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Your worst deuce experience? NWS?

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    Your worst deuce experience? NWS?

    So I was sitting on the crapper at work & started to reminisce about the worst place I've taken a dump. I took me a while to get over my fear of dropping bombs in public places, but in no means do I prefer it over the solitude of my john @ home. I only of course use these facilities if I have no other options. Which brings me to my worst crapper experience.

    One sunny afternoon in beautiful Cali at the infamous Venice beach it hit me. That feeling of, "Please not now, not here!" I felt the push of a slight turtle head & knew the time was nearing. I fought through the crowds in search of a clean place to handle my business. I went into every crowded restaurant/bar to find horrendous waiting lines. At this point I was at defcon 4 & there was no way I could withstand 10 people plus lines. When I thought all was lost & it would end in pure embarresment of destroying my trousers a shining glistening turd of the public beach stalls seemed like my only haven.

    I infiltrated an open stall to walk into what can only be described as one of the levels of hell. It was dark as there were no lights, the floors were wet with what I can only imagine was a mixture of blood urine & other bodily fluids. Plastered on the ceiling were massive wads of toilet paper, the floors were riddled with syringes, condoms, diapers, broken pipes, & other things I could not explain. Toilet paper was nowhere to be found & the toilet itself seemed to be destroyed by a hydropump attack from Blastoise, but it would have to do. I dropped my pants hovered over the stainless steel throne & unleashed a sight that could only be compared to a nuclear drop on Hiroshima. Luckily I avoided nuking my pants & landed 90% in & around this toilet. I wiped with a handful of napkins I had stuffed in my pockets from lunch, but that was another battle in itself. When I emerged from hell I was blinded from the sun as my eyes readjusted to the light & walked away hoping to never experience this again.
    Last edited by E30_Pare; 07-03-2012, 08:07 PM.

    NEW ERA AUTO GLASS - SFV SOCAL - 818 974-3673
    DREWLIENTE

    1$ PShops PM me


    #2
    One of the most disturbing posts I've read on this forum yet.
    sigpic'87 335i

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      #3
      in a milk carton (2%)
      We can serve you better through Email

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        #4
        Originally posted by E30_Pare View Post
        & the toilet itself seemed to be destroyed by a hydropump attack from Blastoise.
        oh geez

        1984 eta
        1964 1600 Roadster

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          #5
          Having the shits at your GF's house when her hot friend and about 20 other people are over. That sucks.
          The first car I ever rode in was an e30

          Originally posted by Cabriolet
          Wish you the best and hope you don't remember anything after 10pm.
          1992 Mauritiusblau Vert
          1991 Brillantrot Vert

          2002 540i/6 Black/Black
          2003 GSX-R 750

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            #6
            poo pourri is your friend

            1984 eta
            1964 1600 Roadster

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              #7
              On your chest.

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                #8
                Originally posted by blunttech View Post
                in a milk carton (2%)
                What spell did u use to achieve this? It's not showing in my dungeons & dragons manual.

                Originally posted by cunninglinguist View Post
                On your chest.
                I thought we agreed to never bring that up again. Anyways it wasn't that bad right ;)

                NEW ERA AUTO GLASS - SFV SOCAL - 818 974-3673
                DREWLIENTE

                1$ PShops PM me

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                  #9
                  Riding in the back of a 113 out on patrol in Ramadi in 2006. Had to shit into an old MRE box. Let's just say, it was a tight squeeze and I didn't have the best of luck. It's like trying to shit into a shoebox while wearing a 50lb straight jacket while sitting inside the back of a Ford explorer with wooden shocks.

                  Good thing was it was only about 120f in the back and not 130f.
                  My 1991 318is Progression Thread

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                    #10
                    only time ive ever tried to shit anywhere but a toilet i took a dump on my leg.

                    ill stick to toilets :/
                    although i do enjoy peeing outside whenever i have the opportunity.

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                      #11
                      I do have a story for this thread, but I've only ever told it to one soul (my wife). I think I'll keep it that way, fail on my part.

                      FWIW, "How to Shit in the Woods" is a worthwhile read, and definitely helped in my case (although it wasn't in the woods).
                      '84 318i - Lapisblau/Schwarz (in cryosleep)
                      '06 330i - Titansilber/Schwarz

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                        #12
                        i tried to shit underwater once (no, not a pool).

                        it was rather unpleasant, but eventually successful, after i got over the sensation of water being gulped into my anus during each post-clench state of vacuum.


                        also,

                        Originally posted by kway View Post
                        I do have a story for this thread, but I've only ever told it to one soul (my wife). I think I'll keep it that way, fail on my part.

                        of all people to talk about shitting with, you choose your dearly beloved over r3v? does not compute.
                        buy my m20/g260 parts

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                          #13
                          Originally posted by evandael View Post
                          after i got over the sensation of water being gulped into my anus during each post-clench state of vacuum.

                          Originally posted by SpasticDwarf
                          Honestly I built it just to have a place to sit and listen to Hotline Bling on repeat.

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                            #14
                            Originally posted by kway View Post
                            I do have a story for this thread, but I've only ever told it to one soul (my wife). I think I'll keep it that way, fail on my part.

                            FWIW, "How to Shit in the Woods" is a worthwhile read, and definitely helped in my case (although it wasn't in the woods).
                            Plz deliver! I shared my horror story. R3v does not judge. We excommunicate.

                            NEW ERA AUTO GLASS - SFV SOCAL - 818 974-3673
                            DREWLIENTE

                            1$ PShops PM me

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                              #15
                              Nice, I had an event in 1991 that this story reminds me of.

                              I was enjoying a summer evening in the U district in Seattle when I got the sensation of needing a toilet sometime in the near future. I made my way walking from U way and 45th up to 15th and 65th just north of Ravenna park. At about 50th it started getting urgent so I picked up the pace. Once I hit the Cowan park portion of Ravenna I really had to go. I went into one of the bathrooms there and was about to commence my course of action when I saw small white bugs on the toilet seat. I assumed they were pubic lice so I opted to not use that place. I then ran across the bridge and up the two blocks to my house. I got the key into the door, turned it and shit my pants.

                              I guess it was a sign as they were those lame mc hammer pants that were popular or should I say poopular. Anyways, I write this sitting on a toilet at the community college outside of my welding class. The door has many things about juggalos and numbers for gay sex. This thread delivers.....my turd.
                              sigpic
                              Gun control means using both hands
                              Sex, Drugs, Rock 'n roll. Pick two.

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