I about died laughing standing in line, this was beyond hilarious. I shall now, i great detail, tell all you fine people about the emo kid.
So as I'm standing in the checkout line at Wal-Mart, looking around and feeling better about myself with every person that walked by, I became entranced by the emo kid standing in line in front of me. She was female, which makes them even funnier, and usually more pathetic. She was probably about 15-16, and more to a point, one of those fat-girl emo kids. You know the ones. They're usually about 5'5", 200-250 lbs, give or take, and all have the same haircut. Dyed black, with one or more colors in the bangs, bangs puled straight down into the face, the top of her hair pulled straight down to each side with start-shaped hair clips, and that whole thing going on in the back, which can only be described as "I stuck a rusted key in a light socket, and only the back of my hair was affected". Superglued into the middle of that rat's nest were her headphones, connected to her ipod which was blaring "37mm" by AFI so loud I could hear the hi-hats.
Starting at the shoes, it was the classic pink and black striped heel-less pumps, which she was, er... filling out. No socks, leading up to the black jeans that probably wouldn't even fit my 135 lb wife. The jeans were sliced up the back up to about her knees, and the cut sections were held together by about 30 (per side) giant chrome safety pins. The classic 3-row studded belt was laced through the loops, but not doing a damn bit of good, because the top 6" of her black panties with pink skull & crossbones were falling out of the top because her pants were about that far down on her ass. The top was the usual, black tank top (barf) with a black hoodie about 3 sizes to small stretched around her like spandex on Vince Neil. The design was the standard hardcore clothing t-shirt design, skull with wings over the top of a bunch of what looks like paisley and thorney shrubbery. Slung over her shoulder was her AFI messenger bag, which I know for a fact she bought at their concert here about 2 months ago, I saw it in the merch tent. Make up was standard, about 3 lbs of black eyeshadow and black lipstick. This girl wrote the fucking manual.
So anyway, on to the story. She's there with her mom (of course) who was a heffer, too. Her mom has a cart filled with about 5 of those boxed u-build-it cherrywood colored, particle board bookshelves. The boxes are about 6' long, sticking out of the end of the cart. The car is falling over in the front like the Flintstone's car when that bitch sticks the big rack of brontosaurus ribs on the side, and she's (her mom) trying to dig the rest of her shit out of the cart from under them. So while she's trying to hold these 5-50 lb boxes with her head, she's calmy asking her daughter to hold her weight down on the handle of the cart so it won't flip over. This woman had the patience of Mother Theresa, because she must have asked this fucking kid about 20 times, in the sweetest mom voice ever to please hold the cart down. Fatty emo girl is too busy doing that emo-kid head swing to get her hair out of her eyes to pay attention, because eventually the fucking cart goes ass-over-head, and mom and the cart eat shit.
The guy from the register dives out to help, and I'm just standing there trying as hard as I can not to laugh. (I'm bout 3 people back in line, or I would have gone up there, too). Fatty emo girl is doing NOTHING but standing there looking horrified. Her mom gets back up, and just LAYS INTO HER, right in front of about 30 people, and rightfully so. When she's done, she looks at her and says "don't even start crying", and Fatty emo girl loses it, and starts blubbering away like you've never seen, the whole time spitting out fragments like "you're always yelling at me" and "my life is so stressed out right now" and more shit like that. I swear to god, it was all I could do to hold it in, and it hurt like a son of a bitch, considering I've got a week old hernia operation under my belt, and laughing would have hurt just as bad.
This thread is now officially deemed the "Emo kid sighting thread". Have at it.
So as I'm standing in the checkout line at Wal-Mart, looking around and feeling better about myself with every person that walked by, I became entranced by the emo kid standing in line in front of me. She was female, which makes them even funnier, and usually more pathetic. She was probably about 15-16, and more to a point, one of those fat-girl emo kids. You know the ones. They're usually about 5'5", 200-250 lbs, give or take, and all have the same haircut. Dyed black, with one or more colors in the bangs, bangs puled straight down into the face, the top of her hair pulled straight down to each side with start-shaped hair clips, and that whole thing going on in the back, which can only be described as "I stuck a rusted key in a light socket, and only the back of my hair was affected". Superglued into the middle of that rat's nest were her headphones, connected to her ipod which was blaring "37mm" by AFI so loud I could hear the hi-hats.
Starting at the shoes, it was the classic pink and black striped heel-less pumps, which she was, er... filling out. No socks, leading up to the black jeans that probably wouldn't even fit my 135 lb wife. The jeans were sliced up the back up to about her knees, and the cut sections were held together by about 30 (per side) giant chrome safety pins. The classic 3-row studded belt was laced through the loops, but not doing a damn bit of good, because the top 6" of her black panties with pink skull & crossbones were falling out of the top because her pants were about that far down on her ass. The top was the usual, black tank top (barf) with a black hoodie about 3 sizes to small stretched around her like spandex on Vince Neil. The design was the standard hardcore clothing t-shirt design, skull with wings over the top of a bunch of what looks like paisley and thorney shrubbery. Slung over her shoulder was her AFI messenger bag, which I know for a fact she bought at their concert here about 2 months ago, I saw it in the merch tent. Make up was standard, about 3 lbs of black eyeshadow and black lipstick. This girl wrote the fucking manual.
So anyway, on to the story. She's there with her mom (of course) who was a heffer, too. Her mom has a cart filled with about 5 of those boxed u-build-it cherrywood colored, particle board bookshelves. The boxes are about 6' long, sticking out of the end of the cart. The car is falling over in the front like the Flintstone's car when that bitch sticks the big rack of brontosaurus ribs on the side, and she's (her mom) trying to dig the rest of her shit out of the cart from under them. So while she's trying to hold these 5-50 lb boxes with her head, she's calmy asking her daughter to hold her weight down on the handle of the cart so it won't flip over. This woman had the patience of Mother Theresa, because she must have asked this fucking kid about 20 times, in the sweetest mom voice ever to please hold the cart down. Fatty emo girl is too busy doing that emo-kid head swing to get her hair out of her eyes to pay attention, because eventually the fucking cart goes ass-over-head, and mom and the cart eat shit.
The guy from the register dives out to help, and I'm just standing there trying as hard as I can not to laugh. (I'm bout 3 people back in line, or I would have gone up there, too). Fatty emo girl is doing NOTHING but standing there looking horrified. Her mom gets back up, and just LAYS INTO HER, right in front of about 30 people, and rightfully so. When she's done, she looks at her and says "don't even start crying", and Fatty emo girl loses it, and starts blubbering away like you've never seen, the whole time spitting out fragments like "you're always yelling at me" and "my life is so stressed out right now" and more shit like that. I swear to god, it was all I could do to hold it in, and it hurt like a son of a bitch, considering I've got a week old hernia operation under my belt, and laughing would have hurt just as bad.
This thread is now officially deemed the "Emo kid sighting thread". Have at it.
R.I.P 07/01/09 - 04/23/10 :(
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