Having a backyard tent party/bonfire. Crazy *stuff* you'd suggest?

[slammin.e28]

I read every word.

A true masterpiece. BRAVO!

[ST1G]

I read every word.

A true masterpiece. BRAVO!

This. win.

[Exodus_2pt0]

I read every word.

A true masterpiece. BRAVO!

Way to finish off 2013 with a bang.

Nominated for best post of the year.


Oh, and now you gotta hit it again to cancel out the bad juju.

[Optimator]

Well, you know what they say about fat people--they have a sense of humor.

[Northern]

I need to get to a keyboard.

This space reserved for the near future...

EDIT:

Alright, where do I begin... It was a pretty great night, getting there early with everything, then realizing I forgot the tent poles for my tent after placing them on the roof of the m3 specifically so I wouldn't forget them at home. Another hour later I was back with the tent poles, and we started the setup with a 100' or greater extension cord to hook up the stereo, picnic table, BBQ, big truck steelie for the fire, and all the associated stuff for the party to come.

It was maybe 3PM when we started drinking, and we fired up the BBQ with a pack of bacon, and a bulk pack of chicken legs. We fucked around for a few more before people started showing up, and before long we had the fire going nicely...

Once it got dark we started with the shenanigans. Fireworks, fire, fireworks in the fire, Pallet on the fire with four of us on it, etc...

Speaking of the flaming pallet, I was the idiot who decided to wear shorts, and my leg hair still isn't the same 4 months later.

At the end of the night, it was the girl from roy's work, Roy's neighbor, and myself around the fire taking rather awkwardly. The rest called it a night bit by bit, and Roy eventually disappeared (I assumed he had gone into his parents' house.) Not wanting to be one of the last two around the fire, I (selfishly) went to bed.

Somehow, this night was the coldest fucking night of the entire summer. I don't know how cold it was, but at 7am the next morning the OBC said it was 4 degrees above freezing (insert canada joke...)

I brought an air mattress, but expecting it to be at least 15 above zero all night I didn't bring a sleeping bag or any blankets. I woke up after being asleep maybe an hour, shivering intensely. I thought about the blanket I keep wrapped around the jack in the back of the iS, but before I made a move to get up I heard noises.

I thought the noises were the girl from roy's work, and his neighbor still around the fire, but after listening for a few seconds more I realized they weren't talking. They were definitely fucking. I laid there for a few minutes while this was happening, freezing, but not wanting to make noise opening the tent. I also thought this was taking place by the fire, so I just shivered in my bed to the sounds of the shitfaced fucking.

All of a sudden, I hear the most violent vomiting I've ever heard, along with the loud splashing and spattering of it hitting the canvas tent. The vomiting was spread over the course of 3 or so distinct sessions over the course of maybe fifteen seconds, with more of that time spent puking than not. I couldn't contain myself, I was suddenly wide awake, laughing my ass off while still trying to be quiet and not draw attention. There was some talking, then I waited until I thought I was going to freeze to death and went to the car to grab my blanket.

The next morning, I got up around 6. It was still so fucking cold I couldn't stay in that tent anymore. My shoes/socks were soaked from walking to/from the car in the middle of the night, and the blanket and the hoodie I found did nothing to warm me up. I went to the car, started it up, turned on the assburners, and waited long enough for the glass to defog so I could boot it to mcdonalds to force some grease down my throat.

After I got back, I walked around the scene of the party. Your typical hundred or so beer cans/bottles/red solo cups/nerf guns/cap guns/a few of the fireworks that disappeared and misc. shit were littered around the fire. There was still a good amount of unopened liquor and some bags around so I started to sort unopened from the empty and clean a bit of the shit up.

I soon noticed a pair of pink women's underwear wrapped around the extension cord that led to the fire. I went a little closer, noticed the tag sticking out said "La Senza XL" and decided I wanted to steer clear. I then got curious about the vomit I had heard the night before, so I started looking around the fire, the building beside it, and Roy's tent.

At first I saw no real signs of the massive barf session I had heard, and I did two full laps of everything before I thought to look in the tent. The tent is one of those 10x10'ish tall square tents with the small awning in front of the entrance on one side. What I found inside was a literal lake of vomit that smelled of rotten liquor and bile. The tent was on a small slope, so the lake was pooled in one corner, and it looked to be 4-6" deep in the corner, extending about half the width and half the length of the tent. It was spectacular, but it smelled pretty bad in that contained area, so I left quickly.

Soon after, the girl shows up as I'm sitting at the picnic table. She is walking from the house, but I can see her eyes locked on the women's underwear wrapped around the extension cord. I stand up and do a lap around the house to avoid the awkward moment where I would be staring at her recovering her clothes from that scene. After I come back, we make polite chitchat while sitting around the remnants of the fire waiting to see who wakes up next.

Up next comes Roy's old man, with his young dog. They walk over, with the dog sniffing the ground and wreckage around the fire. The dog heads to the tent, and Roy's father calls him over, saying, "get out of there, you're going to make a mess." The dog doesn't respond, and heads into the tent. Roy's dad calls the dog again, then goes to the tent to retrieve the dog.

"Oh, Jesus"

These are the last words I hear from Roy's dad before he retreats from the tent and heads back to the house with the dog.

The next appearance was Roy. He was standing on the deck, Gatorade bottle in hand, majestically staring off into the distance. I didn't understand what he was looking at. I tried to locate the object of his fixation, but there was nothing but shrubs and bushes and some old train tracks. I look back, and suddenly there is a massive fountain of clear fluid spouting from his mouth straight out, off the deck and onto the ground. The dog reappears, comes off the deck and starts lapping at the liquid spattered on the grass as Roy doubles over, throwing up some more bile/gatorade mix off the deck. I throw my arms in the air and cheer triumphantly until he stands back up, only to throw up some more disgusting mix of fluids.

I head over and we talk a bit. I think I told him he was my champion. We ended up going over to the fire, cleaning a bit, then passing out. Him under the picnic table in the shade, myself in a lawnchair. Temperature is up to like 25 or more above zero now, and I end up decently burnt by the time I get up.

I don't remember at what point the girl left, but I don't care. I didn't realize it was Roy who fucked her until the next day, but I didn't care. I tore my tent down and tried to dry it in the sun, but it didn't, so now it is in a bag probably moldy as fuck in my basement, but I don't care. It was fucking worth it.


No Cliffs.





Fuck you.

[Exodus_2pt0]

^ Checking in, staying for the show.

Was not disappointed.

[Pac1373]

Address? Lol, a bit too far.
I have a "warshers" set(yes, the R was put there on purpose, it's the maritimes for Christ sake)

So much truth,so much accuracy.

*Edit*Holy shit, I commented before reading the whole thread.
Brav-Fucking-ohh. good read, great read...that this is probably mostly true is amazing and reminds me of lost youth. thank you for the memories. and tears. such a good thread.

[SSE30]

Bravo indeed!

What an eloquent and poignant portrayal of what I am sure was a hilarious event.

Here is one of my favorite excerpts:

The carbonated water was acting as a catalyst for my bodies desire to rid itself of the poisonous liquid and grease soaked foods I've filled it with that day. It's coming harder, quicker and with much more volume than it had earlier, and once again, I was not talking about my meat stick and goo galleries.

[Northern]

post 65 ramblings updated.

bear with my ramblings, I don't worlk until thursday, still drunk.

[Fusion]

This thread took long to escalate, but was worth it.

[Andy.B]

A+ thread. Would read again.

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk

[Roysneon]

I'm drunk as fuck I fucking love you r3v Norethern is in the bathroon beside me but im fucked up rite now good nite you waffleswaffleswaffleswaffleswaffleswaffless and shit i love you brandon fuck im so lonely fuck idgaf im rolling down the stairs tooo drunk to fuck.

[lambo]

So... uhhh... E30 meet up in canada-land?

[phreshkid]

so... Uhhh... E30 meet up in canada-land?

yup

[Northern]

So... uhhh... E30 meet up in canada-land?

I wish.