Married Guys: How do you handle your bank accounts?

[thebornotaku]

Your "SO"? what is that?

significant other

[ck_taft325is]

So, your dad was an jerk by your own admission yet you'll heed his marital advice? That's like Hugh Hefner telling me how to be a good husband.

You can actually diagnose the "health" of your marriage by how many bank accounts you have and how you guy about the budget with each other. Your heart follows your wallet. The grown up man-child "I don't want to fund her spending on xyz" is just that... childish and frankly a great recipe for having a stressful marriage that'll end in divorce 9 out of 10 times. You don't like not being trusted with things so why should any woman like being distrusted with the money and time you put in to provide for her?

On a personal note, my wife and I share accounts. Everything goes into the primary, then bills get paid. If we have left over money, we'll see if there's something big both of us want to do or save up for something. Bills getting paid includes our "allowance" or running money.

[BigD]

5 years here, separate accounts. I guess the main reason they're separate is it was too much work. We all had our own bills and one way or the other, we'd have to go through the trouble of changing shit. Never had a problem this way.

The key, like the rest of the marriage, is to have no secrets. All of our computers have all online banking logins saved, we've used each other accounts etc (eg if we need to buy a big ticket item that neither can cover, we just pay twice at the store, never had a problem). If you have nothing to hide - then who cares if there are separate accounts? There's also an added bonus of surprise. I bought her a car for her birthday last year and I could save up the downpayment without having to explain why I'm suddenly the frugal type.

[ck_taft325is]

5 years here, separate accounts. I guess the main reason they're separate is it was too much work. We all had our own bills and one way or the other, we'd have to go through the trouble of changing shit. Never had a problem this way.

The key, like the rest of the marriage, is to have no secrets. All of our computers have all online banking logins saved, we've used each other accounts etc (eg if we need to buy a big ticket item that neither can cover, we just pay twice at the store, never had a problem). If you have nothing to hide - then who cares if there are separate accounts? There's also an added bonus of surprise. I bought her a car for her birthday last year and I could save up the downpayment without having to explain why I'm suddenly the frugal type.

Exactly. I want to clarify something about my previous post.. it wasn't saying seperate bank accounts makes for a bad marriage. I'm saying the idea or motive behind the seperate accounts is a HUGE problem the way I've read quite a few people (including the OP) dilema.

[drift]

Who makes more than the other?

[mrsleeve]

Not married but been together for more than 10 years 1 income mine. 2 accounts, Mine and joint. The joint is hers for what ever she needs day to day and when a check needs to be written for some thing ( I dont even have any more checks for my account). Most of the money sits in mine where it earns a slightly better interest rate.

When she needs some she can just go online and transfer some over into the joint, simple as that. She has access to it if she needs and can do so from her phone if need be while in town shopping. We always have had one account but it was just mine as we went everywhere together or of she did go some where by herself she would just use a CC. Well we got away from CC in 2007, so I had to set up a joint account so she had access to money while I am out working all over the country for months at a time.

There are no questions when I go out a buy gear for work (boots, cloths, outerwear etc...) Or guns, ammo ,tools, car/truck stuff and what not. When she buys those over priced "hand bags" (latest kick shes on) and what not I dont bitch one bit. If she's going to spend a ton of money (like 2K plus) while I am not right there with her at purchase time, she will ask if we can this month. As she knows my road/work bills can vary from week to week, and that I may have put a big payment on my truck or something, like that. She is sensible and a good woman.

[Restoman]

My wives student loans come out of my account, my college was paid for so no issues there. Shortly after we were married I paid off her car. 11k in one pass. I don't care for debt and I sure did not like the death trap she was in before that. Money well spent in my eyes. I like for my wife to be showered with everything that she likes, BUT I also married a very sensible woman. In turn she also likes to see me get what I want. This topic also leads to children. Children need and want stuff that never ever crossed your mind, you will buy it an smile. That is just life.

[ForcedFirebird]

She has her account for her direct deposit, we have a joint account for the house bills auto-draft, I have my bank account and a paypal for my shop, then each of our 4 kids have their own account.

[e30 gangsta]

The way ive always done it is same account all the money gets deposited pay the bills, then give each other a monthly allowance. And keep whatever is left for savings.

One will always make more than the other, so this one might not suite everyone.

[pureaudio]

Listen to this man.

Everybody I know with a fairly successul but more importantly, stable marriage, does this or something similar.

When you go throwing all of your money in to the same pot, shit gets messy. Suddenly she wants to know why "she's" paying several hundred for car parts that she doesn't understand, you want to know why "you're" paying for mall trips that you don't understand, etc...

My father, even being the asshole that he is, had one good piece of advice: Keep your SO and your bank account separate.

Oh wise one, please bless us with more brilliant advice on subjects you have no experience with.

[dinanm3atl]

I spend my money.
She spends her.
Bills 50/50.
Multiple Accounts.

As with the other I am self employed. So some car stuff, garage stuff, bills, cost, food etc are my expenses that I need to be 'my money' anyways. On top of that I flip cars, parts and buy/sell other things. That is my money and I don't ask to use it.

With that said if she wants something she will ask. If I want something. I will ask. This assumes it is a big thing. I don't just bring home a new E30 or a 50" TV and plop it in the living room.

[BigD]

I don't just bring home a new E30 or a 50" TV and plop it in the living room.

Ditto. Never plop an E30 in the living room without asking.

[Farbin Kaiber]

One account, six years together, everything we make goes in, when we need/want something, we buy it.

It's sad to see the hiding people are doing, if you can't work together and provide the things your S/O want's, your in the wrong relationship and need to stop dating yourself first.

Most of this thread is what's wrong with our society.

[briansjacobs]

I remeber when I came home with a (then) new Z3 2.8 coupe. Man she was pissed.

[dinanm3atl]

Ditto. Never plop an E30 in the living room without asking.

True. That would be bad news.