Free 1984 BMW 733i (Fort Collins)
Date: 2009-09-30, 8:05PM MDT
Reply to: sale-745pe-1400679310@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
FOR FREE – our 1984 BMW 733i – a classic, ugly, old, horrible, heavy 4-door gas-guzzling BMW that we’ve nearly driven into the ground. [Note – this ad has no pictures, if you need pictures to see if the car looks nice then you’re reading the wrong ad. I don’t even want to look at it let alone take pictures. It’s better not to have pictures though, sort of in the vein of turning to stone when looking at the Medusa’s head!]
The Bad - dark grey paint terribly oxidized to a whitish-greyish-clearish sickly looking coating wherever the sun beat down on it; somewhere over 150,000 miles since the instrument cluster has its own agenda not strictly related to whether or not the car is moving; no heat or AC because the fan is seized, but its better this way because when it was running the ungodly, unearthly scream would cause your ears to bleed – but no matter since the AC wasn’t working too well anyway; stereo and amplifier were ripped out leaving dark, ugly holes with strange wires dangling in places they probably shouldn’t be dangling; drivers side door handle ripped off and drivers side mirror broken by snowplow last winter; tires on alloy wheels (plus full-size spare) look OK but must be at least 10 years old waiting to shred at any speed above 5 mph (if you’re lucky); a set of 4 old steel studded snow tires on a spare set of alloy wheels that also look OK but scare me even more; 3.3L 6-cylinder gasoline engine fires and runs well but blows out a blue cloud on startup that would make Puff the Magic Dragon proud; the engine gets around 100 miles per quart of oil (don’t ask when I had the oil changed last since it’s been self changing every 500 miles – this is a no-cost “feature”); the clutch works but who knows for how long because you can already feel the chatter – if you want to believe that “the linkage needs adjusting” that’s up to you; the cruise control doesn’t work but you won’t be driving at speeds close to where you’d want a cruise control anyway; wipers work but will stop if they hit anything on the windshield larger than a gnat; power steering works as long as you keep filling up the reservoir; the dash has more cracks than a New York sidewalk; the really cool digital trip computer gave up a decade ago and I nearly had a stroke when I learned how much it would cost to fix; don’t even think about any “normal” safety equipment like front or side airbags, traction control, stability control, back-up camera or other whizzbang thing – it has seatbelts – live with it – its from 1984. Remember George Orwell’s classic dystopian novel of that name? Dystopia - characterized by unhappiness, suffering and pain? Get it? Get it?
The Good – I think we have a key somewhere but it may only be the valet key, but that's OK since the glove box doesn't lock anymore anyway; never been in an accident worth mentioning; not a rust bucket; has a manual 5-speed transmission (yes – even with a reverse gear!); there is a complete tool kit in the trunk (unless someone has stolen it since you read this ad); the interior leather (red), carpet, headliner, belts, … (except for dash) are in surprisingly good condition but if you’re over 6’ 2" tall expect your head to cram into the headliner and if you’re under 5’ 4” tall you may need the New York yellow pages to sit on to see over the dashboard; radiator cools and doesn’t leak, at least into the interior anyway; the muffler doesn’t have any holes; no mice or other vermin have taken up residence; no bullet holes anywhere that I can find; the sunroof works but the plastic cover on the overhead controls is long gone; the power windows, power locks, power seat controls, power mirrors all work but don’t come complaining to me if they crap out; the turn signals often work when you actuate the turn signal stalk; it actually runs and drives though I think its just waiting for someone without a cell phone to get far from civilization before completely falling apart like the car at the end of the movie “The Blues Brothers.” At least that car had the good sense to completely fall apart in the middle of a city. Don’t bet on it here.
My wife refuses to drive it; our adult kids don’t want it; our kids’ adult friends don’t want it; our friends don’t want it; our friends’ adult kids don’t want it; I can’t find a charity that will accept it because of the costs. If you want it it’s yours. Stop by and collect it. Two rules. First, no kids under 21 years of age because I can’t bear the thought of all of the financial and legal problems you’ll get yourself into. Second, don’t bother if you’re living in the same neighborhood as us because I don’t want to see it sitting rotting in front of your house either. If you have to ask if you’re in the same neighborhood, you’re not because you’ll already know it. Do I even need to say that this car is AS IS, WHERE IS, WITH ABSOLUTELY NO IMPLIED WARRANTY OR GUARANTEE? Don’t ask me to “drive it over so you can see it.” The car wasn’t even good enough for the US Federal Government to label it a CLUNKER! The instant you drive off in it don’t even think of bringing it back. Don’t even think of calling me and asking “Do you still have the whatzit that’s missing from the whizzen?” It’s yours. It’s your responsibility. Live with your decision. Period. End of story
Date: 2009-09-30, 8:05PM MDT
Reply to: sale-745pe-1400679310@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
FOR FREE – our 1984 BMW 733i – a classic, ugly, old, horrible, heavy 4-door gas-guzzling BMW that we’ve nearly driven into the ground. [Note – this ad has no pictures, if you need pictures to see if the car looks nice then you’re reading the wrong ad. I don’t even want to look at it let alone take pictures. It’s better not to have pictures though, sort of in the vein of turning to stone when looking at the Medusa’s head!]
The Bad - dark grey paint terribly oxidized to a whitish-greyish-clearish sickly looking coating wherever the sun beat down on it; somewhere over 150,000 miles since the instrument cluster has its own agenda not strictly related to whether or not the car is moving; no heat or AC because the fan is seized, but its better this way because when it was running the ungodly, unearthly scream would cause your ears to bleed – but no matter since the AC wasn’t working too well anyway; stereo and amplifier were ripped out leaving dark, ugly holes with strange wires dangling in places they probably shouldn’t be dangling; drivers side door handle ripped off and drivers side mirror broken by snowplow last winter; tires on alloy wheels (plus full-size spare) look OK but must be at least 10 years old waiting to shred at any speed above 5 mph (if you’re lucky); a set of 4 old steel studded snow tires on a spare set of alloy wheels that also look OK but scare me even more; 3.3L 6-cylinder gasoline engine fires and runs well but blows out a blue cloud on startup that would make Puff the Magic Dragon proud; the engine gets around 100 miles per quart of oil (don’t ask when I had the oil changed last since it’s been self changing every 500 miles – this is a no-cost “feature”); the clutch works but who knows for how long because you can already feel the chatter – if you want to believe that “the linkage needs adjusting” that’s up to you; the cruise control doesn’t work but you won’t be driving at speeds close to where you’d want a cruise control anyway; wipers work but will stop if they hit anything on the windshield larger than a gnat; power steering works as long as you keep filling up the reservoir; the dash has more cracks than a New York sidewalk; the really cool digital trip computer gave up a decade ago and I nearly had a stroke when I learned how much it would cost to fix; don’t even think about any “normal” safety equipment like front or side airbags, traction control, stability control, back-up camera or other whizzbang thing – it has seatbelts – live with it – its from 1984. Remember George Orwell’s classic dystopian novel of that name? Dystopia - characterized by unhappiness, suffering and pain? Get it? Get it?
The Good – I think we have a key somewhere but it may only be the valet key, but that's OK since the glove box doesn't lock anymore anyway; never been in an accident worth mentioning; not a rust bucket; has a manual 5-speed transmission (yes – even with a reverse gear!); there is a complete tool kit in the trunk (unless someone has stolen it since you read this ad); the interior leather (red), carpet, headliner, belts, … (except for dash) are in surprisingly good condition but if you’re over 6’ 2" tall expect your head to cram into the headliner and if you’re under 5’ 4” tall you may need the New York yellow pages to sit on to see over the dashboard; radiator cools and doesn’t leak, at least into the interior anyway; the muffler doesn’t have any holes; no mice or other vermin have taken up residence; no bullet holes anywhere that I can find; the sunroof works but the plastic cover on the overhead controls is long gone; the power windows, power locks, power seat controls, power mirrors all work but don’t come complaining to me if they crap out; the turn signals often work when you actuate the turn signal stalk; it actually runs and drives though I think its just waiting for someone without a cell phone to get far from civilization before completely falling apart like the car at the end of the movie “The Blues Brothers.” At least that car had the good sense to completely fall apart in the middle of a city. Don’t bet on it here.
My wife refuses to drive it; our adult kids don’t want it; our kids’ adult friends don’t want it; our friends don’t want it; our friends’ adult kids don’t want it; I can’t find a charity that will accept it because of the costs. If you want it it’s yours. Stop by and collect it. Two rules. First, no kids under 21 years of age because I can’t bear the thought of all of the financial and legal problems you’ll get yourself into. Second, don’t bother if you’re living in the same neighborhood as us because I don’t want to see it sitting rotting in front of your house either. If you have to ask if you’re in the same neighborhood, you’re not because you’ll already know it. Do I even need to say that this car is AS IS, WHERE IS, WITH ABSOLUTELY NO IMPLIED WARRANTY OR GUARANTEE? Don’t ask me to “drive it over so you can see it.” The car wasn’t even good enough for the US Federal Government to label it a CLUNKER! The instant you drive off in it don’t even think of bringing it back. Don’t even think of calling me and asking “Do you still have the whatzit that’s missing from the whizzen?” It’s yours. It’s your responsibility. Live with your decision. Period. End of story
lol
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