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    I have a fucked up situation...

    First off i would like to tell all of you that I am not here to have a pity party, I just want opinions based on the story I am about to tell.

    Here it goes: My parents got divorced a year and one month ago. My dad has a girlfriend already. He is 45, she is in her late 30s. I am the oldest of his children. I am 18 years old. My brother and sister are 14 and 15. Soooo.... last night we all go out to dinner, and then go home. Later when we are all at home, my dad, dads gf, me, my sis, bro, and her 12 yr old son. They proceed to reveal that they want to move together. Also, she is pregnant. At this point, I am calm, my brother yells out "you have to be shitting me!", and my sister exits the room crying the most I have ever seen her cry. I thought it was fine for about a day, but now its really starting to set in. I feel kinda bad for my dad, considering the age gap this is going to cause, considering the kid will be 20 when he is 65. He was 4 years from having us all out of the house, and this will now bring the total back to 18 years plus. I feel really guilty now leaving the house for college next this coming academic year.
    All this being said, I have thought of not going to college. Needless to say, babies = $. It was already going to be tough for me to go to a college that costs 15000/yr (27000/yr before loans/grant/schol). Having the added costs of a new kid are just going to make things even more cumbersome. I think i could almost do as well without college as I could with. I know everyone will call me a retard for that previous statement, so bite your tongue. Ive thought of just working my ass off for a few years, be really frugal, invest, and then begin to accumulate property. Rent the property, and then save the money I earn from that to buy higher demand realty, such as beach homes for rent, warehouses to rent, ect. Im 18, I have relatively little money, I have my car, and some small investments. What would you do. I feel extremely guilty holding my dad to his promise to pay for half of my costs next year at college. It makes me really consider not going.

    #2
    Re: I have a fucked up situation...

    Originally posted by bmwannabe
    What would you do.
    I would tell my father and his girlfriend about birth control, but since it is a little late for that... perhaps a conversation on abortion would be more effective.
    Tenured Automotive Service Professional - Avid BMW Enthusiast

    Vapor Honing & E30 ABS Pump Refurbishment Service
    https://mtechniqueabs.com/

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      #3
      Don't feel guilty. There is always a way around getting through college. File for independance from your dad so you can have tons of financial funding, do a city college first for 2 years and go from there. if you work ahrd you can get more grants and loans and scholarships so you can get through without too much debt.
      Its not your fault your dad is having a new child.
      About the age gap, I am 21 and my dad is turning 63 this year. He was able to do everything I ever wanted while I was young, and he still can. Thats not a big deal. Its his own fault if he has another kid and won't be child-free for another 18 years, that was his own fault.

      Good luck man, this stuff is tough, but it will make you a better person. I know that sounds lame now, but you will make it just fine. Don't sell your car, its the only freedom you have. 8)
      '88 M3.2 S54 Lachssilber/Black
      '07 335i Alpine/Black Sedan
      '12 X5 3.5i Alpine/Black
      iS Splitters For Sale, PM ME!
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        #4
        thanks ryan, i never thought about that independence idea. i could look into that. Jordan, Im not going to tell my dad to kill his baby. That sort of shit doesnt fly where im from, nor should it fly anywhere.

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          #5
          1) it was not your decision to get your dad's GF pregnant, it was theirs. Therefore, unless it's completely unexpected, they did it fully knowing that he has to help put at least three other human beings through college.... bottom line, there's plenty of ways you can get help getting through college... look into them & DON'T EVER let someone else's decisions ruin YOUR life plans.

          2) I'm 24, my two older brothers are 34 & 38, my parents are in their mid-60's.... no big deal, don't worry about it. You just have to deal w/ the possibility of someone saying "ohhh, i didn't know you have a son!" when you're out w/ the kid sometime (i have personal experience in this.... it happened to my oldest bro when we were at a ball game one time )

          hope that helps bro.... i haven't had to deal w/ a situation like yours, but i hope i added some useful some insight
          -Pete
          LRRS/CCS#187 ECK-Racing, Ironstone Ventures, Tony's Track Days
          Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | Moon Performance | RJ's Motorsport | Motorcycles of Manchester

          The Garage: '03 Tuono (Hooligan bike :naughty) | '06 SV650 (race)

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            #6
            I went to college. Everyone my age (26) that I know who didn't is just getting to that point where they figure out why they should have. I'd go for it...you'll be glad you did.

            Besides man, the kind of steel-trap intellect (you know, the kind that has it figured that nobody in the whole world should have an abortion) "really" should try for some more education... :roll:
            Chris

            The Hunt: Part IV is over.

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              #7
              you should still consider college. you shouldnt feel guilty about anything... it was your father's decision (or fault) for having another child at this point.

              i dont know your father, but i would think he wants the best for you, as most "fathers" do, and between you and your parents, i'm sure higher schooling can be worked in from them taking a lil slack, loans, financial aid, part time jobs on your part, etc.

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                #8
                I know this is harder said than done, but hold him to his promise. The girlfriend was his decision, the child was his decision, not yours. He made you a deal and now its time for him to hold up his end of the bargain.
                -Jetta GLi

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                  #9
                  yeah, thanks all. I really am trying to consider all my options. College was my plan for the next 4 years, but i really started to question weather or not I should go. I think if I try pretty hard i can still attend there, or somewhere else.

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                    #10
                    dude in a time when a college degree is not as special as it once I think youd regret it down the road if you didnt go. My dad when he was younger was going to have to pay for school all on his own and he opted not to go. Hes regreted it ever since and he went to night school for almost ten years to finnally get a diploma. I wouldnt want to gamble on investments and attaining property to make your money. You can do that after school and have a much better job as a result. If I could do it all over again Id take a year off, work my ass of and invest most to all of the money I made and let that sit till I got out of school. Then Id go to two years of community college and still maintain a part time job to make some spending money and enough to keep a small apartment I guess. Id keep my grades kick ass then transfer to a better school with the big bills for the remaining two years. THis way you make a decent amount off cash while your in community college and have a nice nest egg to get you on your feet afterwards. It sure would be nice to have 20-30 grand chillin in the bank for when you get out on your own. Use that to start buying up condos or something and then maintain an array of rental properties like you mentioned before. My friends dad went this very route (work, community college, college, etc) and he maintains over 40 rentals in Boston and brings in almost 100 grand a month. You gotta start small and a college degree will allow you to maintain a nice high paying job at the same time you start to buy property and keep investing. Good luck man

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                      #11
                      If you don't go to college now, you won't ever go. That little piece of paper means a lot these days, without it you aren't going far. I don't know what your family's financial situation is, but there's no shame in going to a good community college and transfering out, that would save a lot of money. I don't know if your mom is in the picture or not, but both parents should be involved when a child goes to college.

                      My parents were divorced when I was about 10, my brother was 5. Two years later, my mom had my sister (she'll be in high school next year, that's scary).

                      If your dad's girlfriend is working, she will obviously be making money, and will probably have paid time off through work after her pregnancy. Divorced families are tough, but they're grownups, they will make it through it alright.
                      -Brandon
                      '86 325es S50
                      '12 VW GTI Autobahn DSG
                      '03 540i M-Sport (sold)
                      '08 Jeep SRT-8 (sold)

                      For sale:
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                        #12
                        Your daddy's a big boy, he knew what would happen when he dicked his younger girlfriend. If he's not smart enough to wrap it up at his age, than he pays the consequences. Viagra is a double edged sword.

                        The fact that something like this is already making you consider not going to college is not a good sign, this doesn't show a whole lot of determination on your part. Not a good thing if you're planning to go to an uppity 25k/year private college.

                        Ever consider a state school?

                        -Charlie
                        Swing wild, brake later, don't apologize.
                        '89 324d, '76 02, '98 318ti, '03 Z4, '07 MCS, '07 F800s - Bonafide BMW elitist prick.
                        FYYFF

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                          #13
                          Don't feel guilty that your dad planted his seed. If money is an issue, you should go to a state school or a community college. Don't skip out on college, and since you are an entering freshmen, don't even skip a semester. Go to school this fall, and get aqcuanted at the same time as all the other guys your age.

                          RISING EDGE

                          Let's drive fast and have fun.

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                            #14
                            everyone else has covered the way i feel also.

                            dont let his mistake fuck up your life.
                            98 M3/4/5

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                              #15
                              Originally posted by Beej '86 325es
                              If you don't go to college now, you won't ever go.
                              Exactly. My sister didn't go after high school, and now she is 27, and still wants to go. :roll:

                              Go to a community college to save lots of money, or there must be some way to get some good loans and financial aid in situatiosn like this. Don't let this ruin your life!

                              97 Cosmos M3

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