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How to ask your wife for a blowjob?

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    How to ask your wife for a blowjob?

    Scenario:

    You had hernia surgery a week ago. You have blue balls really bad. You explained to Mrs. <INSERT USERNAME HERE> that you would be unable to mount her like an Arabian stallion for quite some time, and you'd be much obliged if she could help you out with your knob in the meantime. Your wife responded that this was a poorly thought out request, and not adequate to bring the desired result.

    So guys, help me out here. How do you ask your wife nicely, romantically, and persuasively for a blowjob?

    Keep in mind:

    1. Your entire groin area is in considerable pain.
    2. You are bombed out of your gourd on Percocet.
    3. Your wife is an Evangelical, Fundamentalist true believer. In every negotiation, she has God Almighty and Jesus on her side, so as a mere mortal, you're going to get bitch slapped.
    4. You have a freezer full of dodgy, informally imported Cialis from India, so so problem there.
    5. You need this to work in a big way.

    Discuss.
    "If the sky were to fall tomorrow, the tall would die first."

    -Dr. Paul Forrester



    Do I LOOK like I need a psychological evaluation???

    #2
    Why is this a problem? Doesn't she like you?
    Last edited by LJ851; 11-28-2014, 09:25 PM.
    Lorin


    Originally posted by slammin.e28
    The M30 is God's engine.

    Comment


      #3
      Will respond latter
      Originally posted by Fusion
      If a car is the epitome of freedom, than an electric car is house arrest with your wife titty fucking your next door neighbor.
      The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money. -Alexis de Tocqueville


      The Desire to Save Humanity is Always a False Front for the Urge to Rule it- H. L. Mencken

      Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants.
      William Pitt-

      Comment


        #4
        Tell her you will give her a massage for every minute she blows you.

        AND!

        If she lets you dump your load in her mouth, you will use oil for said massage.

        In situations like this, it is always wise to receive payment for the massage up front. That way they won't play the tired card after you give them a massage. BUT, if you do the massage first, and she starts with that bullshit, just jerk off into her hair.

        Disclaimer: I wouldn't listen to the last part myself.
        Last edited by Exodus_2pt0; 11-28-2014, 09:18 PM.
        No E30 Club
        Originally posted by MrBurgundy
        Anyways, mustangs are gay and mini vans are faster than your car, you just have to deal with that.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Exodus_2pt0 View Post
          Tell her you will give her a massage for every minute she blows you.

          AND!

          If she lets you dump your load in her mouth, you will use oil for said massage.

          In situations like this, it is always wise to receive payment for the massage up front. That way they won't play the tired card after you give them a massage. BUT, if you do the massage first, and she starts with that bullshit, just jerk off into her hair.

          Disclaimer: I wouldn't listen to the last part myself.
          Bad idea. Ever try and rub your hands on a glazed donut?


          Make it her choice.

          Mouth, vag, or ass. Her choice.
          Originally posted by codyep3
          I hope to Christ you have looks going for you, because you sure as fuck don't have any intelligence.
          2001 silver/Blk 325 cabby. SOLD
          1988 Blk/Blk e30 factory wide body kit car SOLD
          1992 DS/BLK 325 m-tech II apperance pack cabby SOLD!
          2002 325xit Sil/blk. SOLD
          2012 328i xdrive touring. Wht/blk. SOLD
          2009 135 cabby. monacoblue/blk leather SOLD
          2007 Z4m coupe. Silver grey/black/ aluminum. 1of50
          2010 F650gs twin
          2016 M235i cabby. Mineral grey/Red leather

          Comment


            #6
            If you have to ask your wife for a blowjob you have already failed. Ride that marriage out and hope for a better wife in your next life.

            Comment


              #7
              find the verse in the Bible that says she needs to keep her man happy. Im sure its in there somewhere. She can say no to you, but she cant say no to Jesus
              Simon
              Current Car:
              -2000 330i Estate, the dad-mobile
              -1975 Alfa Romeo Giulia Nuova Super 1300, the never-ending name & project



              Make R3V Great Again -2020

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by 2mAn View Post
                find the verse in the Bible that says she needs to keep her man happy. Im sure its in there somewhere. She can say no to you, but she cant say no to Jesus
                This
                1989 BMW 325is | 2019 Ford Ranger FX4
                willschnitz

                Comment


                  #9
                  Ah, I remember my first blow job...
                  ///Monstrosity. (OO≡≡[][]≡≡OO)

                  Aside from showing yourself to be offensive, lacking experience and ignorant in the ways of business, you're also illiterate and imprudent. Beyond that, your sense of liability is severely impaired.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by funcrew View Post
                    Your wife responded that this was a poorly thought out request, and not adequate to bring the desired result.
                    Black mail her, or make it worth her time.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Worst case scenario, Blunt is only a short flight away.
                      Originally posted by codyep3
                      I hope to Christ you have looks going for you, because you sure as fuck don't have any intelligence.
                      2001 silver/Blk 325 cabby. SOLD
                      1988 Blk/Blk e30 factory wide body kit car SOLD
                      1992 DS/BLK 325 m-tech II apperance pack cabby SOLD!
                      2002 325xit Sil/blk. SOLD
                      2012 328i xdrive touring. Wht/blk. SOLD
                      2009 135 cabby. monacoblue/blk leather SOLD
                      2007 Z4m coupe. Silver grey/black/ aluminum. 1of50
                      2010 F650gs twin
                      2016 M235i cabby. Mineral grey/Red leather

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Mistake # 1
                        marrying a devout religious fundie woman that thinks anything other than sex for procreation or alternate means of penetration is ikky and or against the rules.

                        Mistake # 2
                        Over doing something so you have to get your hernia fixed.


                        The answers to this should be simple 1 dont get a hernia again, and many good suggestions have been made already. Some place in the bible it talks about how a woman needs to meet the "needs" of her husband, and that spilling his seed on to the ground is a sin... I know some light reading to find it but its there.

                        2 Threaten Hummer or divorce her choice... Fundies dont believe in it, and will live in a state of perpetual hate of their spouse for decades until sweet death over takes one of them. I have seen this every day in my wife's entire family on both sides, most refuse to even consider divorce because it will anger Jesus and thats against the rules. If you threaten it you must be willing to follow up on it though.....

                        3 Being a Fundie one can only wonder if she has ever had an Orgasm..... Its why I think most devout women believers dont like the sechs, they dont get much from it other than sticky wet spot to sleep in and some mild irritation both emotionally and physically.

                        4. Pleasure her orally 1st you can lay on your back and she can sit on your face until you accomplish the mission without much stain on your groin or back..... Though there is some debate over to paying 1st or receiving 1st in a barter situation like this. But given your situation I would go 1st and see where you stand after that

                        Your mileage may vary
                        Originally posted by Fusion
                        If a car is the epitome of freedom, than an electric car is house arrest with your wife titty fucking your next door neighbor.
                        The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money. -Alexis de Tocqueville


                        The Desire to Save Humanity is Always a False Front for the Urge to Rule it- H. L. Mencken

                        Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants.
                        William Pitt-

                        Comment


                          #13
                          i feel like this same guy was banned not to long ago....

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Tell her it's her or an alter boy. As a fundie she should know how serious you are and will likely succumb to the cu....favor.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjnMwE0jJwc
                              "We praise or find fault, depending on which of the two provides more opportunity for our powers of judgement to shine."

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