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Tune up from hell continues, oil filter carnage

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    Tune up from hell continues, oil filter carnage

    I'm at a loss of words, I've been on my back for four hours f*cking with the oil filter. I hate the first oil change with a new car, P.O.'s always over tighten oil filters.

    It gets worse. I tried all different types, strap type wrench, thing that goes on ratchet, even some pos claw thing I found at walmart at 9pm. Nothing budged. Before some genius asks (lefty loosy?), yes I was trying to spin in the correct direction.

    So it occurs to me that my father once told me you can stab a filter with a screwdriver and twist. I try it, and oil in my hair, all over the garage floor, and a severely mangled filter. At that point the best idea I could come up with was to remove the entire housing. Futzed with it like that for an hour, and finally I just took the whole oil cooler and lines out.

    Here's some pictures so you can laugh at my misfortune. The bugger is still on there and I tried to cold chisel the mating surface and found what appears to be GASKET SEALANT!!!! I'm going to shoot the man who did that.

    So I'm screwed, I don't know how to get the stub off the housing. I've tried drifting the holes in the base of the filter body to no avail. I got a car with a big hole in the side of the engine and no oil. Just on the floor.

    I hope tomorrow to get creative and separate the two, get to the dealership for some gaskets, and put everything back together again.

    I don't suppose there is an oil cooler delete kit that would allow me to spin the filter directly on to the block is there??

    Click image for larger version

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    #2
    I was coming in this thread ready to mention the screwdriver deal, but wow.
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    Originally posted by Mr. Anderson
    ...one of the most hardcore E30's around. :D

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      #3
      Jesus.

      Fucking.

      Christ.

      Josh, you fucking animal. OK, man, here is the deal. I have a complete spare oil cooler adapter, sitting in a cardboard box, all freshly re-sealed. 100% clean and ready to go on.

      AND, before you ask (accuse is more like it) I know EXACTLY where it is!

      I am gonna do you the favor of a lifetime here, bubba.

      I am going to the coast tomorrow, I know not where. Somewhere that starts with an "M", IIRC.

      I am driving my car, but I am going to the shop first. I am gonna put the damn adapter in the car and call you when I get near Albany. We expect to leave here about noonish, Luke time. So like 12:35 is my guess. We will hook up somewhere along I-5 is my guess.

      If we leave here noonish Kim time, we will roll through Salem at 10:00 AM (I fucking HATE being early, Kim loves it) So, that means HAVE YOUR DAMN CELL ON!

      If you still need it, it is yours. All you will owe me is the same damn thing in return, as this is the one off of Kims car...which has a oil filter stub that came off of...go ahead, guess...your old ETA motor. Isn't that awesome? You need an adapter, STAT, no parts even available, and I just resealed one last week and it is still sitting on the bench. The car is up and running only because I have spare parts from YOUR old motor...wewt!

      She won't be driving for a while, so her need of an oil cooler is minimal.

      TTYT.
      Luke

      Closing SOON!
      "LAST CHANCE FOR G.A.S." DEAL IS ON NOW

      Luke AT germanaudiospecialties DOT com or text 425-761-6450, or for quickest answers, call me at the shop 360-669-0398

      Thanks for 10 years of fun!

      Comment


        #4
        OMG! lol... maybe you can dremmel one corner of the oil filter housing and then split it open ?
        Mtech1 v8 build thread - https://www.r3vlimited.com/board/sho...d.php?t=413205



        OEM v8 manual chip or dme - https://www.r3vlimited.com/board/sho....php?p=4938827

        Comment


          #5
          going to bed now, have cell charged and next to my head for when you call. you da man luke.

          Comment


            #6
            wow:eeek: i feel soo bad for you. i couldent imagine that kind of hell doing such a simple task
            Your signature picture has been removed since it contained the Photobucket "upgrade your account" image.

            Comment


              #7
              Im used to showering oil out of my hair.. but thats cuz im on my garage floor 90% of the time and dont clean it till a project is done lol.

              I did the screwdriver thing once. I thought it budged, went down to pull it out and sliced up my hand. My finger took 5 stitches but the anesthesia is the killer.

              Bummer you had to do all that... Dremel that bitch out tho. Either someone put it on way too tight or never did an oil change.

              Status: HG repair. 488wtq though!

              Comment


                #8
                Oh man. That is terrible! It sure is nice that there are people around like Luke to help you out in a pinch!

                Originally posted by whysimon
                WTF is hello Kitty (I'm 28 with no kids and I don't have cable)

                Comment


                  #9
                  put it in a vice, and tighten around the crown of the filter, it will probable fold, but once you get it tight. just turn, maybe spray some pb-blaster on the threads..buut jesus christ, i thought i fucked up once when i had to use a screwdriver..


                  Comment


                    #10
                    Do I spy a big wad of JB weld on the pan too?

                    -Charlie
                    Swing wild, brake later, don't apologize.
                    '89 324d, '76 02, '98 318ti, '03 Z4, '07 MCS, '07 F800s - Bonafide BMW elitist prick.
                    FYYFF

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Charlie View Post
                      Do I spy a big wad of JB weld on the pan too?

                      -Charlie
                      You sure do. We're sure you'll get it taken care of. Sorry simple project turned into a nightmare but it happens sometimes.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Luck of the Josh, huh.

                        Oh yeah, we are not going to come north. We are going to Florence, so I will meet you somewhere in between.

                        I will call you inna bit.

                        HFNY

                        Luke

                        Closing SOON!
                        "LAST CHANCE FOR G.A.S." DEAL IS ON NOW

                        Luke AT germanaudiospecialties DOT com or text 425-761-6450, or for quickest answers, call me at the shop 360-669-0398

                        Thanks for 10 years of fun!

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Thank BMW for changing to drop-in cartridge's.

                          "It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain."
                          R.I.P. Harry Goz aka. Captain Murphy
                          "My ride, My ride, she don't beg, steal, cheat, or lie,
                          My ride, My ride, and our relationship is classified."

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                            #14
                            If you decide to ditch that adapter, I'll pay you to throw it in the mail and let me have a crack at it. I have an e with out the oil filter adapter.

                            Tom

                            Comment


                              #15
                              lols

                              I was up above it, Now I'm down in it ~ Entropy - A Build thread.
                              @Zakspeed_US

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