F my life

[cabin]

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "Be my baby's daddy!" I couldn't get out in time. FML


FML moment for sure, sucks to be that guy

[SamE30e]

I actually have two from this weekend:

I get to the intersection before the turn (which the light takes forever). There is a Ford Taurus on the Go Straight or Turn left lane. I cut to his right and ask if it's OK if he's going left (towards the turn where I plan on sliding). He says no. I ask to cut in front of him and he says that's fine. I make the left (on the red) and didn't realize he followed me. I drop the hammer and slide the corner with that Taurus right behind me.

He was an undercover unit.

I had a camera mount sticking out of the car on my rear window with the camera rolling. It's all on camera.

FML.

- Erick

Post.

[speedhop]

The best one thus far...this is something I would do.

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

[napabavarian]

Somehow me thinks these are tall tails

[Erick]

I can see how most are true.... everyone has to have at least one or two FML moments in their life.

[OOMPH!]

I can see how most are true.... everyone has to have at least one or two FML moments in their life.

I agree. Here's one I witnessed at my one good friends graduation partys.

The party was winding down and it was time to bring the cake out. There's a crowd of people waiting at the table for the cake, my friend's mom comes out holding it and places it on the table. My friend is about to cut the cake and says "Hey, the baker spelled congratulations wrong." He regained focus after laughing and was about to cut it again when he says, "Hey wtf! He spelled my first name wrong too!" I was in tears. Dumb ass baker

[napabavarian]

I can see how most are true.... everyone has to have at least one or two FML moments in their life.

They all look like they were written by the same person.

[Turf1600]

They all look like they were written by the same person.

I'm pretty sure they make you format them that way.

[retardotyler]

I actually have two from this weekend:

1-) I spent most of Friday and all of Saturday finishing up the car, and my last job (Saturday) was changing my messed up transmission for a new one. After putting it ALL back together, I proceeded to fill the transmission. Before we even put the transmission down, it was already leaking from two spots. FML

2-) Sunday night (2am on Monday morning, actually) we came back from the drift event which I obviously spectated, since my car would fry that transmission if I drove 160 miles each way and abuse the leaking tranny on the track. When we get back to the shop, I had to move my car out of the way to get another one in. Out of sheer frustration for missing this event, I decide to take the e30 for a quick spin just to slide this one turn by the shop (completely deserted area).

I get to the intersection before the turn (which the light takes forever). There is a Ford Taurus on the Go Straight or Turn left lane. I cut to his right and ask if it's OK if he's going left (towards the turn where I plan on sliding). He says no. I ask to cut in front of him and he says that's fine. I make the left (on the red) and didn't realize he followed me. I drop the hammer and slide the corner with that Taurus right behind me.

He was an undercover unit.

I had a camera mount sticking out of the car on my rear window with the camera rolling. It's all on camera.

FML.

- Erick

post the footy

[CincinnatiKid]

Bringin this back cause some of these are funny as shit

Today, I was taking a shower with my new boyfriend for the first time. Last night was the first night we spent together. As I was washing my hair, I looked down at my feet and noticed yellow water. Some of the warm water I felt on my feet was not from the shower head. FML

[Rodoni]

lulzworthy. post the footy!

x2334645635345455 8)

[Alkasquawlik]

Today, my mom came to wake me up because my alarm didn't go off. She brought my dog in to wake me up and he came and laid on bed. I started to rub what i thought was his neck and playing with a random tuft of fur. I soon realized that it was his penis. I gave my dog a handjob. FML

[Reap3r]

I've spent like the last 3 hours amongst other things reading these things hahah, they're even funnier drunk.