Advice from the younger generation, please

[markseven]

My wife locked herself out of our house last Saturday evening. She called my cousin, who lives 5 minutes away. He gave her some tips on how she may be able to get in the house, but never offered to come pick her up, so my wife said "don't worry about it, I'll call a friend". He never placed a follow-up call to see if she was okay.

My cousin and I get along really well and I felt like we were brothers. I recently helped him move a three bedroom house worth of stuff into storage and then again from storage to his new place, so it's not like I am never there for him.

If the situation was reversed, I would have driven over to his house to check on her no matter what, and then insist that she come over and hang with me and my wife until she could get back in.

Should I be pissed off at his lack of concern for my wife's well being?

[delatlanta1281]

Maybe he was humping HIS wife......
Ever think of that?


Seriously, I would ask him what his deal was that night.
How many times a week does the wife lock herself out?

[LINUS]

Any chance it was late enough in the evening he might have a buzz going? He might have been doing the neighborhood a favor by not driving if so.

A follow-up call would be nice, but if she said she'd handle it, it's pretty much on her to call him & order him around if she needs help - at least that's my take.

[Mastrcruse]

He could have been preoccupied with something else. I would, if I could, come and help out but sometimes that stuff happens at the wrong time for both parties.

Ask him, if he is "kinda" like your brother, you shouldn't be worried to confront him. He could have a valid excuse or could have been not thinking, or worse case was being a dick and then you start a fight with him, like brothers and make up 10 minutes later.

[imsotyerred]

it's your wife's fault that she denied assistance

[LINUS]

Something else to consider - if you guys are quite tight, then he's fallen into the patterm too where any guy in a family listens to & treats any other guys' wife like his own - meaning you just listen & obey.

All the married guys out there know what I'm saying - once you figure out to just obey what the wife wants that you get left alone to do all your own stuff & avoid arguements. Then it spreads to to family gatherings, as you just sort of lump all the "family women" as the ones you listen to & do what they want - so you can get back to whatever you had going previously.

She needed to order him over to "fix it" - like I said before, he wasn't given clear instructions, and leaving a guy to think for himself & meet a womans' unspoken expectations - well, we have all run that gauntlet.

Buy the Mrs. a hide-a-key & go talk to your cousin if this bugs you. It's amazing the way we all let stuff build, all the while the other person has no idea.

[atomic]

Where were you to help your own wife out? He might have been elbow deep in a S52 swap into his e30 while drinking 8 beers to make the swap easier. And simply forgot due to alcohol to call her back and check on her. Hell I cant make excuses for him but at least he should have called her back to check on her and go from there with her needs since it appears you werent available for her.

[blunttech]

My wife locked herself out of our house last Saturday evening. She called my cousin, who lives 5 minutes away. He gave her some tips on how she may be able to get in the house, but never offered to come pick her up, so my wife said "don't worry about it, I'll call a friend". He never placed a follow-up call to see if she was okay.

My cousin and I get along really well and I felt like we were brothers. I recently helped him move a three bedroom house worth of stuff into storage and then again from storage to his new place, so it's not like I am never there for him.

If the situation was reversed, I would have driven over to his house to check on her no matter what, and then insist that she come over and hang with me and my wife until she could get back in.

Should I be pissed off at his lack of concern for my wife's well being?

the problem is you are asking advice from the "younger generation"
your cousin is a fucking asshole. if one of my family members called with a problem i would have done what is needed to help. if i simply couldnt do it because i was doing something else i would make the call and get one of my sons over there or a buddy. 99% of baggypants are self absorbed and only think of themselves till they hit about 30.

[e30 gangsta]

the problem is you are asking advice from the "younger generation"
your cousin is a fucking asshole. if one of my family members called with a problem i would have done what is needed to help. if i simply couldnt do it because i was doing something else i would make the call and get one of my sons over there or a buddy. 99% of baggypants are self absorbed and only think of themselves till they hit about 30.

qft

[Farbin Kaiber]

..."younger generation"...
...99% of baggypants are self absorbed and only think of themselves till they hit about 30.

teh bestest one word title for youth...stereotypical or not...

[blunttech]

teh bestest one word title for youth...stereotypical or not...

i cant take credit for that word. thats jonnys word for shithead youth but it is a good one

[markseven]

Seriously, I would ask him what his deal was that night. How many times a week does the wife lock herself out?

Yeah, I'm gonna call him on it, maybe there's a legitimate reason why he didn't offer to come over.

Hehe, it's weird. In the seven years I've known her, she has never locked herself out of her car or home, and has never lost her keys. However, in the last three months she has lost her keys twice and locked herself out of the house... senior moments? She just turned 30 in August...

Any chance it was late enough in the evening he might have a buzz going? He might have been doing the neighborhood a favor by not driving if so.

A follow-up call would be nice, but if she said she'd handle it, it's pretty much on her to call him & order him around if she needs help - at least that's my take.

Hey Ben, it was 6:30pm or so - AFAIK he was just hanging at home with the wife and kid. Like I wrote earlier, there may be extenuating circumstances that I am not yet aware of. I'm pretty sure she felt like a knucklehead for locking herself out and didn't want to impose on anyone, especially if they aren't offering help.

He could have been preoccupied with something else. I would, if I could, come and help out but sometimes that stuff happens at the wrong time for both parties.

Ask him, if he is "kinda" like your brother, you shouldn't be worried to confront him. He could have a valid excuse or could have been not thinking, or worse case was being a dick and then you start a fight with him, like brothers and make up 10 minutes later.

Word. I'm gonna find out what's up. I just wanna chill and get the anger to subside before I speak with him, so I don't say things I don't mean. He is like a bro, so it should be cool.

it's your wife's fault that she denied assistance

No assistance was offered accept for tips on how to break in. That's the issue here.

Something else to consider - if you guys are quite tight, then he's fallen into the patterm too where any guy in a family listens to & treats any other guys' wife like his own - meaning you just listen & obey.

All the married guys out there know what I'm saying - once you figure out to just obey what the wife wants that you get left alone to do all your own stuff & avoid arguements. Then it spreads to to family gatherings, as you just sort of lump all the "family women" as the ones you listen to & do what they want - so you can get back to whatever you had going previously.

She needed to order him over to "fix it" - like I said before, he wasn't given clear instructions, and leaving a guy to think for himself & meet a womans' unspoken expectations - well, we have all run that gauntlet.

Buy the Mrs. a hide-a-key & go talk to your cousin if this bugs you. It's amazing the way we all let stuff build, all the while the other person has no idea.

Our culture is very non-confrontational and no one wants to step on anyone else's toes or impose on anyone for anything. We feel that one should know there duty, so in her mind, my cousin didn't have to be told what to do. As a male, this should have been instinct, correct?

Where were you to help your own wife out? He might have been elbow deep in a S52 swap into his e30 while drinking 8 beers to make the swap easier. And simply forgot due to alcohol to call her back and check on her. Hell I cant make excuses for him but at least he should have called her back to check on her and go from there with her needs since it appears you werent available for her.

If he was elbow deep in an S52 swap and my wife interrupted him, I would break her phone and drop her off on the side of the road. :D

the problem is you are asking advice from the "younger generation"
your cousin is a fucking asshole. if one of my family members called with a problem i would have done what is needed to help. if i simply couldn't do it because i was doing something else i would make the call and get one of my sons over there or a buddy. 99% of baggypants are self absorbed and only think of themselves till they hit about 30.

We are definitely cut from the same cloth in regard to a man's role in the universe. This is a deal-breaker for me and my cousin, so I'm trying to get all perspectives before making the phone call. That's why I asked the question here.

qft

Word

teh bestest one word title for youth...stereotypical or not...

That is pretty funny...

[atomic]

Problem Solved !!

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[Jscotty]

your cousin is a fucking asshole. if one of my family members called with a problem i would have done what is needed to help. if i simply couldnt do it because i was doing something else i would make the call and get one of my sons over there or a buddy.

You hit the nail on the head.

Any time something like that happens to the wife or a child of a close friend or family member of mine, this immediately becomes a situation of urgency. I agree with Linus that as guys sometimes we just miss it. But at the same time no real man allows a woman to remain locked out of her house late at night while he sits there on the phone talking about, "Hmmm.. I don't know whatcha gonna do. Oh well." whether family, friend or otherwise.

[markseven]

You hit the nail on the head.

Any time something like that happens to the wife or a child of a close friend or family member of mine, this immediately becomes a situation of urgency. I agree with Linus that as guys sometimes we just miss it. But at the same time no real man allows a woman to remain locked out of her house late at night while he sits there on the phone talking about, "Hmmm.. I don't know whatcha gonna do. Oh well." whether family, friend or otherwise.

Exactly.He should have known better.

I'm surprised his wife didn't tell him that he should go pick up my wife.

Lame.