Retail Special Forces

[geoffp]

i've been reading this thread and laughing my ass off, here are some great quotes:

"I am the Sergeant of a three-man Rapid Tactical Force at one of America’s largest indoor retail shopping areas"

"I am a Master of three martial arts including ninjitsu, which means I can wear the special boots to climb walls."

"I believe we may have met at that seminar on “Entry Tactics for the Security Specialist” a few weeks ago."

"I have personally saved the ass-virginity of several young boys in my days. But there are many brave men like myself out there who risk their lives daily, so that boys like yourself can live a normal heterosexual life."

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

[tofubento]

seriously? WTF? this is COMEDY!!!!! I duct tape a 2nd trama plate!??!?!? JHAHAHAHHAH!!!

[tofubento]

Look out its chechs at the orange julius with rpgs!!!!!! Ruuuuun!!!!!

[Scotaku]

repost...

But to keep it fresh, I doubt I'm the only one to wonder if that, um, story, wasn't the impetus behind the script for the upcoming Paul Blart: Mall Cop movie.

[SamE30e]

Repost, but an amazing one.

[ragged325]

Hang out at any gun shop, gun show or shooting match and you’ll see one of these guys; you might even see a group of them since they are known to associate in the gun threads on r3v. This is where they organize the r3v militia and plan to use their guns to overthrow the gov't when tax rates on people with real jobs go up. They also discuss the best training regimen to ready themselves for protecting their mom's basement from an invasion of socialists or raccoons."

[gazellebeigem3]

repost...

But to keep it fresh, I doubt I'm the only one to wonder if that, um, story, wasn't the impetus behind the script for the upcoming Paul Blart: Mall Cop movie.

i thought that exact thing when i saw the preview the other day.

[brandon11130]

freaking hilarious. I know so many kids like that, the boyscout type, then join civil air patrol or something like that, army and marine posters all over their rooms, bud-k knock off knives everywhere. Tried and failed at joining the marines because they have asthma or couldn't pass the civil service exam. They become depressed after their dreams are crushed and go online, buy all the tactical gear they can afford and become mall security the rest of their lives.