Understand, I write this to remember all those poor souls that slipped through my fingers on that horrible day in September of 2001 and to give you gentle readers a peek at why I am so passionate about life, my wife, triathlon and the e30.
On 9/11/01, I found myself partially buried after the South Tower of the World Trade Center so violently imploded. I laid there not knowing what had just happened. As I laid on Church Street in NYC struggling to breath and unable to see anything, I really wondered what life was all about. See, as an FBI Agent, I responded to Ground Zero confident, almost cocky, that I could make a difference and help save every soul in those ill fated buildings. I laid on that hot soot filled street and remembered standing at the base of the North Tower, watching in horror as men and women leaped to their deaths from above the jet line. I thought to myself, what sort of hell were they facing inside that building to make such a leap of faith out of those windows so high above. I laid there and lost most if not all the faith I had in humanity. I laid there devastated that I could not have helped save more people. I think about all those poor people that perished right in front of my eyes, each and every day. It's a movie that plays in my head and I can't ever turn it off.
I was a bit broken and lost after 9/11/01. However, three things changed my life to restore that lost faith in humanity. My beautiful wonderful wife, endurance racing and cars...BMWs and Porsche’s.
After 9/11, I needed to find answers and I turned to endurance racing. I started slowly by running marathons and I found a bit of solace on those long runs but I craved more. I grew up playing football, baseball and basketball. Indeed, I played four years of Division 1 baseball at Columbia University in NYC. However, I finally found my true passion when I toed the start line at my first triathlon. I loved it. The longer and the harder the race the more I healed. I did many sprints, many Olympic distance races, many half Ironman's, 5 Ironman's, the Survival of the Shauwangunks (SOS), American Zofingen Long Course. The more unique and grassrootsy the race the more I loved it. However, the true healing came on those long training runs, long training rides and those long glorious open water swims. I rediscovered hope and love and faith and trust in humanity on those dusty roads, and in that murky fresh and salty water.
After 9/11, I leaned hard on my beautiful, understanding patient wife. She always listened and seemed to understand the horrors I endured that ill-fated day. She never questioned as I struggled to find myself.
In 1992, I bought my first BMW, a Delphin Gray 325i. I drove it everywhere and people came to identify me with my that incredible little car. I loved that car. Indeed, I still owned that 325i on 9/11/01. After 9/11, as I lost interest in a lot of things important to me, I eventually foolishly sold that car. I missed it the second I sold it. However, make no mistake, my passion for cars healed many wounds.
See, as time wore on and I searched for answers about humanity, I became passionate about wrenching. I bought an e46 330i and a Bentley manual and spent many many hours hovering over that engine and under its chassis. However, as I learned more and more about the 3 series, something was missing. I bought an e36 325i Vert and learned more and healed more. I bought an e46 ZHP then a e36 M3 Imola red Vert, then an e46 ZCP Interlagos Blue M3. I spent many hours with these incredible cars and found a certain connection. Still something was missing and empty. My passion grew and I understood more about why people love and hate.
I then bought an incredible Porsche 997.2, which I still have and love every second I spent in it and under it. Then recently, I turned to my patient wife and said that I need an e30. I just need to be in that car. So I did...I bought a 1990 325i Vert (the Verty30) and it was such the right move. I just drives right...not too fast, not perfect, underpowered but it’s right on point. Words can’t explain the joy and cathartic satisfaction I glean from this little car. Time loses me as I toil away wrenching this car.
It’s been a long journey back and without my wife, triathlon and cars I would have never made it. When you all hit your knees tonight and then again before diving into that bird tomorrow, bow your head for one second and think of all those people that died on 9/11/01...I know I will.
On 9/11/01, I found myself partially buried after the South Tower of the World Trade Center so violently imploded. I laid there not knowing what had just happened. As I laid on Church Street in NYC struggling to breath and unable to see anything, I really wondered what life was all about. See, as an FBI Agent, I responded to Ground Zero confident, almost cocky, that I could make a difference and help save every soul in those ill fated buildings. I laid on that hot soot filled street and remembered standing at the base of the North Tower, watching in horror as men and women leaped to their deaths from above the jet line. I thought to myself, what sort of hell were they facing inside that building to make such a leap of faith out of those windows so high above. I laid there and lost most if not all the faith I had in humanity. I laid there devastated that I could not have helped save more people. I think about all those poor people that perished right in front of my eyes, each and every day. It's a movie that plays in my head and I can't ever turn it off.
I was a bit broken and lost after 9/11/01. However, three things changed my life to restore that lost faith in humanity. My beautiful wonderful wife, endurance racing and cars...BMWs and Porsche’s.
After 9/11, I needed to find answers and I turned to endurance racing. I started slowly by running marathons and I found a bit of solace on those long runs but I craved more. I grew up playing football, baseball and basketball. Indeed, I played four years of Division 1 baseball at Columbia University in NYC. However, I finally found my true passion when I toed the start line at my first triathlon. I loved it. The longer and the harder the race the more I healed. I did many sprints, many Olympic distance races, many half Ironman's, 5 Ironman's, the Survival of the Shauwangunks (SOS), American Zofingen Long Course. The more unique and grassrootsy the race the more I loved it. However, the true healing came on those long training runs, long training rides and those long glorious open water swims. I rediscovered hope and love and faith and trust in humanity on those dusty roads, and in that murky fresh and salty water.
After 9/11, I leaned hard on my beautiful, understanding patient wife. She always listened and seemed to understand the horrors I endured that ill-fated day. She never questioned as I struggled to find myself.
In 1992, I bought my first BMW, a Delphin Gray 325i. I drove it everywhere and people came to identify me with my that incredible little car. I loved that car. Indeed, I still owned that 325i on 9/11/01. After 9/11, as I lost interest in a lot of things important to me, I eventually foolishly sold that car. I missed it the second I sold it. However, make no mistake, my passion for cars healed many wounds.
See, as time wore on and I searched for answers about humanity, I became passionate about wrenching. I bought an e46 330i and a Bentley manual and spent many many hours hovering over that engine and under its chassis. However, as I learned more and more about the 3 series, something was missing. I bought an e36 325i Vert and learned more and healed more. I bought an e46 ZHP then a e36 M3 Imola red Vert, then an e46 ZCP Interlagos Blue M3. I spent many hours with these incredible cars and found a certain connection. Still something was missing and empty. My passion grew and I understood more about why people love and hate.
I then bought an incredible Porsche 997.2, which I still have and love every second I spent in it and under it. Then recently, I turned to my patient wife and said that I need an e30. I just need to be in that car. So I did...I bought a 1990 325i Vert (the Verty30) and it was such the right move. I just drives right...not too fast, not perfect, underpowered but it’s right on point. Words can’t explain the joy and cathartic satisfaction I glean from this little car. Time loses me as I toil away wrenching this car.
It’s been a long journey back and without my wife, triathlon and cars I would have never made it. When you all hit your knees tonight and then again before diving into that bird tomorrow, bow your head for one second and think of all those people that died on 9/11/01...I know I will.
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