i think im going to vomit (divorce content)

[Maluco]

No, that is not human kind. That is weak willed and shallow values - it is the worst subset of human kind, the bottom of the barrel. I am not perfect, nor do I expect my friends or even my mate to be. What I do expect is for them to have the same values as I do, and the same conviction to stick to them. Everyone else is just another object I deal with in daily life, carefully.

To be tempted is to be alive. To succumb to the temptation is a choice. There are a lot of excuses for this today, to make this choice seem involuntary or somehow normal. And with the encouragement of the entertainment industry, they are becoming more and more acceptable. I know there are others that stand for what I do but I also know there are fewer and fewer of us. But I also know that even if my name was Robert Neville I wouldn't accept the contrary as "normal" and take that to the grave.

I didn't say it is time to move on, I said if she is this kind of person, then it is - neither you nor I know the answer but he should.

For the record I also do not belive in "professional help" for this kind of problem. If you have a mismatch of values or you are not attracted to them physically, there is no amount of talk that will fix this. The only thing that can happen is an extension before the inevitable. If this is over something silly like her finding one too many skidmarked underwear, or feeling neglected during PMS, then it will blow over. But what she said sounds like it has been well thought out and not triggered by a temporary psychosis. I could be wrong, but I qualified what I said with the assumption.

I had to stop after "No, that is not human kind. That is weak willed and shallow values - it is the worst subset of human kind, the bottom of the barrel. I am not perfect, nor do I expect my friends or even my mate to be. What I do expect is for them to have the same values as I do, and the same conviction to stick to them. Everyone else is just another object I deal with in daily life, carefully. "

what planet or village do you live on???

[daniel]

you are not being weak, jeff. by realizing the problem and making yourself willing to change to fix things, you are being strong.

thanks for the insight guys. especially to those that had me in their wishes, prayers.

some back ground info. im 31 and she is 24. we awhile ago had a "mishap" that lead to a abortion. ive been anti-kid since i met her, she is pro-life and all about kids. when she did what she did, she did it for me. and me being the selfish asshole ive always been decided to not really care. i mean what man can understand what a female goes through in that particular situation?

since then ive been bottled up and afraid of change in my life. she wants kids and dogs, i dont want anything to interfere with my sleep and small amount of income. it got to a boiling point and that led to what happened yesterday.

ive come to the massive conclusion that in life and marriage i must make some sacrifices and be open to new things. i never really understood this until we spoke about it just a few minutes ago, and will continue the discussion when she gets home. she has sacrificed a child already, being social with her friends all to keep me happy. she also has been my main supporter money wise over the last year. i thought cars and expensive purses would tide her over. little did i know how shallow and closed minded i have been.

ive decided and told her that i will sacrifice my need to stay in MY little world closed off from everything and any idea that might jeopardize that in exchange for me and her to continue to be a married couple. it just seems fitting and the responsible thing to do. my fear of this is i really hope that there isnt another issue that leads to these feelings in her down the road AFTER there is a child involved. so i guess maybe next year i might be on my way to being a dad?!

before anyone starts commenting on how "weak" it is for me to "cave" in to a situation. and the thought of "oh great, he has these issues now and now he wants to add a kid into the mix". understand this, it is time for me to grow up and realize my duties and responsibilities of being a husband. that includes keeping my wife happy. although i am FREAKED out about any change in my life i need to learn how to welcome it and accept it. i told her (my wife) a long time ago that i refused to end up like both of our parents and be divorced and re-married (i dont care what the stats are) and i would do what it takes to make this work. and if this is what it takes...well....i guess i AM weak then.

[jrhaile]

I think you're doing the right thing man. Sometimes marriage is about letting your guard down a little bit and not being the overbearing asshole that you once were (no offense). Rather than thinking of yourself as "the man", just think of yourself as one of two equals and therefore you need to make sacrifices just as she has already done. Just based on what you are saying, things are already better and as long as you keep up the hard work, things will only continue to get better. 20 years from now you may look back on this whole experience as a time that actually strengthened your marriage. Good luck man.

+1

First time I have ever agreed with you. I have lots of work to do myself when it comes to my marriage.

I think you're doing the right thing man. Sometimes marriage is about letting your guard down a little bit and not being the overbearing asshole that you once were (no offense). Rather than thinking of yourself as "the man", just think of yourself as one of two equals and therefore you need to make sacrifices just as she has already done. Just based on what you are saying, things are already better and as long as you keep up the hard work, things will only continue to get better. 20 years from now you may look back on this whole experience as a time that actually strengthened your marriage. Good luck man.

[Liam]

It seems to me that the OP has an above average insight into all of this, and if he continues to keep the focus on what he can do rather that what he can't do or what's being done to him it will serve him well.

I am sorry for anyone in these situations, all to be said is life is difficult.

[jrhaile]

You're assuming a shit ton based on one sentence. Probably not a wise idea.

100% right... :o

I just know that if my wife had an abortion I would completely lose a lot of respect/interest in her. It's a very sad world we live in, but this is one of the subjects that is nearly unforgivable for a person who is pro-life.

Please DO NOT turn this into an abortion thread on the OPs behalf, just expressing what I know and feel in sitation's like this. And yes, I'm a pro-life asshole :D

Flame suit on btw :D

[Turf1600]

I actually think you're an asshole making her or allowing her to get an abortion. This contradicted her conviction's and has put her in a place where she doesn't know who she is. And here I felt sorry for you thinking she was a cheating hoe.

My best friend went through this same situation but opposite. Girl wanted to have abortion, he didn't, they broke up for good 3 months later. He couldn't stand to look at her after that.

My guess is your wife can't stand to look herself in the mirror and you are partially to blame for that. She may need counseling on her own, away from you to be honest. That's a tough thing for someone to go through ALONE. You obviously weren't there for her.

Sorry to rag on you, and I hope you don't end up a stat., but damn bro, that's a tough thing. I couldn't even imagine forcing my wife to have an abortion or allowing her to when she's strongly against the act in order for her to make me happy.

You're assuming a shit ton based on one sentence. Probably not a wise idea.

[metalix1021]

before anyone starts commenting on how "weak" it is for me to "cave" in to a situation. and the thought of "oh great, he has these issues now and now he wants to add a kid into the mix". understand this, it is time for me to grow up and realize my duties and responsibilities of being a husband. that includes keeping my wife happy. although i am FREAKED out about any change in my life i need to learn how to welcome it and accept it. i told her (my wife) a long time ago that i refused to end up like both of our parents and be divorced and re-married (i dont care what the stats are) and i would do what it takes to make this work. and if this is what it takes...well....i guess i AM weak then.

You're not weak. Seems like you both are willing to put in the effort needed.

People fear change. Creatures of habit. Jobs, relationships, whatever it is. Good for you for putting in the effort and going outside your bubble.

[jrhaile]

I actually think you're an asshole making her or allowing her to get an abortion. This contradicted her conviction's and has put her in a place where she doesn't know who she is. And here I felt sorry for you thinking she was a cheating hoe.

My best friend went through this same situation but opposite. Girl wanted to have abortion, he didn't, they broke up for good 3 months later. He couldn't stand to look at her after that.

My guess is your wife can't stand to look herself in the mirror and you are partially to blame for that. She may need counseling on her own, away from you to be honest. That's a tough thing for someone to go through ALONE. You obviously weren't there for her.

Sorry to rag on you, and I hope you don't end up a stat., but damn bro, that's a tough thing. I couldn't even imagine forcing my wife to have an abortion or allowing her to when she's strongly against the act in order for her to make me happy.

[joshh]

I'd give you some advice but I'm finding myself in a similar situation. Good luck man. I hope it turns out the way you want it to.

I'm in Portland if you want to hit a few beers and talk about this.

[smonkbmw]

thanks for the insight guys. especially to those that had me in their wishes, prayers.

some back ground info. im 31 and she is 24. we awhile ago had a "mishap" that lead to a abortion. ive been anti-kid since i met her, she is pro-life and all about kids. when she did what she did, she did it for me. and me being the selfish asshole ive always been decided to not really care. i mean what man can understand what a female goes through in that particular situation?

since then ive been bottled up and afraid of change in my life. she wants kids and dogs, i dont want anything to interfere with my sleep and small amount of income. it got to a boiling point and that led to what happened yesterday.

ive come to the massive conclusion that in life and marriage i must make some sacrifices and be open to new things. i never really understood this until we spoke about it just a few minutes ago, and will continue the discussion when she gets home. she has sacrificed a child already, being social with her friends all to keep me happy. she also has been my main supporter money wise over the last year. i thought cars and expensive purses would tide her over. little did i know how shallow and closed minded i have been.

ive decided and told her that i will sacrifice my need to stay in MY little world closed off from everything and any idea that might jeopardize that in exchange for me and her to continue to be a married couple. it just seems fitting and the responsible thing to do. my fear of this is i really hope that there isnt another issue that leads to these feelings in her down the road AFTER there is a child involved. so i guess maybe next year i might be on my way to being a dad?!

before anyone starts commenting on how "weak" it is for me to "cave" in to a situation. and the thought of "oh great, he has these issues now and now he wants to add a kid into the mix". understand this, it is time for me to grow up and realize my duties and responsibilities of being a husband. that includes keeping my wife happy. although i am FREAKED out about any change in my life i need to learn how to welcome it and accept it. i told her (my wife) a long time ago that i refused to end up like both of our parents and be divorced and re-married (i dont care what the stats are) and i would do what it takes to make this work. and if this is what it takes...well....i guess i AM weak then.

[BigD]

I understand what you are getting at but, "that kind of person"? Do you mean the human kind? Who the hell is perfect? Love takes forgiveness and understanding. Maybe she is just going through some things and is confused. She is married, not some divorced or single woman. Why should it be time to "move on". These situations can be surpassed! It's worth fighting for.

No, that is not human kind. That is weak willed and shallow values - it is the worst subset of human kind, the bottom of the barrel. I am not perfect, nor do I expect my friends or even my mate to be. What I do expect is for them to have the same values as I do, and the same conviction to stick to them. Everyone else is just another object I deal with in daily life, carefully.

To be tempted is to be alive. To succumb to the temptation is a choice. There are a lot of excuses for this today, to make this choice seem involuntary or somehow normal. And with the encouragement of the entertainment industry, they are becoming more and more acceptable. I know there are others that stand for what I do but I also know there are fewer and fewer of us. But I also know that even if my name was Robert Neville I wouldn't accept the contrary as "normal" and take that to the grave.

I didn't say it is time to move on, I said if she is this kind of person, then it is - neither you nor I know the answer but he should.

For the record I also do not belive in "professional help" for this kind of problem. If you have a mismatch of values or you are not attracted to them physically, there is no amount of talk that will fix this. The only thing that can happen is an extension before the inevitable. If this is over something silly like her finding one too many skidmarked underwear, or feeling neglected during PMS, then it will blow over. But what she said sounds like it has been well thought out and not triggered by a temporary psychosis. I could be wrong, but I qualified what I said with the assumption.

[E30Idea]

her saying she wants to go to therapy is, to me, indicative of a desire to fix the problem. you probably know better than anyone whether she has a tendency to actually say what she means or not, but i tend to think if she wanted to split, she'd say so.

be patient and listen.

WOW, the internet does have smart people on it.

^^^^ His words are wise and dead on! I will pray for you brother, I think a lot of us will be. most of us are a phone call away if you need to talk.

-Ryan

[Atreus]

good advice, i wish i had something to add but everything has been covered here... lots of good pointers man, i wish you the best however the future holds up. whether it be you, or you and Her just be happy man.

+9 again on r3v being life counselor. lol

[CAOSyAMOR]

Sorry to hear that, sounds like she's fucking another man. Sorry for your loss.

I'd say probably not at this point, but if she was then you definitely don't need that in your life.