i think im going to vomit (divorce content)

[silversleeper]

If things don't work out, I got dibs on the M3
/asshole post #1

I never understood why people bother venting these personal problem on public forums like this. I guess it takes some stupidity and some balls at the same time.
/asshole post #2



Now, I do +1 a lot of the previous posts in this thread. The BigD post I partially agree with. He is pretty right about the confusion between love and a crush. But in any event, I say go forward and inquire about counseling with her. I personally would never seek therapy and give someone money for their BS, which is something with no guarantee. But whatever helps bring you two back together.

What you are going through is one of my biggest fears in life. Coming from an indian background, marriage is a very important part of life, and rarely do couples call it quits where I come from. Now I'm here dating an american girl and things are nice and serious. But I find myself wondering, if times get hard, will she bail on me?

Either way, I hope shit works out for you and your woman. If I believed in a god, you'd be in my prayers.

[mattdk318i]

+1 Sorry to hear buddy.

[SpasticDwarf]

Unfortunately, thanks to people's impressionability and the bombardment from TV and cinema, a lot of people have confused having a crush with being in love. No one writes songs or makes movies about real love. It's always that new love, the fresh crush, that keeps you awake at night, gives you butterflies and sweaty palms whenever you're around them. But this is always temporary. And for a lot of people today, usually women, this stage means that they have fallen out of love (especially if they are sexually tempted by someone else and they are reminding them of that giddy feeling, so they feel like they are now in love with them).

You may not want to keep reading because this is going to hurt... if she's that kind of person, then it's time to move on. Sure you may guilt her into staying longer but this will happen again. Girls who really understand what love is, and have strong values, in particular values of honor and loyalty, are getting almost impossible to find. Unfortunately the others do not make for good life partners. They all think they are some character on Sex and the City, and they have to follow their heart (which is really their vagina).

Huge ass plus fucking 1.

[BigD]

Unfortunately, thanks to people's impressionability and the bombardment from TV and cinema, a lot of people have confused having a crush with being in love. No one writes songs or makes movies about real love. It's always that new love, the fresh crush, that keeps you awake at night, gives you butterflies and sweaty palms whenever you're around them. But this is always temporary. And for a lot of people today, usually women, this stage means that they have fallen out of love (especially if they are sexually tempted by someone else and they are reminding them of that giddy feeling, so they feel like they are now in love with them).

You may not want to keep reading because this is going to hurt... if she's that kind of person, then it's time to move on. Sure you may guilt her into staying longer but this will happen again. Girls who really understand what love is, and have strong values, in particular values of honor and loyalty, are getting almost impossible to find. Unfortunately the others do not make for good life partners. They all think they are some character on Sex and the City, and they have to follow their heart (which is really their vagina).

[SpasticDwarf]

Sucks man- but (I hope) at least she's being honest and up front with you, instead of cheating.

I know how it feels to be betrayed like that.

[Dave]

I am coming up on 18 years this summer. Your marriage is like your car - if you don't work on it, it will break down. But properly maintained, it will last a lifetime. Things along hte lines of what xLibelle said are spot on. You have to do the little things, and make time for each other.

If both of you really want to save it, the main thing you can do is get some help and see where things need to be fixed, and in doing so, do NOT focus on who is "to blame".

Honestly, the scenario you described is somewhat contradictory. She says she wants to go to counseling, but then says she is no longer in love with you and then she sleeps elsewhere. You need to get blunt with her and yourself and ask her if she really wants to mend this, or is she just going through the motions to try and make it look like she made an effort so as to let you down easy. Ask yourself the same - do you really want to make it work?

Good luck to you.

[xLibelle]

your wife, my wife, dont need to converse... mine would start getting ideas.
just joking there but it came to mind because sometimes in her pms moods, shit comes out the same as how you described it.
typically what it boils down to, is eventhough we are happy and things seem cool and clam, we arent doing shit. we are the boring couple making dinner, watching a movie here and there, she goes to "this american life" and paper work and i hop on r3v. uhg (mind you our day is shot after work and this is 8pm and on.)
Apparently, this unimaginative person (me) has to pull crazy romantic shit out of a hat. I have to tell her what she wants sometimes... like, "hey, i know its late (dark outside) but, we're going to walk on the beach now." Or, "we're going bowling... and we dont even care for that shit, but we're going"
I have to actually plan... which isnt hard to do, well, thats just my issue. And i mean plan vacations or get aways in SPITE of her, "i cant not make that $80 a day tutoring these bratts and parent counceling coked up trash waste" ...fuck your pocket change woman. :X
anyway, you get the idea.

as stated above, be patient and LISTEN. i have a feeling your wife thinks along the same lines as mine does. theres a lot that i've learned about how women think. its a crazy thing and will constantly throw you curve balls. stick with it and you'll get it.

[Massive Lee]

Hey buddy.

Time to take a weekend off, no kid, and feel like lovers... again.

Lee

[FL318is]

Sorry to hear the pain. I am single now but that works for me.

Can't give you answers but you already knew that. What stands out is she wants to go to therapy. Do it. Sometimes a counselor can help. Remember there are two sides to every coin. Women and men truely do speak seperate languages so try to listen to her. Don't forget you have a voice.

Hang tough brother.

[z31maniac]

Sorry to hear that, I was going to rib you a little until I realized how wrecked I'd be if I was going through the same stuff with my woman.

Good luck.

[eurotrashm20]

Man hate to hear this man. I do have to agree with the statement that she suggested therapy as a good sign that she wants things fixed. I also have to agree with most of the advise and words of wisdom posted thus far.
I also am fortunate to have a wife that understands my car addiction (yep it is that strong). However she is NOT into cars at all. When we got married we set aside certain days of the week that are ours to spend together. We also agreed that we would NEVER violate those days unless an emergency. Almost 7 years and 2 kids later we still have our days, we still don't tread on those days, and we are mostly happy. Our marriage isn't perfect (whose is) but we work at it.
Best of luck man. Show her you are in it for the long haul.

EDIT: check out a book called "the five love languages" as it talks about how people wanted to be loved. VERY helpful for my marriage.

[Vrbovan]

Here are the facts of your post....

1) She is feeling that the relationship is changing...
2) She wants to seek professional help...
3) You want to save the relationship at any cost...

Sounds like a good place to start... Talk to her face your shit together and you cannot fail. I spent years apart from my wife... it was the hardest shit I've ever done, but we held on and a stronger than ever. Just be honest with each other and address the root problem.

[mrsleeve]

Double Post

Sorry

[mrsleeve]

Dude shitty deal man. I am sorry and wish you the best of luck to the both of you.

I cant believe I am gonna say this But.

I will second everything Holmes said up there.

[daniel]

sorry to hear Jeff. my thoughts and best wishes are with you and Whitney.