how to poop at work...

[DCColegrove]

We must all be really bored...

[myinfernalbmw]

I just got used to shitting at work. We have a private bathroom so that is a plus. I just quick MacGyver up a quick toilet paper ass gasket and enjoy playing games on my phone or a magazine. When i was working in a union shop and there was a phrase for the situation, "You make a dollar while I make a dime, thats why I'm shittin' on company time." I like getting paid to shit and read magazines.

I hate shitting anywhere that isn't my house. I am a very territorial shitter.

[netcsk]

Oh boy, at my old job, three of us (sometimes four) would all shit together. When the moment came on, we'd call or walk around and ask each other if we "needed a meeting."

Great times. My new job, just today as I pulled my pants down to take a shit, the guy next to me overflowed the toilet. I pulled them back up and went to a different floor.

[T3rd Ferguson]

Oh boy, at my old job, three of us (sometimes four) would all shit together. When the moment came on, we'd call or walk around and ask each other if we "needed a meeting."

Great times. My new job, just today as I pulled my pants down to take a shit, the guy next to me overflowed the toilet. I pulled them back up and went to a different floor.

my friends and I did that during study hall in highschool. We would play basketball... if the poop splashes it's two points and if the splash of water hits your ass it's 3 points. if it slides in the water with no noise or splash it was a miss.

[Hairos E30]

my friends and I did that during study hall in highschool. We would play basketball... if the poop splashes it's two points and if the splash of water hits your ass it's 3 points. if it slides in the water with no noise or splash it was a miss.

now that made my week..i couldn't stop laughing for 10 mins..

[sticksdaman]

oh man have i seen my fair share of "stall graffiti"

for a good time call:

[Stu]

Hilarious---emailed to dad/brother.

[DarkWing6]

I've got a work dumping story for you all. Happened to me about a month ago.

So, as many of you already know, I work at Griot's Garage. I work the early shift there (5am - 1:30pm), so my morning dump usually takes place on my first break or during my lunch (9am).

The night before the memorable dump I had some Taco Bell. Most of us probably know what this fast food bliss (bleh...) does to your insides. The morning after the Taco Bell I had been feeling it quite a bit and dusting my desk area with a few stinkers here and there. Lucky for me I am one of 2-3 people there at that time, so this doesn't really affect anyone.

My lunch time came, so it was time to let loose the monster that had been churning in my stomach all morning. As expected, the dump was soft and stinky. Lucky for me there wasn't much noise occurring because that can be the worst for a work dump.

Just as I am finishing up, about to wipe, and mist the air with some air freshener I hear someone walk through the door and takes their place in the urinal. I quickly finish up and head out the door hoping it was one of the other call center cronies. I glance over my shoulder and to my surprise it was Richard Griot. At this point my focus is to walk into the wash area, wash my hands, and get out of there before he finishes up and comes in to wash his hands.

I take my place at the sink and just as I soap up he walks through the door. He takes his place at the sink and looks over at me with a bit of a grin. "Man, what did you eat? You are making my eyes water in there." I replies as we are both chuckling a bit, "It's that Mexican. Did a real number on my stomach." We both laugh a bit more. He gives smiles and says, "Don't worry about it. I'm just chapping your behind." I reply back, "Something else was chapping my behind, but I took care of that." He laughs as we walk out the door. We both wish each other a good day and go on our ways.

[Jand3rson]

I feel bad for the people who have to follow me after I take a dump.

Picnic '07 was harsh for the select few.

Dude. I had just finally repressed those memories.

I'm bringing a case of Oust! to James's house next year.

[Raxe]

I've encountered the turd burgular at work. I even held on to the door thinking that he might get the hint. He managed to force the door lock open and yanked the door out of my hand and said, "Oh, I was wondering why the door wouldn't open easily." as he looked at me with shock and surprise. I should have said something but I didn't want him to know that it was me.

[Desaevious]

At work the porters stock the crap 1 ply toilet paper. Real shitty stuff and I feel bad for anyone unfortunate to have to crap without using good paper. My boss brings REAL toilet to work and stashes it in a place where only his favorite employees know where to get it.

Stall art is always entertaining. Our main manager is a woman and never goes in there. Everybody hates her and what started as "**** has a dick" has lead to a new line added almost everyday from a good handful of employees.

[dashboardmonkey]

That's fuckin' hilarious.

Here is the 'POOPIE LIST'
THE POOPIE LIST
Bathroom Humor at its finest:

Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave Poopie
This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Gassy Poopie
It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.
Drinker Poopie
The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Corn Poopie
Self-explanatory.
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie
The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Poopie
That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.
Liquid Poopie
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
Mexican Poopie
It smells so bad your nose burns.
The Surprise Poopie
You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!!
The Dangling Poopie
This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

[StereoInstaller1]

I'm bringing a case of Oust! to James's house next year.

The lack of air freshener is proof positive that James thinks his shit does not stink.

[2Big4a3Series]

While we are on this topic I have to ask what do you guys do to prepare the seat?

I've heard of some guys spraying it down with lysol or some other chemical. I prefer to run a double layer of TP around the surface of the seat so that I can ensure that I've covered all of my bases.

We have those thin tissue paper covers in the dispenser but they never seem so stay in one piece or they stick to my butt. And then when I stand up, the part of the cover that sits in the water comes out and gets the toilet water all over my legs! Ewww!

[mtechnik]

s in the water comes out and gets the toilet water all over my legs! Ewww!

EWWWWWWWWWWW indeed!


Weather there is Lysol , Clorox , Pine Sol or whatever other disinfectant at your disposal , you need to cover that toilet seat liberally before squatting on it.