Well real parenting is not dead

[smooth]

I'm just answering your questions based on the science.

what we know about effective punishment is that spankings cease to be useful once a child is capable of understanding reason and we also know that punishment needs to be swift *and* certain to be effective.

there's a lot of debate on age appropriate physical punishment but in order for it be a practical or useful tool the things I outlined above would need to be met. some therapists feel it's never appropriate. some feel it's only appropriate around toddler stage. some even suggest to the age of pre-teen. but a young adult isn't going to benefit from it for the reasons I outlined above: a young adult can't be completely monitored and there are more effective ways of dealing with misbehavior when someone can understand language and consequences.

settings appropriate boundaries and communication are *more* practical and useful tools. establishing a baseline and making everything extra is an excellent boundary establishing technique. you're reaping the rewards of that now and will continue into the future.

maybe you're reading my posts as some critique of your parenting but I'm not. I'm pointing out that what you did, saying here's your basic needs met and everything else is your responsibility is a healthy model for how the world works. you're daughter is learning that, albeit a bit slow in your eyes. whatever, doesn't matter. shooting holes in things that piss you off isn't really how the world works...feels good on some levels but that's not going to meet one's needs over time. hitting people when they piss you off, that doesn't really work too well when you're an adult either. feels good sometimes, but tends to result in incarceration.

[mrsleeve]

what happened is that human knowledge about how the developing brain works progressed to the point where we now understand that hitting someone doesn't help them learn anything when their brains aren't fully developed.

coupled with what we already knew, that children do what they see, we realized that hitting children is not only ineffectual but counter-productive to teaching them how to be adults with healthy boundaries and perspectives.

case in point: your story would be slightly altered if you could hit your step-daughter. you were raised with spankings and you think they'd be an effective parenting tool. the things you listed, however (except for the ramen due to its worthless nutritional value), worked. That's right, they worked. Your step-daughter has a job and she's headed for college and she's not even 18 yet. It doesn't get much better than that. Had she grown up being hit by you who knows what would have happened but unless you wanted her to get a job at 15 and figure out where she wants to live by 16 you can't really argue you'd have better results.

Put the Dr Spock down. This is the kinda mentality that has led to our current precious snow flake generations problems. A little physical deterrent will cause no long term psychological damage to a child. I think coddling and always telling them they are doing something wrong is worse for a kids self esteem growing up than an occasional well deserved spanking.

I got my ass kicked when I was a kid when I smarted off or did something way outta line. My dad worked construction his whole life, getting a light backhanded tap was like getting hit by a Mac Truck. I learned really fucking fast not be a smart ass, or at least where that line was. If I pulled shit with my Grand parents, oh was there hell to pay (no getting whacked) ever had to mow 2.5ac lawn with a push mower??? Not one with a motor on it but a old school reel type??? I have several time for being an ass hat when I was a kid.

My mom was a time out person, but usually just left it up my dad or Grandpa to decide what my punishments should be for sever infractions. Didnt want to eat what was for dinner thats fine you dont eat, Oh thats what you will be having for breakfast, you wont be getting anything else to eat till you eat that.

Chores your dam right I had those too.

I was not abused, nor do think any punishment I got was not well deserved. I was whacked and spanked when it was needed. It taught me respect for my elders, I had to work and earn anything I wanted.

I am truly grateful for how I was raised and the the fact I had such a large influence from my grand parents and great aunt and uncle.

[smooth]

I answered his question as to why spankings are regarded by professionals as an ineffectual tool in punishing adolescents.

I'd like you to point out where I said that spankings are abuse or would produce psychological damage to a child.

You attributed that to me because you think you know me. You've taken my other statements and built something in your mind about what you think I'm all about. The reality is you don't know much about me but when we finally meet, maybe at a bimmerfest one day, you'll see how inaccurate you are and probably buy me a beer.


(btw, no I did not have to use a lawn mower because my dad, navy and trucker, kicked my ass and sent me out to the yard to pull weeds and shit with my bare hands. I can assure you I would have fucking LOVED a lawn mower but we either didn't own or at least I never saw one but I fucked up enough that we didn't' need one. sounds like you probably had to pull some weeds too so I bet you know what I'm talking about)

[M-technik-3]

I think we should all state what year we we born in before we post in this thread now, or in threads like this. That way you understand what we are thinking.

[smooth]

Set it in your profile :)

Mini Statistics
Date of Birth
March 6, 1975 (36)
Join Date
04-23-2005

[mrsleeve]

^

Yeah I had to pull lots of weeds as a kid too.

I know you never said it would cause psychological harm, but your post kinda had those undertones too it you have to admit that. An this is the underlying implied message of the "professionals" is it not. (I dont have kids so I am not really up on the latest).

I have no issues buying you a beer, Like many on here, we may have differing opinions on many things and be opposite sides of the fence, I am willing to bet we would get along very well.

[urbancynic]

I wasn't trying to start a flame fest. Sorry guys.


I can see both sides of it and that's why America is great... Freedom to raise your kids the way you want (within reason).

Mrsleeve I'm right with you in your sentiment that punishment when deserved taught valuable lessons.

Smooth - that's the problem with internet. It's hard to interpret how things are meant. I don't feel you were critiquing me or the wife. It is easy to see how that may have been what was happening, but that's not what I feel you were doing.

My original post was meant more as a rant on how it seems the majority of teens and young people these days don't feel they need to earn anything. Maybe that's parenting. Maybe its society. We do live in an age that's all about making things easier - drive throughs, technology that does pretty much everything for us and so forth.

As an employer I can say I see better work ethic and less complaints from my older employees overall. Again, there are exceptions.

Maybe its a "with age comes wisdom" thing.

I know dogs aren't people but the point is still valid. When training a dog my wife uses aethod that rewards good behavior with treats.

I use a method that rewards good behavior with treats (just not as often as her), and punishes bad behavior with a negative tone of voice and maybe an occasional smack on the rear with a magazine or newspaper.

Is one method better than the other? I don't think so. They both accomplish the same thing. I've been told that my method is outdated, but just because its outdated doesn't mean it doesn't work. I can say the behavior exhibited by our dog differs slightly between her and myself. With her he still barks like crazy when they leave to walk. With me he doesn't bark hardly at all if ever. We still see the same level of affection from him though.

He just knows he can get away with more with her than with me.

Bottom line is the guys kid was out of line and needed a lesson. With her being 16 and not knowing the people involved I can say a spanking or simple grounding would probably not have been sufficient to teach it. His method should have driven his point home and hopefully taught her a little about respect. If he does or did replace the computer after that I doubt it would have had as much meaning though.

[urbancynic]

^

Yeah I had to pull lots of weeds as a kid too.

I have no issues buying you a beer, Like many on here, we may have differing opinions on many things and be opposite sides of the fence, I am willing to bet we would get along very well.

I agree.

And BTW:

I'm 25.

No kids of my own and I don't plan on having any.

[smooth]

LMFAO...that weren't no flameflest!

[FunfGan]

I think we should all state what year we we born in before we post in this thread now, or in threads like this. That way you understand what we are thinking.

I'm 17, so I obviously do this exact same thing.

[z31maniac]

Didn't read the thread and don't give a shit.....................but I wonder where she learned how to deal with her anger? And why she ended up such an entitled little shithead.

I guess the parents have NO responsibility in how their child ended up.

He looked super cool smoking that cigarette too.

[mikeedler]

Mike:



So your going to bang on a guy that is pissed off and mashed a couple of words in a emotional display. Then judge his level of intellect based on those few instances coupled with his choice of why and how to destroy his own property ????

I think you have been living in Germany for too long

So your trying to tell me an intelligent person would waste their time explaining to a bunch of 15y/o kids about how hard he works, then shoots a laptop to prove his point.
What ever, I guess I'm glad I have been over here for too many years if that is a sign of what intelligent people do. My point wasn't that his speech made him dumb, what he did as well as getting so worked up over nothing and obviously not thinking anything through.
Sorry, but when I see something, I call it that, I don't look into it that deep.

[frankenbeemer]

DSS, Police Visit Man Who Shot Daughter's Laptop

Read more: http://www.wyff4.com/news/30462741/d...#ixzz1mZJUejw3

[mrsleeve]

wow thats sad that the govt even thought there was a need let alone went though with such an action.

[FunfGan]

I'm not surprised, due to most peoples reaction to the video, and the view of the father. I'm just glad to hear nothing was done about it, after investigation.