responsibility real fast and you start looking for ways to get ahead financially because you know that you have to provide for you kids. It will be outside your comfort zone at first. But it is worth it.

If you are not ready now, that is OK. However, if you want to stay with your wife and the disagreement is over kids, then you should start thinking about it seriously. Get excited about it and think about how cool it is to lay on the living room floor playing legos with your boy. Watching those first steps, seeing them turn into a person... maybe even a minime. :)

If you talk to your wife about it, let her know that you are excited about having kids with her (if you really are). Then, once she accepts that, then start talking about a PLAN for when to have the kids. Set goals. Make progress towards those goals and stick to it. Show her that you are making the effort. From what I have seen, when a woman decides she wants kids she wants them NOW. Also, if she wants kids, it also means she most likely wants them with you. What you have to do is try to get her feet on the ground and get working towards that plan of having kids. Hopefully, she will be able to see you are serious about it and she will be willing to work with you on it. Making a knee jerk reaction to have kids just because your biological alarm just went off, generally isn't as good as planning it out.

nicely said. there was no greater moment in my life than when i first held my son when he was born.
you can argue that no one is ever ready to have kids, and you can always find a reason to postpone it, but the op seems to be in a particularly precarious state right now with his wife, and imo, bringing a pregnancy and kid into the equation does not make any sense.
we haven't even brought up the fact that lots of women turn crazy when they get pregnant. that might deserve its own thread....

[Massive Lee]

Wanting kids is a sign of maturity and altruism. Younger men are usually selfish and only thinking about themself. They'll know they have become a man when they are ready to face parenthood. And the day they hold their new born child, they'll know that life has just turned to something very different.

For women, it is a very different situation. If they don't work and stay home, bored, having a child gives them a sense of purpose. It will keep them busy for the next 18 years. Also, a woman's body has a purpose... And filling that purpose becomes more and more urgent as they grow older...

[daniel]

Women fart roses and poop puppy dogs. That's what they told me at least.

dammit, THAT's why i have all of these puppies walking around on my chest!

[smonkbmw]

well unknown to me. shes still not happy. doesnt want to try. i guess monday i get to attorney shop.

there should be a fs ad for the m3 up tonight.

[smonkbmw]

dunno if anyone even wants a update on any of this, lol. but just in case ill share.

the m3 is gone, it now belongs to ejnight on here.

she is gone, lived with her parents for awhile, now with her sister. i havent spoke to her since we filed papers. i understand she has lost a dangerous amount of weight. taken up chain smoking again, drinks heavily and possibly is into drugs again. of course all this ive heard via mutual people.

the car we bought together (09 legacy) is gone, she got her own car financed which relieved me of a lot of stress that she was going to fuck up on the payments or something of that nature.

papers were filed mid july. i think in another few weeks it will all be official. ill be single (on paper) again.

i got a new job thats paying me ridiculous money (more than her at least lol) and im finally able to support myself again. although im a couple months behind on rent (thank gawd for family) and some bills, but im sure im not the first to be in this position in this economy right now.

i still have random thoughts about all this and her. ive done what i can to get rid of/delete any memory of hers be it pictures, songs anything that involves her. i still have this idea that someday soon a knock will occur at my door and she will be there with open arms, begging to be come back and admit her mistakes. then theres the flipside question "why the fuck would i want to roll the dice on this happening again?" lol. i guess this is the way it goes for awhile.

im working on moving out of my condo as a further means of erasing the last 5 years of my life. i do what i can to minimize my time at home. i basically am home long enough to sleep and shower. havent gone grocery shopping since even before this thread was posted, yes i eat out everyday.

thanks to van westerfelt aka curt, bkcustoms aka brentwood lol for being a critical point of support in getting me through all this. ive been on this site almost daily as a means of keeping me occupied when im actually home long enough to get on the internet. i dont own a e30 anymore, and most likely wont again (although swaps of building another swap car interest me sometimes) but i hope i contribute to the community still.

thanks again, and i hope/pray that none of you ever have to deal with this BS. they say its like dealing with the death of a close one, and i now see what they mean.

[CJ7]

oh damn dude, did you see my Emo post ?? we're in similar boats ... you had a wife and I had a girl I thought could/would be my wife eventually. She said to my face she would have gone home with a stranger she played pool with if we weren't together, she got tired of being in a relationship and wanted to find herself but she couldn't break it off, she wanted to take a "break" and I said hell no girl I can't be with you anymore if you're having thoughts like that.

Obviously it's not as bad but I totally feel what you're into man, GL and try to stay as positive as possible :)

[318isbmw]

Glad to hear its getting better. Sounds like you made the best of the situation and are doing good, which IMO is all that can be hoped for. Good luck erasing the things that bring up memories, as I bet that's quite a chore and you never realize all the little things until after the fact.

[smonkbmw]

thanks guys

forgot to add i found out via goin through her facebook (talking to a ex boyfriend none the less) that she had cheated (made out with some married dude in a club) on me soon after the initial "discussion" while on a business trip in bend. so those that pointed that shit out were right as much as i hated to read it/think it at the time. this hasnt made any of it easier. lol, i took the conversation she was having with the dude and sent it to his girl that he was thinking of leaving at the time. mothafucka was picking up on my wife right off the bat. damn, payback is a bitch eh?

[CJ7]

heh, nice bit of payback ... I'm not judging but man I did not hesitate to get rid of everything of her, myspace, pictures on cell phone, most of our mutual friends were deleted from the phone/net, ya know? I have absolutely no way of making contact or checking and it feels great/much easier.

[Scotaku]

Sorry this is still a source of pain, fellas. The real trouble is no matter what you do to 'erase' the evidence of that part of your lives, it still happened. Nothing can change that. But if you can look at it as just a fact, moving on can be easier. There are plenty of things you can do to substitute or cover it up, but facing the past relationship as something you cannot undo and accepting what happened can really help.

In a lot of ways it is like someone dying. You're feeling grief over a deep loss. Try to resist displacing your feelings into anger or work or eating or a hobby or even another relationship. Learn from the experience so that your future can be better for it.

If facing the ex some day gives you fear or anxiety, have that conversation in your own head now and decide what you'll say and how you'll react. Knowing what to expect even if it never happens has been my way of dealing with situations that have scared me. I can be cordial with my exes, confident around bullies, and let doctors talk to me about surgeries just because I took my own time in the past to be afraid then but work it out on my own. It works.

[Dirtbleed]

It's obvious she found the BBD ( bigger and better deal). Move on bro. I just came off a singles cruise. 80 chicks and 40 dudes in the group. Was like shootin' fish in a barrel. You sound like a cool dude. Go meet some new chicks and NEVER get married again! AND don't cry to these new chicks you meet about the old one.

I take all my friends on a cruise after they have a bad break up. 7 days later that old hag is forgotten and they're getting checked for an STD.

http://www.singlescruise.com/pages/Home.aspx

[ThaiRacer]

I take all my friends on a cruise after they have a bad break up. 7 days later that old hag is forgotten and they're getting checked for an STD.

http://www.singlescruise.com/pages/Home.aspx

lol thats funny but yeah u should take it as a lesson and learn from it. Always tell yourself that u left her and she is the one that is losing.

[Turf1600]

I was pretty close to this situation last week. It was pretty scary.

[M-technik-3]

Mine is gone done but I still have contact with her due to my kids live her. We are much more civil and tolerant of each other now. Do I want her back after 18 months? NO Yeah feel emo about her now and then, but it's definitely better. I'm not in the poor house 24/7 now.

Time!

Glad to hear your getting better, I have the sticker BTDT won't do it again.

[whysimon]

it's raining in Nashville again