Hellboy II: The Golden Army

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  • Jand3rson
    Banned
    • Oct 2003
    • 37587

    #1

    Hellboy II: The Golden Army

    *SPOILERS AHEAD*

    I'd been looking forward to this movie for months, I was stoked as hell when I saw the trailer a few months ago. I saw it at 12:01 last night.

    I was pretty disappointed.

    Now I LOVED the first one. The whole story involving the Nazis was really cool, badass villains, awesome story, and good writing. Part II? Pretty much awful. First of all, Meyers (the new agent from the first one) is gone. They wrote in one quick little line about him being transferred to Antarctica (what???), and you never hear of him again. After all of that story about him being pure of heard, helping Hellboy to become a man, him supposedly taking over for Professor Broom, he's just gone. Pretty weak.

    Then there's the fact that they changed the voice of Abe Sapien. In the first one, it was David Hyde Pearce doing the voice, which was really cool. Now it's the actor himself, trying to sound like DHP, and it doesn't work at all. It didn't seem like the same character, I couldn't get into it.

    There was one new character addition that was pretty good, Johann Krauss. He's a kind of fishbowl-headed mechanized suit containing the lifeforce of a German scientist, and he was pretty funny. Cool concept, too.

    Then there's the story. Holy FUCK did it get boring in SO MANY PARTS. There's this scene that goes on for about 15 minutes of Hellboy and Abe getting drunk off Tecate, singing along to "Can't smile without you", because Abe is in love with the princess sister of the villain. Everyone was laughing their asses off, I was just sitting there trying to figure why. Then you find out Liz is pregnant. So later in the movie, when Hellboy is dying, this creature saves him, but tells Liz, "Now give hima reason to live". Wow, how lucky! She's got just the thing! :roll:

    And the villain, good god. Corny as HELL. Prince Nuata (played by the guy that played the freaky vampire-thingin Blade II) was your basic cliche fantasy bad guy. Elf-sort of-warrior prince who wants to rule the world, so he kills his father to take his crown, and ressurect an ancient army to take over the world. He has back-length white hair, he knows tons of crazy-ass karate, and has a staff with a blade on the end of it. Every gothy little fangirl (and probably boy) were all spraying their shorts.

    Most of the visuals were pretty impressive, but the whole cast of supporting characters looked like they were just the swept up pile from the cutting room floor of Pan's Labyrinth. Most of the time, you could easily think that's what you were watching.

    I'm not going to tell anyone not to go see this, but I think it was a waste of money. I would have just as good of a time, probably better, watching this on my system at home. Then I wouldn't have had all the douchebags behind me yelling shit at the screen the whole time.
  • devonjordan
    R3VLimited
    • Jul 2006
    • 2386

    #2
    Well, its out for me, until it comes to netflix.

    Thanks for the review Josh, it'd be a shame to spend the 11 dollars to see it and be disappointed...
    Hemingway said it best. “There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.”

    Help a brother out, buy your detailing products here...

    Comment

    • Farbin Kaiber
      Lil' Puppet
      • Jul 2007
      • 29502

      #3
      Damn. That's a shame. I may go see it regardless.

      Comment

      • scabzzzz
        Estado de mierda de encargo
        • Jul 2007
        • 6870

        #4
        Wow. Figures.

        You cant fuck with Hellboy unless you got a winner for the big screen. Disappointing. I know people that will like it though regardless. haha

        Comment

        • andyman2487
          Grease Monkey
          • Apr 2007
          • 361

          #5
          OMG, the sequel to a shitty movie sucked? What a surprise!

          Comment

          • brandondan1
            E30 Enthusiast
            • Aug 2006
            • 1091

            #6
            Yeah, I could only stand watching 25 minutes of the first one, so I wasn't expecting much from the sequel. Same ole thing with pan's labyrinth creatures.


            91 318is

            Comment

            • NC325iC
              R3V OG
              • Mar 2004
              • 6565

              #7
              i didnt really like the first one, so i dont plan to waste money on this one
              Your signature picture has been removed since it contained the Photobucket "upgrade your account" image.

              Originally posted by TimKninja
              Im more afraid of this thread turning into one of those classic R3v moments, where Pizza gets delivered.

              Comment

              • JPL
                Mod Crazy
                • May 2005
                • 774

                #8
                i liked the 2nd movie better than the first. definitely worth the money for me.
                Originally posted by Hawt drift chick
                Yeah, i'm a good dude i swear, i just like to be balls to the wall.

                Comment

                • kamotors
                  R3V OG
                  • Nov 2007
                  • 7102

                  #9
                  i liked it


                  7speedshop.com

                  Comment

                  • Jand3rson
                    Banned
                    • Oct 2003
                    • 37587

                    #10
                    Originally posted by andyman2487
                    OMG, the sequel to a shitty movie sucked? What a surprise!
                    Then what I was getting at wasn't really intended for you, was it, smartass?

                    I really liked the first one, but I was way into the comics when I was younger.

                    Comment

                    • NOMAD
                      E30 Mastermind
                      • Feb 2007
                      • 1502

                      #11
                      After not being able to go out for a long time with family obligations I was just happy to see anything. Sure, it was corny in parts like fighting while holding baby and getting drunk singing, but as for visual effects it was interesting to see. At least it wasn't boring to look at.
                      Yep, not the best, but I've seen worse, that's for sure.

                      I KNEW the voice was changed from the first movie! I was going to google it. That new voice ruined him for me too.
                      '74 2002 - Build blog at
                      nomads2002.blogspot.com

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