How to ask your wife for a blowjob?

[funcrew]

Scenario:

You had hernia surgery a week ago. You have blue balls really bad. You explained to Mrs. <INSERT USERNAME HERE> that you would be unable to mount her like an Arabian stallion for quite some time, and you'd be much obliged if she could help you out with your knob in the meantime. Your wife responded that this was a poorly thought out request, and not adequate to bring the desired result.

So guys, help me out here. How do you ask your wife nicely, romantically, and persuasively for a blowjob?

Keep in mind:

1. Your entire groin area is in considerable pain.
2. You are bombed out of your gourd on Percocet.
3. Your wife is an Evangelical, Fundamentalist true believer. In every negotiation, she has God Almighty and Jesus on her side, so as a mere mortal, you're going to get bitch slapped.
4. You have a freezer full of dodgy, informally imported Cialis from India, so so problem there.
5. You need this to work in a big way.

Discuss.

[LJ851]

Why is this a problem? Doesn't she like you?

[mrsleeve]

Will respond latter

[Exodus_2pt0]

Tell her you will give her a massage for every minute she blows you.

AND!

If she lets you dump your load in her mouth, you will use oil for said massage.

In situations like this, it is always wise to receive payment for the massage up front. That way they won't play the tired card after you give them a massage. BUT, if you do the massage first, and she starts with that bullshit, just jerk off into her hair.

Disclaimer: I wouldn't listen to the last part myself.

[Todd Black 88]

Tell her you will give her a massage for every minute she blows you.

AND!

If she lets you dump your load in her mouth, you will use oil for said massage.

In situations like this, it is always wise to receive payment for the massage up front. That way they won't play the tired card after you give them a massage. BUT, if you do the massage first, and she starts with that bullshit, just jerk off into her hair.

Disclaimer: I wouldn't listen to the last part myself.

Bad idea. Ever try and rub your hands on a glazed donut?


Make it her choice.

Mouth, vag, or ass. Her choice.

[LSM3]

If you have to ask your wife for a blowjob you have already failed. Ride that marriage out and hope for a better wife in your next life.

[2mAn]

find the verse in the Bible that says she needs to keep her man happy. Im sure its in there somewhere. She can say no to you, but she cant say no to Jesus

[Wschnitz]

find the verse in the Bible that says she needs to keep her man happy. Im sure its in there somewhere. She can say no to you, but she cant say no to Jesus

This

[Doughnut]

Ah, I remember my first blow job...

[ST1G]

Your wife responded that this was a poorly thought out request, and not adequate to bring the desired result.

Black mail her, or make it worth her time.

[Todd Black 88]

Worst case scenario, Blunt is only a short flight away.

[mrsleeve]

Mistake # 1
marrying a devout religious fundie woman that thinks anything other than sex for procreation or alternate means of penetration is ikky and or against the rules.

Mistake # 2
Over doing something so you have to get your hernia fixed.


The answers to this should be simple 1 dont get a hernia again, and many good suggestions have been made already. Some place in the bible it talks about how a woman needs to meet the "needs" of her husband, and that spilling his seed on to the ground is a sin... I know some light reading to find it but its there.

2 Threaten Hummer or divorce her choice... Fundies dont believe in it, and will live in a state of perpetual hate of their spouse for decades until sweet death over takes one of them. I have seen this every day in my wife's entire family on both sides, most refuse to even consider divorce because it will anger Jesus and thats against the rules. If you threaten it you must be willing to follow up on it though.....

3 Being a Fundie one can only wonder if she has ever had an Orgasm..... Its why I think most devout women believers dont like the sechs, they dont get much from it other than sticky wet spot to sleep in and some mild irritation both emotionally and physically.

4. Pleasure her orally 1st you can lay on your back and she can sit on your face until you accomplish the mission without much stain on your groin or back..... Though there is some debate over to paying 1st or receiving 1st in a barter situation like this. But given your situation I would go 1st and see where you stand after that

Your mileage may vary

[kickinindian]

i feel like this same guy was banned not to long ago....

[cale]

Tell her it's her or an alter boy. As a fundie she should know how serious you are and will likely succumb to the cu....favor.

[Turf1600]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjnMwE0jJwc