Giving up on school? Not sure.

[Siebenthal]

Hey guys,

As I am typing this, I have homework due in 30 minutes and I just flat out gave up. I'm currently in college - majoring in business and I don't know whats wrong with me. This semester i've literally just given up on my self.

We are halfway in and I stopped going to class simply because I just don't want to. I know the consequences and now I am enduring that - I have fallen behind and I don't know how to pick myself back up.

Being honest, I know I have what it takes to get myself back together. Obviously, it will take work and a lot of dedication to catch up on essentially 1/2 the semester and score well. I feel so done with school and everything. But it is the only path to success for me at least - being an international student in America. Kids would kill to be in my place.

To be blunt, I chose to fail - knowingly. I chose to be lazy. I chose to just say - fuck it. I know its wrong. But knowing I can still succeed - I still would rather choose to fail. Moving here (or maybe I have always been but I feel that) it has made me lazy.

Any suggestions on how I should put myself back together and keep going? I don't know if anyone else has felt the same way, so here's a shot in the dark I guess. Thanks for the read.

[e30davie]

Sometimes in life you have to make yourself do things you just don't want to do.

Weather its school. Things at college. Tasks at work. Tasks in family life. Tasks around the house.

You just have to make yourself do it. And generally once you've done it you look back and think hey that wasn't so bad.

Time to start:)

[lukeADE335i]

How were your grades before you started giving up?

If they were really high, then maybe you need to just relax a bit, and not push yourself so hard - often perfectionism leads to burn out... if you were barely scraping through anyway, then maybe you're just actually doing the old pre-emptive strike (ie. giving up before you fail anyway as you're not coping with your study).

Full disclosure... I have a PhD & am the equivalent of a tenured full professor in the US.

If it's the former, when I did a time management course a few years ago the instructor pointed out that to get something 80% there takes 20% of the time and effort... not everything needs 100% of what you're capable of all the time, 80% is actually good enough.

If you've been scoring highly previously, then maybe dropping your grades by 20% but completing the tasks in 20% of the time for a while might solve the problem. It'll have a much smaller impact on your GPA than just flunking out - it's hard to come back from there if you're thinking about grad school in the future.

Also - if you really can't get into an assignment, just try doing it for 20 mins - if you get into it, stick at it for 2 hours then stop. Work on it again the next day. If you don't get into it - give up after 20 mins and try again later. You'll find you can get started again and catch up with a bit of dedication.

As for cramming to get the job done... that's a different conversation :)

[vtechnik]

Are you interested in business or are you taking it for the potential salary? How far along are you?
I’m halfway done with my Networking and Security degree, here’s my advice:

1.) hobbies and careers are always stepping on each others toes.
No other way around it. Hobbies you love spoil if you make them careers. Unhappiness and disinterest comes from working on something you feel like you’re wasting time on. Thus the two conflict each other. I’ve dealt with this several times through college and jobs. After changing directions several times now I’m finally on a certain path. How I got on this path is a long story but the important lesson I learned from it is this: Every career has its parts you’re not going to enjoy, find the one that you enjoy the most while still withstanding the not so fun parts.

Some examples I went through:

Mechanic: love to work on cars; couldn’t stand having someone breathing over my shoulder while wrenching.
Welding: Enjoyed building things and the art behind the projects; couldn’t stand the repetition of pipe welding and the fumes
Business: Love the strategies of making money; couldn’t stand the blandness of it

I eventually landed on networking because I love problem solving and figuring out how things work (which is why I like cars). There are several more reasons why I’m interested in networking as a career but the important thing is that the parts I enjoy out weigh the parts I don’t like.

2.) You’re not in college to get a “good” grade, you’re in college to master the subjects at hand. I could probably graduate with a C GPA bullshitting easily but I would just as easily look like a dumbass in front of my future employer. Computer’s intrigue me to the point where I’m doing more studying than needed in my free time and going back over any assignments if I missed something just to understand the curriculum to the fullest. I’m not saying this to sound pretentious but to help you understand if this isn’t interesting you now, what makes you think you’ll want to do it for a living?

3.) If none of the above applies to you and you are set on business, my last piece of advice is this. Sometimes I’ll be in a chapter that’s really boring and dry, orrrr sometimes I’ll be in a class with a terrible teacher; The way I found to get around this is to think about why you started going after your degree in the first place or think about the future salary you’ll be making. Both are good motivation to push on. If the motivation isn’t there though, reconsider #1 and #2.

Sorry I typed out a page but It’s something I’ve been through quite a bit. Maybe you found some use out of it. Maybe not, just my opinion. Good luck :)

[george graves]

Some random thoughts that might shed some light.

One thing no one talks about (outside of the engineering realm) is that a degree shows that you can take on a huge project to completion. That's important in some fields and post graduate work. But... Not everyone is built that way, and heck, not ever job requires that. A lot of jobs you're a tiny spoke in the wheel. And you won't get a job that you take from A-Z till you're older and have a reputation well into your 20's if not 30's or 40's.

Sounds like you have a safety net. Even as an international student. Dam dude, you're lucky. My family isn't rich, but isn't poor. I couldn't get shit for grants. Let alone a rich uncle. Well, I have a rich uncle, but that's another story.

Not sure what school you are at, but if you've blown off 1/2 the semester you'll never catch up. Too late to drop I assume? You're f-ed. Make an appointment with a counselor and throw yourself on their mercy. If there is some outside/personal influence that has caused your poor atendence/work, now is the time to look into that and address it with them.

[decay]

consider the military.

i used to have work ethic issues too, and the army is an environment where you'll either fix that shit or get thrown out.

i've used the benefits that service earns you, and applied the "fuck it, this sucks but it's the job" mentality and... well, i'm above 90th percentile of income earners in america now.

you'll probably hate it. i did. but it'll be good for you.

the alternative is you fight to earn a living with just a high-school diploma, in a world where even a bachelor's isn't a guarantee.

also, heya to someone from my hometown. i went to lynbrook.

[stonea]

I went through a really rough patch in college and fell behind. Its actually not that hard to pick yourself back up and catch up, but you have to be willing to do it. There are a lot of cool perks that your school supplies. I went to counseling, group therapy, got tutored, joined study groups, and even got medication to help me with Anxiety, Depression, and ADD. I spent about a year barely getting by and failing, but then one day I decided I really needed to do something about where my life was going. Also the best part is all of it was free except for the medication, but insurance took care of that. Has finishing school helped me? Eh, I don't really know, but I definitely don't regret it.

[cheffy30]

wow man... that's fantastic news! way to go. way to see reality and slay it! keep going!

[Siebenthal]

Thanks for all the feedback everyone.

I agree with all of you. I guess it comes down to my self-discipline or lack of, as well as looking at the small picture instead of the bigger picture.

As for my major, honestly I like the idea of business but I feel like its too broad and in general it really means nothing. I have alot of anxiety when it comes to school because when I lived in Singapore for three years, I got a zero on a math test because I wasn't used to their curriculum at all. The teachers announced my results infront of my whole school and I was the talk of the town. Felt like shit.

So now, In college, a lot of students cheat. I could do it too it's really easy to cheat. But the way I see it, if I get a good grade and move up to the next class and actually know nothing, im setting myself up for a bigger failure.

Im trying to stay positive but gonna be honest, shit looks bleak. I will try my best though and I am really thankful for all the advice and help you guys have provided!

[rturbo 930]

Maybe you should consider if your major, or even college, is really the right path for you.

IMO, we are now at a point where a lot of college majors are just total bullshit anyway. Also consider if there might be something else interfering, ie, depression.

[Siebenthal]

Honestly, I love America - I grew up in Canada (11 yrs) moved to Hong Kong (3 yrs) and then Singapore (3 yrs) back to Canada (6mths) and now i'm in San Jose.

I love California because of all the rust-free e30s or just seeing e30s in general. When I was a kid, my mum had an e34m5 and she used to drive me to school in that every day.That car, like my dads 911 turned into a complete rust bucket and it died of Cancer. In Singapore, if you dont renew the title to allow you to own a car for 10 yrs (costs 80k) the government scraps your car. e30 or anything. they don't care.

I guess that should be my motivation to stay huh? I started off buying an 88 e30 (milkshake coolant, leaky top, auto for 2400) got ripped off by mechanics and some guy rebuilt it/blew it up.

After that, I started teaching myself how to work on cars. Today, (1 yr later) ive done the timing belt on an e30 x2, civic - full suspension on my e30, pulled engines etc and I part out cars as a side hobby to earn money. I lost focus on school because I was working on these cars so much. I kind of regret it? but I don't.

I'm pretty crazy about e30s/34s and if I don't go to college - I gotta go back. I'm somewhat motivated to do well in school I guess. I just don't know where to begin because Im at chapter 2 - and my classmates just started chapter8 today. I have about a month before the final so shits about to get real.

[stonea]

The best place to start is talking with the teacher. Don't ask for special treatment or hand outs, but let them know whats up. Ask them id they tutor, know of tutors, or politely ask if he/she could ask some of the other students struggling and put together a study group. Also your school should offer tutors through the program. Also it wouldn't hurt to talk to a counselor about the recent lack of interest in school. Again your school should offer some sort of free program. Finally I'd talk to an academic advisor. They should help you get back on track to finish school.

wow man... that's fantastic news! way to go. way to see reality and slay it! keep going!

Thanks man!

[acolella76]

I went through a similar rough patch and ended up failing out of school a few years ago. After working a lot in extremely diverse fields I came to the general conclusion that if I wanted to progress in the direction I wanted, going back to school was going to be the easiest route. So don't go to college because it's something you think you should do, but rather do it because it'll put you where you want to be down the road. Look at what your role models did to get where they are in life and sort of emulate what they did.

How far along in school are you? Give it a full year before you give up hope. Do your best to finish this semester with the best grades possible and if you still want to quit, then do so. That way you will at least have something to show for the time you spent.


At a certain point you kind of just need to get over your own bullshit. And that's best done sooner than later.

[mr.vang]

You may feel behind but in reality you may not. I advised you go talk to your professors. Explain to them your situations. That well help lay everything out on the table and you can go from there. Some professor are more open to options and willing to help.


I have been in your shoes before. My wife would tell me to go talk to my professors. Some professors give me couple days to catch up. Some just told me to turn in my paper late for 1/2 the credit and extra credit assignments will be given at the end of the semester if the whole class doesn't perform well.

Also, don't forget your counselors. You can talk to them about anything. Some really do care and some just act like they do.

Lastly, don't forget about your classmates. Get to know your classmates. If you can't make it, loan their notes. Don't ask to copy any assignments though because they will shy away from you. Having friends at school makes college fun. Late night and early morning studying can be fun. You might even get laid, lol.

Wish you the best buddy.

[Siebenthal]

You may feel behind but in reality you may not. I advised you go talk to your professors. Explain to them your situations. That well help lay everything out on the table and you can go from there. Some professor are more open to options and willing to help.


I have been in your shoes before. My wife would tell me to go talk to my professors. Some professors give me couple days to catch up. Some just told me to turn in my paper late for 1/2 the credit and extra credit assignments will be given at the end of the semester if the whole class doesn't perform well.

Also, don't forget your counselors. You can talk to them about anything. Some really do care and some just act like they do.

Lastly, don't forget about your classmates. Get to know your classmates. If you can't make it, loan their notes. Don't ask to copy any assignments though because they will shy away from you. Having friends at school makes college fun. Late night and early morning studying can be fun. You might even get laid, lol.

Wish you the best buddy.

Haha thanks! Yeah girls are a lot easier to get in America! I guess its because they are more open to things compared to other countries in Asia.

I will definitely look for a counselor and ill send my professor an email I guess.