Yep, big news story, a cure for cancer has been found...
Chuck Norris' tears...
It's too bad Chuck Norris doesn't cry!
Chuck Norris' tears...
It's too bad Chuck Norris doesn't cry!
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Yeah, I know this is lame and an old joke; but Chucky Norris is the man. -
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
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I love the internetBack to my roots
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Anybody watch SNL last night with the "young chuck norris" music video?
good stuff.
Kyle1988 M3, 97 840, 99 XJ
DILLIGAFComment
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The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.
After Jesus turned water into wine, Mr. T turned that wine into blood and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. When the smoke settled all that remained was a giant wooden "T" and Jesus knew he was in trouble.
Contrary to popular belief, the corners of the Bermuda Triangle are Mr. T, Vin Diesel, and Chuck Norris. Nobody's coming out of there alive.
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Yessss, I loved that video.Originally posted by bimmer8604Comment
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This "Chuck Norris" thing has officially been run into the ground - even quicker than the fucking owls.
-CharlieSwing wild, brake later, don't apologize.
'89 324d, '76 02, '98 318ti, '03 Z4, '07 MCS, '07 F800s - Bonafide BMW elitist prick.FYYFFComment
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I thought that was fucking retarded.Originally posted by bimmer8604
Seriously, what the fuck happened to SNL? It's not even funny anymore.Comment
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Try watching Mad TV, you'll hang yourselfOriginally posted by EurospeedComment
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You're just angry that you can't see Chuck Norris.Originally posted by CharlieComment
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i watch SNL maybe once every other month. They have too many new people, that arent even that funny. I dont like most of the cast and most of their stuff is so damn stupid that i dont want to laugh at it. I thought the video was kinda funny, and maybe there were a few other good skits. I think they are catering to a different audience now, the younger audience. Back in the day i think it was the older crowd.Originally posted by Eurospeed
Ohwell, Thankgod for SNL reruns on the other channels.
kyle1988 M3, 97 840, 99 XJ
DILLIGAFComment
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Kyle, I totally agree with you, they've definitely changed the audience that they're going for, toward the younger crowd.
So now that every other TV show in creation has been released on DVD, when are they going to start doing SNL? Yeah, the DVD's showcasing particular cast members are cool, but I want full seasons, dammit!
Chuck Norris went camping once and saw an owl, and the owl did not know of him. When Chuck Norris told the owl who he was, the owl replied "O RLY?"Originally posted by Charlie
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the owl and took its picture, adding the owl's last words to the image, as a message to all the owls of the world.Last edited by Jand3rson; 01-22-2006, 04:28 PM.Comment
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Exactly. Besides, we have known the cure for cancer for a LONG time. Its death.Originally posted by CharlieIm now E30less.
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My friend had the best of will farrel and chris farley, they are pretty good.Originally posted by Eurospeed
Id have to admit that the old old episodes of SNL, half the time i didnt find funny(too young) and all the new stuff is just stupid(too old). I think the better seasons were maybe the early 90s. yea. ohwell.
chuck norris is gay.
Kyle1988 M3, 97 840, 99 XJ
DILLIGAFComment
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