Quantas pilot gripe sheets

[parkerbink]

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P)and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

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P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.

[SchnellerVert]

That's been said about every airline and service that flys aircraft.

[NC325iC]

funny stuffs

[Jon325i]

Good stuff man. Thanks :-D

Jon

[Rigmaster]

Google "gripe sheet" - you'll get at least 10 PAGES of links that are exactly the same as the above- a few of them preface it with "not sure if it's true or not, but it's funny....".

Maybe funny, but it's older than dirt. :)


Bret.

[parkerbink]

Where do I say it is new?

[Rigmaster]

Where do I say it is new?

Nowhere.


Where did I say you said it was new??


Why so sensitive??

[Ghost]

That's been said about every airline and service that flys aircraft.

Parker is on the money. So stfu.

[Matt86es]

I flew Qantas to Australia. It was the worst flying experience of my life. The flight ended up taking ~36 hours b/c they had a fuel leak so we sat on the runway in LAX for about 8 hours until they decided to lower the fuel level below the leak. (Sounds safe to me. NOT!) Then we had to refuel in Fiji in the middle of the night. That was only some of the many occurences associated with that flight. We didn't crash, but I thought we might.

BTW, pretty funny joke.