Explain Marriage to me.

[808BMW]

I'm young and don't plan to get married for a while, but I will say that legally, unmarried couples get jacked over on a lot of things.
Your spouse usually won't be covered by your medical or dental, you could die and nothing would go to your girlfriend.

In Hawaii we have an informal way of adoption (hanai children, children raised by a close family member because their parent is unable). My cousin (who is pretty much now my brother) was hanai'd to us because his mom was going through some troubles in his life. He has grown up in my house, calls my parents mom/dad, and regards me as his brother (as I do to him).

When it comes time to go to the doctor or dentist, his biological mom has to take him. He is NOT covered under my dads benefits from work (which are very good) and we have to pay a lot more because he is on the state health care. My dad cannot list him as a dependant on his taxes. We always have a very hard time signing him out of school, checking in at airports, basically anywhere involving paperwork.

Now we are looking at legal adoption (damn pricey, 5k-10k) just so he's legally a part of our family (which we all feel he already is). It pisses me off we have to pay so much money just to have a bunch of idiots accept what we're already used to.

[h0lmes]

I am not married and don't plan to be for some time. The way I see it though, life doesn't have much purpose beyond getting married and raising children. I hate being alone as it is and I am only 20, I couldn't imagine living 50 or 60 more years without someone to experience life with.

[uofom3]

The advice I've been given, and things I have witnessed

-get a BULLET PROOF prenup

-you can't afford a divorce

few quotes that I think are accurate on the subject:

-"find someone who is your best friend, and you think is hot and want to fuck all the time - then you'll be a seriously happy guy" this from a man who has never been divorced, and is VERY happy and successful.

-"happy wife, happy life..." makes my skin crawl to hear it, but it seems to me that when peoples wives are happy - they tend to be in a better mood.

Ultimately, what pisses me off is the bitches out there who straight up admit to wanting men for money/attention/ect. I mean they are all programed by pop culture (mtv,vhi,E!,ect. - all of which are fucking shit at this point) to only wanting men with bank rolls and being superficial about life in general. This is obviously not attractive - but it's what they think about for marriage.

I love my GF to death, and we'll be in the relationship for 4 years in march... but we'll see about when the marriage thing comes up. At the same time - fella's who have been with their chick for 3+ years... it's kinda time to shit or get off the pot, no?

[Jand3rson]

-"happy wife, happy life..." makes my skin crawl to hear it, but it seems to me that when peoples wives are happy - they tend to be in a better mood.

So very true. Or as Jeff Foxworthy puts it, "if she ain't happy, YOU ain't happy."

[Fanzotti]

If people could explain Marriage life would be much easier.

Try to find what you think you need and then do the best to get part of it, and find out there some things you didn't know you'd get.

There is no rule that says marriage is what you need to do.

Other than that I don't know shit.

[der affe]

fella's who have been with their chick for 3+ years... it's kinda time to shit or get off the pot, no?
no fucking way!!! if things are good, and everybody is happy with the current situation, why get married. if kids are involved, that's whole dfferent story. relationships DO NOT have to lead to marrage to be successful, if all parties involved are happy then it is successful.

here is another tip for everyone esp the young ones here: if you want a good, healthy long lasting relationship, look for someone who COMPLIMENTS you, NOT COMPLETES you, if you can't have you shit together enough that you HAVE to have someone to make you complete or get on in life, no good will come out of it in the end. if you have your shit squared away and meet someone who is the same, who you are attracted to, share some common interests with, and like to bang like a screen door. you will reach long term happyness, until one of you gets bored and start fucking someone else. that is real life kiddies!!

[s0urce]

All I have to say at this point is I pretty much see marriage as nothing more than a tax benefit. My wife and I were together for 6 years before we got married, 5 of which we lived together. When we got married, NOTHING was different, except for that she had a different last name, we had a piece of paper filed with the state that said we were a couple, we were about $1 k richer, we had a shitload of new appliances and gadgets, and she gets half if we split up. I mean don't get me wrong, I love being married to my wife, she's a wonderful woman. But marriage in no way, shape or form resembles what it was 50 years ago. Marriage in the modern day has become an occasion for a woman to have the biggest party she can imagine that is all focused on her.

Now I am NOT saying that applies to every woman and NOT every marriage (and Derek, I am NOT talking about you and your girl.) But I watch these shows with my wife like "wedding story" and "bridezillas", and I just get more disgusted with every one of them. It's an excuse for the bride to get her parents and friends to spend as much money as they can and pay as much attention to them as possible. When it's all over, you've got a bunch of new stuff, new relatives, and a relationship that is now even more strained, made worse by the fact that now you've got this "contract" over you. Something like 75% or more of all new marriages end in divorce, and you don't even need a real reason anymore. To most of these new couples, it's just another break up, but you have to fill out a bunch of paperwork this time.

I just don't think that anyone takes it seriously anymore. And like it was with my situation, so many others are exactly the same. When they get married, nothing changes. You're just a legally-recognized couple now. Which is kind of why the whole gay marriage issue is so strange to me. I have no problem with it, marry whoever you want. But at the same time, my thinking is, "why do they want it so bad?"

Ding Ding Ding. We have a winner.

[wRek]

The number one cause of divorce in the United States is money.

The second highest cause of divorce is sex. Either "not enough", or "too much".

Marriage to me is the commitment of one's entire self and being to another. I am in no way religious, and never have been. But I believe entirely in marriage.

I am actually getting married on July 7th of this year, and have been with my fiance for 4 years.

Can people be completely committed to another without being married? Yes. My grandma has been with a man who I consider my grandpa for over 10 years now without being married. People don't have to ever get married, but for some people it is something that is important.

[Midnight Sun]

Wow, I cannot believe how successful this post has gone. I am proud.



I am only 22, and it seems to me that all of my peers (even women) have the same views on marriage as something that is complete bullshit. To boot, it seems everyone one of my friend's parents are divorced, I never realized how unique it was that my parents are still married after 30+ years.

I think for my generation it was sooo common for parents to be divorced that the concept of marriage was began to get very shady at a young age. So now we have a super high majority of people who either feel that all marriages end in divorce or that event he concept of divorce nullifies any sanctity behind marriage.

For me, I am against marriage because I don't think you need sign on a line and have a big formal party to prove you love someone until death. Having the ability to want to be with someone for the rest of your life without any legal contracts valids it more for me. Because you COULD walk away at any time, but you wont. And that makes it that much more important. The people stay together because they love eachother, not because they are trapped in a marriage they cant afford to end.

My only concerns regarding marriage are aspects such as insurance and whatnot. I am going to want my significant other have the final say in what happens to me in a vegetative state, and I would like her to have my stuff when I die. Things that are very hard to arrange without a marriage.

[Jand3rson]

I am only 22, and it seems to me that all of my peers (even women) have the same views on marriage as something that is complete bullshit.

Yeah, they say that now. Wait and see how long that lasts.

[Fanzotti]

Yeah, they say that now. Wait and see how long that lasts.

This is true. Women eventually will reign you in.

[Midnight Sun]

Yeah, they say that now. Wait and see how long that lasts.

Well, my point.

My sisters are 8 and 10 years older than me. And a lot of their friends were getting married in college and whatnot. Lots of enthusiastic couples and people looking forward to marriage.

All my friends... Not so much.

[Jscotty]

I think that people often confuse the difference between what is difficult and what simply will not work. Too often people quit being married because it becomes difficult rather than having the fortitude to work through the problems and roadblocks as they come about.

Whether a relationship will or will not work as a marriage can be determined early on in the preliminary stages. For instance, a couple should examine their own personal values and what they are willing to accept.

If the man is the type of person that washes the dishes immedately after dinner while the woman likes to let dishes sit in the sink for a couple of days before she decides to do anything about it, the marriage will not work unless he is willing to tolerate her being sloppy and she is willing to tolerate him being such a neat freak. I think that a mistake that many of us make is that generally we will tolerate someone's short comings and character flaws because we are blinded by infatuation with that other person without thinking this out ahead of time and determining if we could tolerate living with this person if we didn't like them or they happened to be just a roommate.

I once dated a girl that smoked cigarettes and had hoodlum friends but I figured that because I "loved" her, that's all that mattered. But as time went on I started to become less tolerant of her smoking and her getting involved in the antics of her friends. I later realized that I did not have a "tolerance" problem but it was more or less a situation where the infatuation was wearing off. Too often we think that we can change a person or that we can change as the relationship grows but that is never the case.

[wRek]

I think that people often confuse the difference between what is difficult and what simply will not work. Too often people quit being married because it becomes difficult rather than having the fortitude to work through the problems and roadblocks as they come about.

So true. When I was a bit younger, my mom said to me...

"Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you always have to like them. Take your time to be angry or upset with them, and then work it out. If you really do love someone, most anything can be worked out if you care enough to try."

People hit hard times, and too often they give up and take the easy road out. As most of us know, the easy road usually isn't the one that leads to the most happiness.

[1991 318is]

A large consideration is the support of minor children. A lot of men will not support their children even if it means they are violating the law. How many more wouldn't if it wasn't court ordered in divorce one can only guess.
There's also the inheritance of property and communal property rights. Even when women do not work they are still instrumental in the accumulation of wealth. Just imagine paying for a cook, housekeeper, child care, etc. and the $ value of their services becomes considerable. Marriage in some form has evolved in almost all societies. As important as the commitment to sexual fidelity is the commitment to be faithful emotionally. It is a fortunate person that has someone in their lives that will commit to being faithful even if it gets to be rough going. And of course there's that love thing.