need gf advice

[Jean]

If you have very strong feelings for her maybe don't give up on her right away. do you know how long she's been into it? she is only 19, i can't imagine her doing weed and coke for long?! have you met her friends or people she hangs out with, are they all drug users?

I really think you two need to sit down and talk, both of you, hear her side and let her hear your side. try to figure out how addicted she is, or if she is "experimenting" and will be over it in short time.

anyway, this probably isn't helping, but it turns my stomach when I see people start wasting their lives to drugs...

[iwillhunt]

Smoking weed and doing a little coke is no big deal, so long as she isn't hooked on the white stuff. I'd imagine it's a phase of some sort, and if you really like her, it's probably worth giving some time. If she's the kind of girl you'll be in touch with, you can always break up with her until she stops, but honestly, the whole "break" thing rarely works.

The fact that she was lying to you means she cares what you think of her, and the fact that she came clean means she cares about you. I'm 20, and I recently came out of about a year long phase of lots of weed, and plenty of pills (fortunately no coke), etc. and I'd imagine she'll come around, too. This certainly isn't a guarantee, but generally people get over smoking, and provided she doesn't do coke often, she'll probably get over that, too. Like others have said, though, there's little you can do to change her. And like Jean just said, the people she hangs around should be a big hint as to whether or not she'll change.

[Peterkaczynski]

it iis helping thanks alot guys.
i have met her friends they are all druggies and it kills me to see her with them.
she said she want to stop but she wont because the drugs are stronger the our relationship, she lives inanother town and with work and school its very hard for me to be with her all the time. i try to do everything i can but i think we have to work on our relationship more.

tonight ive come to realize that you need to charish what you have, & although i dont know many of you guys you really helped me out thanks alot guys <3

[bataangpinoy]

good man.

[Emre]

so my gf of 2 months likes to smoke bud and did alot before we started dating,and i told her to stop so she did supposidly, last night she told me she haddent stopped so i told her to make me a legit promise that she wont EVER touch it, she promised me she wouldnt & today she tells me "if i promised and broke it would you want me to tell you" i wrote "yes" so she smoked and did coke :(
im so angry i want to hit someone (her so called "friends")

Here are a few things to think about...

• What do you care if she smokes weed or does coke? Are you the moral police? Are you a Puritan? Why does it bother you so much?
• You knew she was into dope before you met her. Why do you think you have the right to ask her to change for you?

When you're with someone, you have to accept them as they are. If you're not happy with her behavior, you either have to live with it or dump her. I guess my question is: if you're really into this girl, then why is the fact that she smokes weed such a big deal to you? It didn't bother you at first. Why is it such a big deal now?

I'm not saying this to be judgmental. But you really have to think about what exactly is motivating you.

[Peterkaczynski]

i care that she does drugs because i dont want her to be doning that, ive smoked many times and i was like ok ive had enough of this what does it give me, ok i feel high for 2 hours or so and then what?
i knew she did it sometimes and i have no problem wiht it maybe one a month or in a long span of time getting with your friends and lighting up which is what i would do but i dont want her to be smoking multiple times a day which she has been doing.
and it really pissed me off when she told me she lied to me and broke that promise because of she cant keep that promise how do i know she wont cheat on me? i dont so thats why we have to work on our relationship with a sober head instead of thinking when shes high.
whats motivating me is that i want this girl in my life but i need to know that she wants it also ( & she told me she has) so high thoughts arent the best and id like to keep her sober and thinking straight. she knows its not good for her and she does want to stop but i think the people in her life are the ones putting pressure on her for it. & i cant change her friends but i will do what i can to have her stay clean and away from drugs

[Ray Smoodiver]

Not like she is skin popping to chase the dragon.

People experiment, hell, most of us here have. Depends whether its a phase or long term.

As said, you can't change her, and if she wants to do it she will, regardless of what you think. Hell I dated a girl for a year that hated me smoking. So I smoked behind her back. She knew (as all people who don't smoke do) but turned a blind eye I guess.

[Peterkaczynski]

and i dont want it to be a long term thing, id like her to stop before it ruins here life
& yea most of us have but i dont like it when she smokes 7 blunts a day like really? lol thats just not what id like my gf doing

[Emre]

id like her to stop before it ruins her life

That strikes me as a bit melodramatic. She's 19, so I'm assuming she's a freshman in college, right? Hanging out with friends, smoking some weed. OK. There are healthier things she could be doing. But it's not like she's turning tricks for crack money.

If she keeps it together, still gets good grades, etc. then it's probably not going to ruin her life. She'll probably get bored after a few months and move on.

thats just not what id like my gf doing

Looks like you'll need to find yourself a new girl then.

[Ray Smoodiver]

At least she's hot :nice:

[Desaevious]

I agree that you have to make due with what you have. Don't become too emotionally invested in her if this change cannot happen. Like said, it won't take only a short period of time. If you can't deal with that and you let this drag out you will only feel worse than you do now. I'm not saying cut the cord, I'm asking to keep a bit more emotionally guarded.

[Peterkaczynski]

she did coke because of it whats next heroin? meth? maybe she is experimenting but not to sound like abitch but that shit can kill you. my friend died from ODing on coke last summer, and i wouldnt want her to move onto anything else.

[Peterkaczynski]

and yes it will take time but im gonna give her the time i want her to pull through an not smoke on a daily basis

[joshuaaa]

best suggestion i could make is that you cant force her to do anything. but you can be there for her to help her pull away from the drugs slowly. dont expect her to just up and stop and be alright. it takes time. but be happy shes not smoking oxy's like everyone in my town. and if she starts getting in the coke hardcore. i say you force her to stop. like even if she gets pissed and everything. its messed up to watch someone you care for get pulled into the wrong direction when you know where it leads to.

but if she wants to be with you, just tell her that you feel she needs to work on layin off the drugs. and slowly cut back. little at a time that way it becomes easier to quit completely. best of luck man. and its better that your only 2 months into it and not years in and trying to deal with it.

[geezerman402]

If you are going to try and help her, the break thing is terrible. It just creates distance and makes at least one of you hate the other.