Your worst deuce experience? NWS?

[E30_Pare]

Once was working with my pops at one of his high class customers homes. Before we arrived I already felt the shit storm rumbling from lunches carne asada & bean plate. I managed to work through the pain, but by the end of the job the owner started chatting with my pops. I was starting to loose my mind not wanting to ask if I could destroy his bathroom, and weighing my options on wether or not i could make it to another toilet in time.

I felt the spicy bean and beef combo fighting to escape my tightly grasped sphincter when I cracked, and in panic asked to use the bathroom,"number 2 hurry D:."

I rushed inside where his whole family and extremely fine korean daughter watched as a raced in pain. When I made it to the toilet I was simply amazed at how the other half lived. In one corner was a full sized stuffed grizzly dwarfed by the 15ft ceiling. A dam chandelier and a shower that made mine seem like a kiddy pool.

I tried to let the farts out slowly to no avail all I can describe it as a machine gun battle with grenades and rpgs. I was a short deuce, but rank, and violent. By the end I was exhausted, sweating, and gasping for air. I found the best air freshener man ever created that completely killed the dank washed up, and left quietly. When I got back outside I rushed my pops to leave. All in all made a clean exit.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[dirtbag30]

When i lived in washington. i was with a good friend of mine and we went to this pretty hot girls house to hang out yada yada... we were having a good time and all of a sudden i got the worst stomach ache ever. had diarrhea like gut turning bad. and to make it all worse the door didnt lock and her mom walked in on me shitting my guts out. it was the worst experience ever and i was so embarrassed i called another friend to come pick me up. shockingly she actually said hi to me and asked if i was alright when i ran into her a few days later.

[henryki]

Here is one of the customer reviews of the Haribo Sugar Free Gummi bears.



Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.


and heres the link to the rest of them. Enjoy. Major lolz to be had.

http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/product-reviews/B000EVQWKC/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?showViewpoints=1

[Cletonius]

Well this morning I am on top of a ridge in centeral w.v. air temps hovering about 13 below zero. No portable shit house up here. Had to make like a bear and walk over the hill and go shit shit in the woods.

No pics of steaming pile?

[mrsleeve]

Well this morning I am on top of a ridge in centeral w.v. air temps hovering about 13 below zero. No portable shit house up here. Had to make like a bear and walk over the hill and go shit shit in the woods.

[mtechnik]

Rootin' for ya!

[ButtJuice]

My worst experience is currently happening. It is 6:50 am and I have 10 mins to hop in the shower, but I can't because my stomach feels like an oven and my asshole is on fire. Don't know when I'll be off this toilet...

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

Hang in there man!

[gtdragon980]

My worst experience is currently happening. It is 6:50 am and I have 10 mins to hop in the shower, but I can't because my stomach feels like an oven and my asshole is on fire. Don't know when I'll be off this toilet...

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

[golde30]

If you want some good dumping stories look up reviews for 5 lbs bag of sugar free haribro gummy bears on amazon and read the product reviews. Some call them hell bears and others Satan's diarrhea hate bears.

This.

[mtechnik]

from this entry

[...]

i chucked that pair of jeans in the trash.

:mrgreen:

[ButtJuice]

I'm currently taking an explosive shit right now at 2:41 am after being woken up by a violet stomach ache. I'm pretty sure I'm lactose intolerant, but I fucking love Mexican food.

[henryki]

If you want some good dumping stories look up reviews for 5 lbs bag of sugar free haribro gummy bears on amazon and read the product reviews. Some call them hell bears and others Satan's diarrhea hate bears.

[Fusion]

Ever have the feeling your ass is going to explode with brown havoc, but all that happens is one small swimmer dives and the rest is an orchestral fart fest?
This just happened. Must've been the beans.

[Joe G]

21st Birthday.

Woke up and immediately bought 3 bottles of Andre (shit champagne), OJ, a few cases of beer, and some whiskey. My roommates and I began mimosa pong on our back deck (at the time I was living in a nice, mostly middle class +, family neighborhood in Spokane, Wa). We were drinking and playing for an hour or so when the neighbor girl saw us and invited us over to play beer pong in her pool. So naturally we went over. She was cute but had some extra meat on her bones, anyway it was one more chick than we currently had with us, plus a pool.

Once we got over there we played pong, her parents were really cool insisting on us drinking their good beer instead of our cheap shit. After a while my roommates lost interest and headed home, I was getting pretty shitfaced (it was my fuckin birthday) so I continued to play swim, drink beer, flirt with the neighbor girl, etc...

At around 5pm her parents realized it was my B-day and insisted to on taking me to a bar for a drink. So i ran home, showered (with a beer of course), and put on a pair of very light khakis (commando), and a t-shirt. I went back over and we headed to the bar.

We got there and her dad insisted I order a drink and a shot...I ordered a double Rumple Minze shot and a Segrams 7 on the rocks. This lead to another shot or two of Rumple. We then left the bar and headed back to their house. Her dad insisted I join them for a BBQ. I was starving (hadn't really eaten anything all day, just a lot of booze).

Once I got back to their house as I was walking through the garage into the house (behind everyone else) I farted, and this was no ordinary fart. It was a full blow SHART, looked like a mixture of Grey Poupon and Honey Mustard....This is when I regretted going commando. Once I realized it was more than just a fart I immediately went into their bathroom without turning my back to anyone. Once in there I realized that the back of my pants looked like 3 or 4 mustard packets of shit exploded.

I could not remedy this situation in anyway. I walked out of the bathroom, facing the neighbor girl and her parents, and told them my roomates just texted and were taking me out to dinner. I then proceeded to walk out of their house backwards. When I got home I showed my roommates and hilarity ensued. We continued to get even more fucked up and hung the pants up on the wall.

Later that night, I went back to the neighbors, knocked on the door, neighbor girl answered, and then we boned. Pretty good birthday.


P.S. a few weeks later I mailed said pants to my Ex.

[E30_Pare]

This thread just broke international borders +1.

When I was a kid had bubble guts on the Tijuana border from a spicy Torta and OxTail soup. All I remember was sitting in traffic, and fireworks were going on in my insides while watching kids juggle balls and sell me Chiclets. Must of past out from the pain or suppressed the memory to extinction because I dont remember what happened after.