F my life

[SamE30e]

I've probably read that whole website while taking shits.

[deutschman]

lol! that sucks! sorry man!

[mrsleeve]

AHHHHHHHHHHH


F MY life


I got a federal court Juror questionnaire in the mail on saturday, I just know I will get a summons in about july when I am out on a job somewhere out east. And have to come home for 2 days and have to give up my slot on that job and wait for the next one to open up. While sitting at home with no income in the mean time. Just fucking great with the way the economy is going work is gonna be slow enough and to walk off a job for this is gonna kill me.

I have no issues with doing my civic duty dont get me wrong, I just hope the summons comes next winter when I am more likely to be off and at home. I requested this, in the comments box, but the county courts dont give a rats ass to try an accommodate a seasonal job, (been through that too.) I sure as hell dont see the feds trying either.

[retardotyler]

Today, was just like almost every day I've had for the past few months. I slept till 1pm, smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4am, jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML


sounds like a couple people in here .... jk

:)

[Dozyproductions]

wow thats my life too. just insert walking out to the garage to stare and weep over my unfinished car and lack of budget. FML.

get a job retard?

[retardotyler]

get a job retard?

i have a job

[Ray Smoodiver]

Haha magical site!

[Dozyproductions]

i have a job you fuck wit

says your waking up at 1 pm, smoking a cigarette, jerking off and doing nothing life style. ;)


Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year because he was no longer sexually attracted to me because I'm "overweight," even though I only weigh 130 pounds. Afterward I went to my friend's house and sat in an old wooden chair. It broke into pieces as soon as I sat down. FML


I had to laugh at that one.

[Peterkaczynski]

I actually have my own. It's kind of long, better told in person, but still funny.

(6 years ago or so)

So, I'm 20 yo, in the Army stationed at Ft. Lewis, WA. Me and a buddy decide we're going to go out and pick up some girls.

We choose to drive down to Olympia. Can't remember the street name now, but back then there was a long one-way strip with a turnaround, and another on-way strip coming back the other way. Lots of young people would cruise there and then park somewhere to chat.

After a few laps, we decide to call it quits. We got a late start, and now at midnight the street was almost dead.

Just then, at the end of the strip, we see these two bleach blonde girls walking down the sidewalk. We looked at each other and were like WTF!?
After some deliberation, we decided they weren't hookers, so we pulled a u-turn and went in for the kill.

Turns out, the easywork was already done. Their dates had stood them up at the movie theater, and they were just walking back from the Jack-in-box, about a block down.

Fast forward...we take them back to base, head up to my buddy's room to watch a movie. Crack open some beers for me and Justin, and girls asked for wine (weird, but we were always prepared)

The way his barracks room was situated, his bed was up against the wall the long way, and the TV across from it. So we all lay on the bed , backs against the wall, and watch the movie. Me on one end, the two girls in the middle, and Justin on the other.

As the movie progresses, a blanket ends up on us, and some petting begins which just turns into me and the girl next to me holding hands. Here is where i will begin bulleting the chain of events:

-movie ends
-the girl next to me stands up, saying she needs to go to the bathroom
-i realize, i'm not holding her hand, so I come to the conclusion, i'm holding the OTHER girls hand, lol, right?

-girl #1 asks girl #2 to go to the bathroom with her

-girl #2 gets up, and I am STILL holding someones hand

-I look over at Justin, he looks over at me, we snap our hands back and start cracking up. We had been holding hands for at least 20 minutes.

-girls start asking what's so funny, and we say "nothing, don't worry about it"

-our friendship is never the same. we can never hug or shake hands anymore. too scarring of an event.

FML
-Turk

thats great

[BobombETA]

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML


mannn that would have made me so pissed when i was a kid. snow days were THE best thing about winter. Now it just fucks up my car.

[SamE30e]

"Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML"

[SamE30e]

BAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "Be my baby's daddy!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

[Erick]

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "Be my baby's daddy!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

Edit: Damn... beat by ONE post. FML :p

[DEV0 E30]

BAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "Be my baby's daddy!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I'm in tears laughing from this one. Jesus.

[Erick]

I actually have two from this weekend:

1-) I spent most of Friday and all of Saturday finishing up the car, and my last job (Saturday) was changing my messed up transmission for a new one. After putting it ALL back together, I proceeded to fill the transmission. Before we even put the transmission down, it was already leaking from two spots. FML

2-) Sunday night (2am on Monday morning, actually) we came back from the drift event which I obviously spectated, since my car would fry that transmission if I drove 160 miles each way and abuse the leaking tranny on the track. When we get back to the shop, I had to move my car out of the way to get another one in. Out of sheer frustration for missing this event, I decide to take the e30 for a quick spin just to slide this one turn by the shop (completely deserted area).

I get to the intersection before the turn (which the light takes forever). There is a Ford Taurus on the Go Straight or Turn left lane. I cut to his right and ask if it's OK if he's going left (towards the turn where I plan on sliding). He says no. I ask to cut in front of him and he says that's fine. I make the left (on the red) and didn't realize he followed me. I drop the hammer and slide the corner with that Taurus right behind me.

He was an undercover unit.

I had a camera mount sticking out of the car on my rear window with the camera rolling. It's all on camera.

FML.

- Erick