Am I the asshole?

[JAM]

havent posted in a long time, used to be a regular on here, till i sold my e30.

anyway, ive always remembered how this site had a good amount of seemingly intelligent people, and also i know maybe 2 members in real life (that always helps when youre making a thread like this)

alright, im going to try to keep this as brief as possible. my life as of the last 7 years goes like this -

my brother is a heroin addict. moved to vegas for a while, mainly to do drugs. moved back. made my life shitty ever since. between stealing my roommates cars, my money, blowing the motor in my vr6 swapped mk2 (this is after he stole one of my moms credit cards and bought something for $1000 to pawn for dope) bouncing between rehab, jobs, drugs, rehab, jobs, drugs, all the while myself, my mom and dad trying our best to help him when hes clean, and try to get him to stay clean. letting him borrow cars, giving him my old cars when i get newer ones (he currently drives a accord i gave him)

my parents up and moved to florida 2 years ago bc they just couldnt take it anymore. they ran away, and i dont blame them.

anyway, around 1.5 years ago shit really seemed to be turning around for him. he was sleeping on the floor in my office, and borrowing my 95 civic, but for him, thats turned around. he had a job, he had enrolled himself in school, seemed like shit was going to finally be good after 5 years of hell

he's 26. he meets a 19 year old waitress at his work. shes not attractive, at all. she is super trashy. he stops going to classes. kept the grant money and loan money he took out though!! all $6000 of it. didnt buy a car with it either....

he moves in with her. she is dumb and young and doesnt drive, has no desire to drive. you can probably see where this is going

my mom got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 8 months ago. it was a death sentence. she was dead within a few months. 56 years old. i am still ruined by this. my dad is a widow in florida, all by himself.

my brother called me a few months ago to give me the WONDERFUL news that he got his 19 year old, uneducated girlfriend pregnant!!! WOW!!!

needless to say, i want nothing to do with the baby. he calls and asks if i want an invitation to her shower for my fiance, she wants nothing to do with it, i dont blame her. she has been really great and understanding through this whole thing.

so, i get a picture message from my cousin of the invitation to the shower. they are planning on naming the baby after my mom

i feel like im going to fucking snap. like, loose my shit, just drive off of a fucking cliff while pounding the dash

so. am i the asshole for strongly saying i DO NOT want this baby named after my mother? i should also say that she was VERY religious before she passed, and with that comes the whole marriage before children thing, which she was a strong believer in.

i need therapy

[e30jake]

I dont know that there is a good solution to this. I wouldnt call you an asshole though from what youve described. Have you actually talked to your brother about the issues you have with it yet?

[RUFFLZ]

reading this made me REALLY sad like REALLYY..fuck man.
The only thing I can or really wanna say is condolences for you, your momma, and pops.

[CHIF8008]

your brother is a screw up. yes.


but naming his kid in your moms honor is the best he can do to make up for it(in his mind)- i do not see that as a bad thing. it may seem too soon to be naming a baby after someone has just died- but that was poor planning and the getting prego problem.

and i understand you not wanting anything to do with the baby, id be pissed too

[Blackout]

Everybody seems to have an awesomely disgusting time when your brother is around.
So obviously your brother is the ASSHOLE. Not, you.
Don't let him drag you down. Because he clearly does not give a damn about his real family.

[Plan:B]

reading this made me REALLY sad like REALLYY..fuck man.
The only thing I can or really wanna say is condolences for you, your momma, and pops.

I agree!

You're not a asshole. I would flip the fuck out! Every man has a breaking point. Try not to get there.


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[brutus87]

I have a step sister like that.
I just ignore her facebook and other requests for anything.
Sorry, wish I could be more help, but I at least understand.

[Rsully70sev]

Drugs fuck people up.

[MR 325]

You can only help people so much, they need to want to help themselves.

I think you need to get him and the stress he brings you out of your life.

[ohthejosh]

First and foremost, my condolences on your loss. I hope you and your fiance have helped your father through it as well.

Secondly, I feel as if I experienced the 5 years of hell all within a few minutes.

Personally, I strongly believe there is absolutely no hope for your brother to fix himself. He will ultimately ruin himself for the rest of his life. I can understand how you do not want anything to do with your brother nor his girlfriend but please don't abandon the child. I do not believe for one second that that child will change your brother and his ways. With that I feel your niece will be living the majority of her life with a possibly absent father. Her mother will not be any better with her lack of self-improvement. I am sure with all you have gone through you cannot possibly clean you hands and turn you back on the fact that, that child had no choice on being born into this world into such a gloom future ahead of her.

Don't forget she will be named after your mother and there is nothing you or that child can do about it. Please, I beg of you, do not forgot or abandon that child from your thoughts. Don't let your brother nor his gf tarnish your mothers' name. That child deserves better.

Again, my condolences and best of luck with your marriage.

This all I can contribute to this thread.

[dannyyisntt]

Asshole!


Jk.

As mr. 325 posted, your brother is poison in your life. Continue enabling him and he will continue to hurt you and those around you. He may have dishonored, hurt and been an utter fuck up with the family (and life in general), but people handle grief differently and he may see the naming of his first born as a way to honor his mother (it was his mother too) after her death.

You have all the right in the world to have anger towards him for the pain and disappointment he's caused you. It's normal to have resentment towards those that abuse us. You need to air all of this with your brother. Tell him it's his life and if he continues his destructive habits, you won't be part of it. Do not go about enabling him anymore (cars, housing, money, etc) because that doesn't help anybody. Accept what he is and set the bar low in expectations, he may surprise you one day.

[5spoke]

Your brother is selfish and an attention whore. He's naming the baby after your mom to get some credit for missing her and somehow help the family's view on his condition. "oh well he really misses his mom, so the things he does are a little more excusable". I have friends and acquaintances that do this same shit. It pisses me off too. A friend's mom died of Ovarian cancer, her mom was really against tattoos and would never let her get one when she was alive, what does she do, go and gets a giant ass tattoo in memory of her mom. Also she drinks and does drugs constantly and blames it on her sadness because her mom is gone, but really she was doing the same stuff before hand but now has an "excuse" in her mind.

You have ever right to be pissed, you don't want the baby named after your mom to become a drug addict and fuck its life up too.

[mtechnik]

So, so sorry for the loss of your beloved moms and your brother's life troubles.

I must say that the child is nothing but innocent in all of this.

I hope you can find some peace of mind midst all these feelings/emotions.

Are you and your brother the only children?

[z31maniac]

TL;DR

Yes, yes you are.

[Restoman]

Drugs fuck people up.

No, people find ways to fuck themselves up. Addicts are addicts.