Everyone I've told this story to has found it pretty funny so I figured I would share it with R3V.
Last summer, a couple of my friends and I went up to a small lake near Lake Shasta (Lake Siskiyou) to camp and have a good time before all of us go our seperate ways with college and whatnot.
We were all relaxing on the beach one afternoon, and I got extremely bored. The beach is about 1.5 miles away from our campsite, so we had driven one car to the beach. I was the only one who wanted to go back the the campsite and start cooking so I could eat, but no one else wanted to. They all wanted to stay another hour or so, so I said "Fuck it, I'm walking back". We agreed to meet at the campsite in an hour, and I started walking. About 100 yards down the road I get hit with fat stomach cramps and I know I have to take a huge shit. I could've walked back to the beach, which was again only 100 yards away, but I was stubborn and thought I could make it back to the campsite and the bathrooms there. So I clench my buttcheeks together and the cramps go away.
Every 30 seconds or so, I get another wave of cramps. You know when you have to squeeze your buttcheeks together and you have to stand in one place otherwise you'll crap? Ya, that was me. I didn't wanna prarie dog it, since I had an inkling it was gonna be a wet one, so I held it in. I finally couldn't take it anymore and ran into the woods by the side of the road. I got behind a fat tree and pulled down by white boardshorts. I squatted and let loose the grossest crap ever. It was like a disgusting, wet cowpie and just like plopped onto the ground. In my moment of glory and relief, I forgot that when you do #2, you also have to do #1.
Imagine this, I am squatting with my boardshorts around my knees, so basically my butt is just hanging out. When I pee'd, I pee'd all over my knees and legs and shorts, and in my suprise I kinda hopped back to get away from it and lost my balance. I basically landed on my own crap. So here I am with urine all over my legs, and watery poo all over my white boardshorts. I'm so amazed at my predicament that I kinda chuckle at how fucked this is.
I tough it out and start walking back to my campsite, which is still over a mile away. RIGHT as I get onto the road, my damn sandal thong breaks, so now I have to basically drag my foot along the ground to keep the sandal on it. So here I am, walking over a mile on a main road with cars passing me, with brown diarrhea all over my white shorts, dragging my foot like a gimp so I don't lose my sandal. I have no idea what the drivers who saw me were thinking, but I kinda would like to know.
Needless to say, my friends couldn't stop laughing for the longest time after I told them.
cliffs: fall in my own poo with white shorts, have to walk a mile back home on a main road with a broken sandal and shit all over me.
Last summer, a couple of my friends and I went up to a small lake near Lake Shasta (Lake Siskiyou) to camp and have a good time before all of us go our seperate ways with college and whatnot.
We were all relaxing on the beach one afternoon, and I got extremely bored. The beach is about 1.5 miles away from our campsite, so we had driven one car to the beach. I was the only one who wanted to go back the the campsite and start cooking so I could eat, but no one else wanted to. They all wanted to stay another hour or so, so I said "Fuck it, I'm walking back". We agreed to meet at the campsite in an hour, and I started walking. About 100 yards down the road I get hit with fat stomach cramps and I know I have to take a huge shit. I could've walked back to the beach, which was again only 100 yards away, but I was stubborn and thought I could make it back to the campsite and the bathrooms there. So I clench my buttcheeks together and the cramps go away.
Every 30 seconds or so, I get another wave of cramps. You know when you have to squeeze your buttcheeks together and you have to stand in one place otherwise you'll crap? Ya, that was me. I didn't wanna prarie dog it, since I had an inkling it was gonna be a wet one, so I held it in. I finally couldn't take it anymore and ran into the woods by the side of the road. I got behind a fat tree and pulled down by white boardshorts. I squatted and let loose the grossest crap ever. It was like a disgusting, wet cowpie and just like plopped onto the ground. In my moment of glory and relief, I forgot that when you do #2, you also have to do #1.
Imagine this, I am squatting with my boardshorts around my knees, so basically my butt is just hanging out. When I pee'd, I pee'd all over my knees and legs and shorts, and in my suprise I kinda hopped back to get away from it and lost my balance. I basically landed on my own crap. So here I am with urine all over my legs, and watery poo all over my white boardshorts. I'm so amazed at my predicament that I kinda chuckle at how fucked this is.
I tough it out and start walking back to my campsite, which is still over a mile away. RIGHT as I get onto the road, my damn sandal thong breaks, so now I have to basically drag my foot along the ground to keep the sandal on it. So here I am, walking over a mile on a main road with cars passing me, with brown diarrhea all over my white shorts, dragging my foot like a gimp so I don't lose my sandal. I have no idea what the drivers who saw me were thinking, but I kinda would like to know.
Needless to say, my friends couldn't stop laughing for the longest time after I told them.
cliffs: fall in my own poo with white shorts, have to walk a mile back home on a main road with a broken sandal and shit all over me.
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