i think im going to vomit (divorce content)

I'm with you except for that one. As far as I'm concerned that is the number one biggest reason why it sucks to be single. A relationship that will last is one where you are 100% comfortable. This doesn't mean smelling like an anchovy's stale waffleswaffleswaffleswaffles and farting all the time at the table. But it does mean knowing that even if you do this, she knows what it's like and she will accept it - even if she might give you shit for it (and it works the other way too - if you think women don't fart, then you have a woman that isn't 100% comfortable with you).

If one of these things turns out to be the other person's major malfunction, then the question of whether or not you can change for them is one of those decisions you have to make, which leads to either a breakup or 100% comfort. Any relationship where a secret is kept or a bad habit is disguised, is already circling the drain.

What you end up learning if you have a successful life partnership is that weird shit like that is what really makes this gig special - you share a world with someone that is more intimate and enclosed, yet fully shared between you two, than the one you had with your mother. Anything short of that is a waste of time.

But you can never stop trying to make her happy.

I don't know what you're talking about man. Women fart roses and poop puppy dogs. That's what they told me at least.

[BigD]

- getting too comfortable (farting, chewing loudly, eating too fast, etc.)

I'm with you except for that one. As far as I'm concerned that is the number one biggest reason why it sucks to be single. A relationship that will last is one where you are 100% comfortable. This doesn't mean smelling like an anchovy's stale waffleswaffleswaffleswaffles and farting all the time at the table. But it does mean knowing that even if you do this, she knows what it's like and she will accept it - even if she might give you shit for it (and it works the other way too - if you think women don't fart, then you have a woman that isn't 100% comfortable with you).

If one of these things turns out to be the other person's major malfunction, then the question of whether or not you can change for them is one of those decisions you have to make, which leads to either a breakup or 100% comfort. Any relationship where a secret is kept or a bad habit is disguised, is already circling the drain.

What you end up learning if you have a successful life partnership is that weird shit like that is what really makes this gig special - you share a world with someone that is more intimate and enclosed, yet fully shared between you two, than the one you had with your mother. Anything short of that is a waste of time.

But you can never stop trying to make her happy.

[daniel]

BTW, I hope you have a girl. I would love to be around 15 years later to see the boys come sniffing around...then have to meet Dad (!) and run home with their tails between their legs!

hahahaha I would love to see this also.

[Dave]

Kids = big fucking responsibility. If you're making $10/hr. and your marriage isn't working too well, kids probably aren't going to help. They are very expensive and having them will greatly increase the pressure on you to provide for them. You will question what kind of parent you can be to them and your wife will have less ability to earn money. IMO, it's best to have them once you've figured the other stuff out (if you can help it).

Amen.

[JGood]

I'm sure what you are going through is hard, and I'm sorry to hear about it. But you said yourself you didn't want kids. Now that your relationship is in turmoil, you do? That sounds like a way to cling on. I'm not saying it won't work out, but this is the same story that ends badly for many many other people. What are your long term goals in life? Is your spouse willing to help you get there? What are her long term goals in life, and are you willing to help her get there? Is it possible for you both to reach your goals together?


On that note, but not directed towards you...

It's really sad to see so many people in so many different marriages, having so many kids with so many different people these days. I have a step brother, step sister, half brother, half sister, all kinds of shit. My parents got married when I was 2, and separated when I was 4, and went back and forth for the next probably 10 years, while I moved from various family members houses because my parents couldn't afford me. My mom got remarried, had 2 kids, then got divorced. My stepmom has 2 kids from 2 different previous relationships.

You know what it does? It makes life shitty for the kids, and it makes them 10 times more likely to grow up thinking all this is OK. And the media today doesn't help it. The direction our society is going is sickening. Marriage means nothing anymore, it's a piece of paper that is mild reassurance of commitment and guaranteed benefits at a divorce.

[ragged325]

I'm fucked

Hopefully, you wont' be starting one of these threads. I guess I can see this from a different perspective because of my sister's divorce. Her husband spent the last two years living in her garage playing computer scrabble everyday. He's decided he's different from everyone else and not one of those people that likes working at a job. He put on weight, never shaves, showers irregularly and wears worn out t-shirts everyday.

Obviously, he's got some issues with depression, etc.. The thing that gets me is that he cannot understand why my sister is dumping him. He asks her why he is "unloveable". Trust me, he would not be clinging to my sister if she did everything he is doing. He's still attracted to her because she does everything he doesn't do. He thought that when he got married he was getting some kind of guarantee that he could do whatever the fuck he wanted and that she would always be there for him.

To everyone who feels this way, "Grow Up."

[StereoInstaller1]

Jeff, my man...You and I both know Whitney is worth it. She is a fine person, intelligent, kind, patient, nice....she would be a fine woman even if she weren't gorgeous, right?

She obviously loves you, anyone who sees the two of you together knows that.

The fact that she is basically willing to leave says that she is strong enough to pursue her life dreams, even if it costs her the man she chose to marry. I was under the impression that it was both of you that decided to not make babies, but if babies is what she really wants, I say she is worth it.

Life is a gamble, right? Place your bets carefully. Nothing will light a fire under your ass like a tiny voice calling you Daddy.

BTW, I hope you have a girl. I would love to be around 15 years later to see the boys come sniffing around...then have to meet Dad (!) and run home with their tails between their legs!

[Turf1600]

Not:


- wearing old clothes/sweats everyday
- putting on 20 lbs.
- getting angry everyday about politics (or anything else)
- getting too comfortable (farting, chewing loudly, eating too fast, etc.)

.

I'm fucked

[ragged325]

Here are some miscellaneous ramblings about this. I didn't read all of the thread and I don't know anyone here well enough to know what your problems are, but:

Kids = big fucking responsibility. If you're making $10/hr. and your marriage isn't working too well, kids probably aren't going to help. They are very expensive and having them will greatly increase the pressure on you to provide for them. You will question what kind of parent you can be to them and your wife will have less ability to earn money. IMO, it's best to have them once you've figured the other stuff out (if you can help it).

General attractiveness tips (not directed at anyone in particular (so don't take it personally)). Most people can agree that Megan Fox is more attractive than tubgirl. It's not because of their souls. IMO, younger people tend to look for "unconditional love" from their partner. They think they've found their "soul mate" who will love them no matter what. If you are looking for unconditional love, go get a dog from the pound. If you want to be attractive to your partner, you have to work at it.

Here's my list of things that are and are not attractive:

Not:

- spending five hours a day on the computer
- wearing old clothes/sweats everyday
- poor personal hygiene
- feeling sorry for yourself
- putting on 20 lbs.
- getting angry everyday about politics (or anything else)
- getting in a rut and not finding a positive direction for your life
- getting too comfortable (farting, chewing loudly, eating too fast, etc.)

Are:

- working out, getting in shape
- spending time in the real world
- working hard at something that will improve you and your wife's life
- buying new clothes
- getting a different haircut
- shaving off whatever weird facial hair you are rocking
- etc., etc., etc.

Again, this probably doesn't apply to the OP, but in general, you should be able to look at yourself and understand why your wife doesn't find you as attractive. It isn't her fault, it's yours. If you want her to find you attractive, you need to change what you are doing.

[myinfernalbmw]

Lets just say 3 bottles of tequilla rose, my best friend, blacked out, Eiffel tower - don't remember shit other then waking up with a massive headache... I'm still recovering from that shit but we have worked on it and things are slowly getting better. This happened nearly 2 years ago too :(

Vegas is a crazy place. I can't say I fucked my best friend though. Had he paid for the trip and whatnot then maybe, but my friends are cheap fuckers.

[BigD]

we talked it out. as simple as it sounds basically i had to reach down and decide if i could really commit to what she wanted (kids) and be ok with it. turns out as scared as i am over the whole thing i want to give it a try. ive been told by multiple good friends of mine that it gives you all the motivation and determination to succeed in life. which i really need right now as im lacking in both, mostly due to working a $10 a hour job right now and scraping by.

i think i am however going to sell the m3. i have lost interest in it and paying off some debt with it in order to prepare for the future just seems like the more responsible thing to do.

i havent slept much, i havent ate, im in a pretty good funk over the last 24 hours. again thanks to all the insight and support. im going to bed.

Right on man!!! I wish you all the best! I've asked a lot of older friends with children, my dad too, who do not seem to be the type of person to want children, what changed for them? They all say the same thing - when it's your own, everything changes. So I'm no longer against having kids because I'm not sure I want them but only because I'm not done being selfish (and neither is my wife). But it sounds like you've honestly admitted to yourself that you CAN deal with it and you're up for the task, she certainly seems to be, so rock on!

[OOMPH!]

Going offtopic here... could you explain your sig?

Parking fee at a meet.

Chick taking parking fees at a meet. He is not as cool as the pic would make him out to be.

ahahaha you dickflapper




Jeff looks like you have made some progress. Marriage and relationships are all about sacrifices. Good luck bro!

[Edev]

Jeff, you're making a real mature move. I hope everything works out fine for you in the end brotha.

[CAOSyAMOR]

we talked it out. as simple as it sounds basically i had to reach down and decide if i could really commit to what she wanted (kids) and be ok with it. turns out as scared as i am over the whole thing i want to give it a try. ive been told by multiple good friends of mine that it gives you all the motivation and determination to succeed in life. which i really need right now as im lacking in both, mostly due to working a $10 a hour job right now and scraping by.

i think i am however going to sell the m3. i have lost interest in it and paying off some debt with it in order to prepare for the future just seems like the more responsible thing to do.

i havent slept much, i havent ate, im in a pretty good funk over the last 24 hours. again thanks to all the insight and support. im going to bed.

sounds like you have a plan.

Myself I got rid of the girl and kept the M3, couldn't be happier :D (but the girl was a real selfish bitch, so..)

[vivalegreg]

good luck hope it all works out for you both.