Am I the asshole?

[JAM]

We are the only 2 children. I have told him numerous times how I feel, and my reasons, but he will not listen to me. He couldn't care less. He is going to do whatever he wants, like always. I can post iPhone screen shots if you guys are interested

Thanks for the helpful replies and kind words

[JAM]

No, but he has been on suboxone for the last year and a half. It's like methadone. So, ya, you could say he's still on drugs

[quikveedb2]

I would argue that, in the throes of heroin addiction, your brother is not the person you loved and cared for at some point in your life. Addiction changes a person in such a way that it is difficult to gauge how much of their action is dictated by the drug, and how much is coming from the character of the person inside, but I'd wager that not much of what he is doing is the real person, your brother, acting. It's mostly the addict. I'd also say that you are an enabler; giving cars, places to sleep, and so on is only enforcing that what your brother is doing with his life is acceptable. It sounds a bit cliche (thanks to A&E) but I'd look into staging an intervention. Gather the people who TRULY care for your brother and a mediator, talk to him about finding help, and create some REAL CONSEQUENCES if he does not follow through. No cars, no money, no place to stay, NO CONTACT. It's clear that you still love him, or you truly wouldn't care, the fact that you are angry at all betrays your love for him. Do something about it.

[be34st]

No, you're not the asshole.

However your brothers baby is innocent in all of this and doesn't deserve to be shunned because of her father's actions, and mother's lack of an education.

The people that are the hardest to love are usually the ones who need it the most.

Like others have said you have to stop enabling your brother. People don't change unless they want to change. Talk to him. Let him know how you feel one last time. If all else fails just take a step back and let him hit rock bottom, all you can do is be there for him when he's ready to pick himself back up.

[Earendil]

i need therapy

Seriously, this. I feel for you, and it's a shit place to be and you've been an awesome brother so far.

How much aid you give your brother, either financially, emotionally, or time, is up for debate. Supporting his life style 100% isn't good, but neither would be walking away. When people become desperate quickly, that's when they become (even more) stupid and unpredictable.

But I think one of the worst things that could happen in this story is if you lose it. If you become stressed or depressed to the point of not making rational decisions yourself (and by this I mean decisions that you regret in 5 or 10 years), that is where the shit really hits the fan. So I would seriously suggest you seek therapy, and get some of this off your chest. Talking to someone who is smart, and emotionally unattached from your life could be very grounding and calming.

That's all I've got for you. Stay strong, but know that it's okay for you to break as well. As long as you break with people around you that are ready for it, and not in some giant bottled up climax that starts to destroy your life as well.

Peace be with you stranger.

[canadiankid]

pissed? At that point I would tell my brother he is on his own. I can't believe you have stuck with him. I have a very low tolerance for bullshit.

[GillesBigCowboy]

Sad story, man. You are not an asshole, and you should not feel guilty about any thoughts or feelings.

[spike68]

I would talk it out first. Maybe his doing it to make up for all the pain, even though personally i dont think thats a good idea. I guess he may be doing what i can, but at the same time he still looks like an asshole for doing it.

Thats a tough situation, but like i said, talk it out.
I wanna flip my shit if i were in your situation too. But staying calm and conservative will be the virtue in the end.

My condolences to you fellow sir.

[Kershaw]

great posts in this thread. i think i agree with all of it. even stuff that is slightly conflicting. on one hand i would be pissed about this, but on the other, it's their right to name their kid what they want.

you dont have to include them in your family though. and im really sorry about the last decade of your life man. wow. sucks.

[JTDay]

The reality is: your brother will stop using and get straight, or he will die. Maybe this baby can change things for him. For some addicts, an event like that can change things. They have a spiritual awakening so to speak.

As for you, the only thing you can do is offer support. By giving him money, cars, a place to sleep, whatever.. you're enabling him to keep doing the things he has done in the past. If he asks for those things, you must say no.

Your brother loved your mother, so if he wants to give his baby her name, I think you should support that. Even if you aren't around for the baby. You can choose not to be involved and that's ok. You mentioned your mother had a strong faith. Maybe you do too. Don't give up on that.

You really need to seek therapy if you think it can help you. Sometimes we just need to get things on the table and get a professional opinion. All of us can analyze the situation, but without knowing WHO YOU ARE, it's hard for us to tell you what you need to do.

I can end with two great quotes:

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It Goes On." - Robert Frost

"Toxic thoughts affect the mind like toxic substances affect the body." Danny Roland

People ask why the world is unfair, or why bad things happen. It's because God gave us a choice. If not for the choice, we'd have no power of will. And if not for that, there would be no good and bad. It would just be. All will work out in time. And take my suggestion! See a therapist. I'm sorry things are they way they are for you. Sometimes it helps me to remember, maybe things are hard for me right now, but I'm alive and healthy. Look how good I have it.

Peace be with you.

[bddog]

Your Brother is the asshole. Cut him off. Have nothing to do with him.
He has done his best to ruin your parents family.
Do not let him ruin your new family. If you let him , he will.
My brother robbed everybody blind. He was a complete low life until he died.
I certainly do not miss him stealing from me and mine. Good Luck!