funniest qoutes ever

[omar85]

That is the best one^

"why are you still here"
-many people here

[F34R]

more from the office:

Oscar, you're gay! Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck! And you're gayer than Oscar. Boom roasted! -MICHAEL SCOTT

That is the best one^

[pawi30]

more from the office:


Case of the beet bandit. Missing beets from all over the farm, no footprints. Inside job. Mose in socks. Boom. Case closed. -Dwight Schrute

Jim, you're six eleven and you weigh ninety pounds, Gumby has a better body than you. Boom roasted. Dwight, you're a kiss-ass. Boom roasted. Pam, you failed art school, boom roasted. Meredith, you've slept with so many guys you're starting to look like one. Boom roasted. Kevin, I can't decide between a fat joke or a dumb joke boom roasted. Creed your teeth called your breath stinks. Boom roasted. Angela, where's Angela. Whoa there you are I didn't see you behind that grain of rice! Boom. Roasted! Stanley! You crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks. Boom roasted. [Stanley starts laughing] Oscar you are [distracted by Stanley] Oscar, you're gay! Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck! And you're gayer than Oscar. Boom roasted! -MICHAEL SCOTT

[KenC]

Anything from the office, especially from creed

-The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss? If that's flashing then lock me up.

-A lot of jazz cats are blind. But they can play the piano like nobody's business. I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam, without her glasses, and see what happens. I'd also like to see her topless.


-The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive...like I did when I was a homeless man.

-Sometimes a guy's gotta ride the bull, am I right? Later, skater.

- Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Schneider.


Dwight

-I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War Two veteran killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.

-One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out.. she was. With a couple of guys, actually... so. Mystery solved.

-When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

-Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.

-

You know Creed plays himself on the show, right? He was a guitarist for a rock band in the 60s, The Grass Roots.

[emoshun]

“Yes I got him a gift. He had a kidney stone. You piss a rock through your pecker, you deserve more than just a pat on the fucking back."

[StereoInstaller1]

"Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." -Gandhi

your sister will beat your ass if she finds out you posted that

[AndrewBird]

"Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." -Gandhi

[F34R]

Michael Scott: How'd she die?
Dwight Schrute: I guess you could say she died of... blunt force trauma and blood loss. She got into a car accident, plowed into the side of an airplane hangar.
Michael Scott: So innocent.
Dwight Schrute: She was stoned apparently.
Michael Scott: You know I used to think that I had this perfect person out there waiting for me, but now I know that's just silly. Because she's dead. What do you do.
Dwight Schrute: Wait 'till next year's chair catalog comes out and find someone who's still alive. Yeah.

[Dude]

Anything from the office, especially from creed

-The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss? If that's flashing then lock me up.

-A lot of jazz cats are blind. But they can play the piano like nobody's business. I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam, without her glasses, and see what happens. I'd also like to see her topless.


-The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive...like I did when I was a homeless man.

-Sometimes a guy's gotta ride the bull, am I right? Later, skater.

- Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Schneider.


Dwight

-I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War Two veteran killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.

-One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out.. she was. With a couple of guys, actually... so. Mystery solved.

-When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

-Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.

-

[F34R]

Spaceballs the movie that you can quote all day and Monty Python

I bet she gives great helmet.

It's Mega Maid. She's gone from suck to blow

We ain't found SHIT!

Monty:

Well, we'll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite.

(favorite section)
The Witch: I'm not a witch I'm not a witch!
Sir Bedevere: But you are dressed as one
The Witch: *They* dressed me up like this!
Crowd: We didn't! We didn't...
The Witch: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
Sir Bedevere: [lifts up her false nose] Well?
Peasant 1: Well, we did do the nose.
Sir Bedevere: The nose?
Peasant 1: And the hat, but she is a witch!
Crowd: Yeah! Burn her! Burn her!
Sir Bedevere: Did you dress her up like this?
Peasant 1: No!
Peasant 3, Peasant 2: No!
Peasant 3: No!
Peasant 1: No!
Peasant 3, Peasant 2: No!
Peasant 1: Yes!
Peasant 2: Yes!
Peasant 1: Yeah a bit.
Peasant 3: A bit!
Peasant 1, Peasant 2: A bit!
Peasant 2: a bit
Peasant 1: But she has got a wart!
Random Person in the crowd: *cough* *cough*

[mrsleeve]

A+ thread would read again

[Jand3rson]

That role made me respect Tom Cruise. I don't give a fuck how crazy he is.

[Maluco]

"ok, flaming dragon...fuckface, take a big step back and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE!!!!!

[Jon325i]

"Take my advice.....no seriously, I don't need it"

Not sure where I heard it, but I got a chuckle from it.

Jon

[quikveedb2]

I've swallowed all your ideas, I'm going to digest them and see what comes out the other end.