So I was sitting on the crapper at work & started to reminisce about the worst place I've taken a dump. I took me a while to get over my fear of dropping bombs in public places, but in no means do I prefer it over the solitude of my john @ home. I only of course use these facilities if I have no other options. Which brings me to my worst crapper experience.
One sunny afternoon in beautiful Cali at the infamous Venice beach it hit me. That feeling of, "Please not now, not here!" I felt the push of a slight turtle head & knew the time was nearing. I fought through the crowds in search of a clean place to handle my business. I went into every crowded restaurant/bar to find horrendous waiting lines. At this point I was at defcon 4 & there was no way I could withstand 10 people plus lines. When I thought all was lost & it would end in pure embarresment of destroying my trousers a shining glistening turd of the public beach stalls seemed like my only haven.
I infiltrated an open stall to walk into what can only be described as one of the levels of hell. It was dark as there were no lights, the floors were wet with what I can only imagine was a mixture of blood urine & other bodily fluids. Plastered on the ceiling were massive wads of toilet paper, the floors were riddled with syringes, condoms, diapers, broken pipes, & other things I could not explain. Toilet paper was nowhere to be found & the toilet itself seemed to be destroyed by a hydropump attack from Blastoise, but it would have to do. I dropped my pants hovered over the stainless steel throne & unleashed a sight that could only be compared to a nuclear drop on Hiroshima. Luckily I avoided nuking my pants & landed 90% in & around this toilet. I wiped with a handful of napkins I had stuffed in my pockets from lunch, but that was another battle in itself. When I emerged from hell I was blinded from the sun as my eyes readjusted to the light & walked away hoping to never experience this again.
One sunny afternoon in beautiful Cali at the infamous Venice beach it hit me. That feeling of, "Please not now, not here!" I felt the push of a slight turtle head & knew the time was nearing. I fought through the crowds in search of a clean place to handle my business. I went into every crowded restaurant/bar to find horrendous waiting lines. At this point I was at defcon 4 & there was no way I could withstand 10 people plus lines. When I thought all was lost & it would end in pure embarresment of destroying my trousers a shining glistening turd of the public beach stalls seemed like my only haven.
I infiltrated an open stall to walk into what can only be described as one of the levels of hell. It was dark as there were no lights, the floors were wet with what I can only imagine was a mixture of blood urine & other bodily fluids. Plastered on the ceiling were massive wads of toilet paper, the floors were riddled with syringes, condoms, diapers, broken pipes, & other things I could not explain. Toilet paper was nowhere to be found & the toilet itself seemed to be destroyed by a hydropump attack from Blastoise, but it would have to do. I dropped my pants hovered over the stainless steel throne & unleashed a sight that could only be compared to a nuclear drop on Hiroshima. Luckily I avoided nuking my pants & landed 90% in & around this toilet. I wiped with a handful of napkins I had stuffed in my pockets from lunch, but that was another battle in itself. When I emerged from hell I was blinded from the sun as my eyes readjusted to the light & walked away hoping to never experience this again.
DREWLIENTE
oh geez
Comment