Most Awkward Mom situations

[SamE30e]

I'll throw in another one.

My now ex girlfriend was a figure skater, so she was still in grade 12 and I was in my first year of college. She was in the athletic program in school, so she had 3 classes in the morning then went to train for skating.
One day I was home from class and she didn't have training that day, so naturally she calls me over for some lovin. Her mom and dad were at work so we had the house to ourselves and after some messin around, we decided to hit the shower.
After a bit of messin around in the shower I start goin at her hardcore and it's getting loud. In between pounds from the jackhammer I hear the phone ringing, I notify her of such event and she's too happy so she says "fuck it keep goin."
Turns out it was her dad calling to see if she wanted anything because he was coming home early, a couple minutes later I hear her dad call her name and I sware I almost fucking died, here I am 18, ass naked railing his 17 year daughter like a fucking porn star in the shower with her dad walking upstairs.
He didn't know I was there and stood outside the shower door talking to my girlfriend asking her all these questions about school and skating. Little does he know we're both on the other side of the door like a deer in the head lights, my dong in her while she's bent over holding onto the taps for dear life.
She answers his questions and he goes into the computer room, here I am about to shit myself. I quietly get dressed and plan my escape. My ex throws a towel on and goes to talk to her dad to distract him.
Now a little side note: It's January and -10 out, I'm soaking wet and didn't even have time to grab my jacket. I bolt down the fucking stairs quieter than the bitch can queef and out the front door and begin my long walk home soaking wet freezing my balls off (which might I add I didn't get a nut so I now have blue balls) only to go home and find out he was just looking up a phone number and was gone 2 minutes later.
I went over for dinner that night and while I'm eating he asks me "Why was your jacket here today?" I had absolutly no answer, my girlfriend started talking about something else and I'm pretty sure he put 2 and 2 together.

[WhatWentWong]

That doesn't sound red handed to me...

I suppose it can be if you think of it as me railing her daughter with her not 100ft from her own house, with us having full mutual knowledge that we knew what each other were up to.

Am I the only one that has a caught-red-handed story that involves her mother and isn't humourous at all? Maybe because I (and we) are asian? :(

I was 19 and the girlfriend told me one afternoon that it would be OK to go over to get the nasty on because her parents had just left the house. I drove over and happened to notice her mom's car parked on the curb a few houses down, engine running with no lights, with a shilloutte of her mother inside. I don't know where I all of a sudden found such courtesy in me, but I decided that I would drive by her, say hello, and let her know that I was over to do some "editing". I rolled up to her, roll down my window and put on the biggest shit eating grin / high five wave combo, proper of a well brought up Asian kid, only to find her mom slouched in the front seat, head squarely locked at 12o'clock with her sweater pulled over her head in the 'you can't see me!' kind of way. She was supposed to be out, but I just caught her spying on us. I blipped the horn just in case she was napping (3 houses down from home on the side of the road, I suppose?), got no response. I loitered there for another 5 seconds, my grin now very awkward, right hand still in the air in the 'wave' mode. After it became clear that she wasn't going to flinch, I just drove up to her driveway, went inside, and banged her daughter as per original plan after telling her what mother did outside.

Sorry, not funny, but teh end.

That doesn't sound red handed to me...

[WhatWentWong]

Am I the only one that has a caught-red-handed story that involves her mother and isn't humourous at all? Maybe because I (and we) are asian? :(

I was 19 and the girlfriend told me one afternoon that it would be OK to go over to get the nasty on because her parents had just left the house. I drove over and happened to notice her mom's car parked on the curb a few houses down, engine running with no lights, with a shilloutte of her mother inside. I don't know where I all of a sudden found such courtesy in me, but I decided that I would drive by her, say hello, and let her know that I was over to do some "editing". I rolled up to her, roll down my window and put on the biggest shit eating grin / high five wave combo, proper of a well brought up Asian kid, only to find her mom slouched in the front seat, head squarely locked at 12o'clock with her sweater pulled over her head in the 'you can't see me!' kind of way. She was supposed to be out, but I just caught her spying on us. I blipped the horn just in case she was napping (3 houses down from home on the side of the road, I suppose?), got no response. I loitered there for another 5 seconds, my grin now very awkward, right hand still in the air in the 'wave' mode. After it became clear that she wasn't going to flinch, I just drove up to her driveway, went inside, and banged her daughter as per original plan after telling her what mother did outside.

Sorry, not funny, but teh end.

[stegosaurus]

At my gf's house and we're upstairs going at it; sister walks in to get a jacket; mom yells from bottom of stairs that it's almost dinner time; dad knocks on door to say it's dinner time.

Only her sister actually knew what was going on, and then we both went downstairs and had dinner.

I felt pretty dirty about pounding their daughter and then having them make me food, but whatever they'll be my in laws sooner or later.

[bergie_318is]

ohh i told her to fuck off, which was a bit harsh. dont think she really heard me though

[daniel]

so i swore at her, to which i would never do.

wat?

[Holland]

These are funny, don't have any of my own, sad to say, but these are pretty funny.

[bergie_318is]

i was staying over my ex gf's house and it was the school holidays, so we had finished for the year, but her little brother and sister still had to go... or so we thought. it was about 8:30 and by then the house is empty so i poke her with my tool to give her the hint and we start going at it... real slow just to enjoy it. it had gotten to about 9:30 when we started hearing noises like people/things moving around, but we were so caught up in each other we just ignored it. just as i started to go a bit more friskie ie bed banging against wall, i hear the noise of foot steps running closer to her room, then her door fly open and hear her 15 year old sister scream " OMG WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING!"

we scream go away! she comes into the room, grabs the blanket, which was keeping me completely covered, and starts pulling on it to take it off me! i literally feared for my life, so i swore at her, to which i would never do. after about 30 seconds she stopped and ran outside saying "EEWWWWWWWWWWWW"

later that night he mother gave us the funnies look, was all cool though :D

[yberther]

these are freaking hilarious.

[Jparkr]

I almost got caught by my first girlfriend's mom
We were fucking in here room, which had a window right by the lower gravel driveway. It was the only driveway they used so we always felt safe, but still always listened for cars coming up.
Well I had my ankles under me sitting on my knees and she was on top. and next this I know we hear the garage door open. I was like oh shit what do I do? because all my cloths were in the bathroom, where the fun started, right next to her room. she says get in the shower! She jumps off me and I stand up to sprint into the shower while her mom is walking in.

Well I didn't really realize it but my legs were asleep.
I stood up fast and toke one giant leap into the hallway, when I landed my numb ankle folded over and I went DOWN!
I Crawled my naked ass across the floor and flipped into the tub like a fucking grenade was about to go off. She closed the door softly behind me trying not to laugh. I flicked on the water and laid there under the shower in immense pain of rug burns, Leg tingles from them being asleep and a lightly sprained ankle.

Her mom had just forgotten her phone, so we got to finish. But I still don't know why she chose to take the upper driveway.

[Ray Smoodiver]

Glad I could help :D. Jay, yours is awesome!

[Mystikal]

I know she seriously wants a piece of the Smoodiver, but my dilemma is that, well, she's a little on the plus size. We're not talking chew your own arm off in the morning and claim a grizzly got you on the way to bible studies

Got the breeze from the swag on that one.

[Desaevious]

Smoodiver I laughed at yours harder than most others.

[xwill112x]

Yeah... She thought it was funny apparently to put weed in my bag. I never even noticed it, probably because I was high as a fuckin kite in high school.

Scenerio:
Mom takes weed from her bag (dirt). Puts weed in my bag (chronic). Laughs. Tells coworkers. They laugh at me. I get high. They laugh some more.

i wish i lived in your house!:hitler: