Your worst deuce experience? NWS?

[accident]

When I was 19 I had a colostomy for 8 months. About 4 months into it I started seeing this girl. We went to a party at a friend's house because his parents were out of town. She and I proceed to get super drunk, and then decide to go upstairs and have sex in the parents' bedroom. The relationship was still new so I was still keeping my shirt on when we were having sex. I'm going to town on this girl and I smell something awful. I figure she farted because she was drunk and I was hammering her, but then my arm brushed my shirt. It was wet. I pull my shirt up and the seal between the bag and my belly was leaking, and the bag was full of watery shit that I'd neglected to drain before we fucked. I stop having sex with her and fall on to my back and bury my face in my hands. I'm embarrassed and thinking this girl will never have sex with me again.

There was shit all over her and her crotch and the skirt I'd hiked up to get at her vag, as well as my cock and balls. She doesn't realize what's happening, apparently her sense of smell doesn't work when she's drunk. She starts trying to blow me. I pull my junk out of her mouth and tell her to look down at her crotch. It takes a minute for her to figure out it's poop.

Anyway, I kept dating her for 2 years afterward.

[ThatOneEuroE30]

Amatures!



There is a reason the bath tub is so close to the toilet guys. No need to get up, just lean and puke into the tub.:D

Lol yup been there done that. Once puked out my bed room window to haha woke up puking and puked for like three hours. Don't drink entire bottles of whiskey you will pay dearly for it.

[kickinindian]

Lol trash can method don't never need to lift!

[Todd Black 88]

omg this thread has me dying. i must contribute.
i wont go into much detail because im no good at decribing things but for whatever reason my guts were in termoil. couldent get anything out. so i sat there for a while clutchin my guts pain would come in waves. i grew pail. i started sweating. nausea set in. i finally unleash the fury from my bowels as im doing so (sweating perfusly) i know im bout to puke no sooner than i stop shitting i have to turn around and puke into a yellow curry of shit. soon as im done puking wham i gotta shit again. it was terrible. after i got it out i felt much better. went a couple more times and called it a night.

sounds like a drunk double Decker evacuation I've had a few times but after the second time I use the trash can

Amatures!

There is a reason the bath tub is so close to the toilet guys. No need to get up, just lean and puke into the tub.:D

[kickinindian]

omg this thread has me dying. i must contribute.
i wont go into much detail because im no good at decribing things but for whatever reason my guts were in termoil. couldent get anything out. so i sat there for a while clutchin my guts pain would come in waves. i grew pail. i started sweating. nausea set in. i finally unleash the fury from my bowels as im doing so (sweating perfusly) i know im bout to puke no sooner than i stop shitting i have to turn around and puke into a yellow curry of shit. soon as im done puking wham i gotta shit again. it was terrible. after i got it out i felt much better. went a couple more times and called it a night.

sounds like a drunk double Decker evacuation I've had a few times but after the second time I use the trash can

[Mistawall]

omg this thread has me dying. i must contribute.
i wont go into much detail because im no good at decribing things but for whatever reason my guts were in termoil. couldent get anything out. so i sat there for a while clutchin my guts pain would come in waves. i grew pail. i started sweating. nausea set in. i finally unleash the fury from my bowels as im doing so (sweating perfusly) i know im bout to puke no sooner than i stop shitting i have to turn around and puke into a yellow curry of shit. soon as im done puking wham i gotta shit again. it was terrible. after i got it out i felt much better. went a couple more times and called it a night.

[BobombETA]

Pretty sure I was the guy who got to use the bathroom after the guy who had his worst deuce experience just now. Employee bathroom. It smelled like a hot garbage can in there. There's only 4 male employees here. Time to make the rounds.

[ThatOneEuroE30]

Middle of a corn field and used a corn leaf to wipe my ass

[Dozyproductions]

lol.

sat on the can for 20 minutes yesterday until realizing the lengthy lizard came out in the first 20 seconds.

[henryki]

Your worst deuce experience? NWS?

I was at work on the service drive when it hit me. The 5 guys greasy goodness of a burger that I ate an hour earlier was trying to make an escape. I couldn't make it to the employee bathroom in the back so I went into the customer bathroom. As I'm destroying this small space (only one urinal and a handicapped stall) the stall door doesn't lock properly and swings open. And the only way to reach it was to get up off the throne. Too risky. So with the door open I had to finish my business only to find out there's no toliet paper. All the while disgruntled customers are walking in and out every 2-3 minutes making grunting noises and clearing their throats. So I had to use the paper seat covers. Once I was finally somewhat clean I pulled my pants up and grabbed as many paper towels as I could and waddled back into the stall and finished up. I walked back onto the service drive sweaty and defeated and ready to curl up and die. Then a service writer leaves to take a leak and comes back with a disturbed look on his face sits down and says. Holy fuck that bathroom smells like ass, Who the hell would do that. Then he looks at me and starts laughing saying Yao you dirty fucking chink we're gonna lose customers because of your shit!

(I'm 6'4" and half Asian so everyone there just calls me Yao instead of Henry)

[E30_Pare]

^ couldnt make it either. Made it a couple paragraphs down skipped the fluff. Got really annoyed.


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[flyboyx]

^well, i guess it gets funny at the end. i couldn't make it that far. the guy tells a retarded story full of un germane bullshit. it would probably only be about 4 paragraphs if we didn't have to read his life story and how his dad ass banged him when he was a kid. seriously, somewhere in there, i bet he talks about sticking his penis down the garbage disposal in the kitchen sink.

[Roysneon]

http://vice.com/read/remembering-the-2003-blackout-and

[flyboyx]

:mrgreen:

somehow, i will take that as a compliment. i have to say, i think my story about shitting in an airplane is funnier, though.

[Cletonius]

Here is one of the customer reviews of the Haribo Sugar Free Gummi bears.



Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.


and heres the link to the rest of them. Enjoy. Major lolz to be had.
http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-C...owViewpoints=1

Legit.

http://www.vice.com/read/sugarless-gummy-bears-are-not-safe-for-humans