Taking a shit at work. Yay or Nay?

[F34R]

I had to shit so bad once I had to use a gas station...had to get the key and everything. The room was not bad, it was just the fact another guy walked in the store behind me. The guy knocked and I said hang on...I was laughing so hard, I could not wait for him to smell it. It was really bad, I know this because normally I don't smell anything much. Don't mind my own brew :D

But this was wicked bad! The ones you flush while you are still shitting out the rest. I had yogurt and cheese 4 hours before, I'm really lactose intolerant. It is a love hate relationship.

The guy walked in and walked back out with in a matter of seconds. He handed the key over and said is was horrible, then just left.
I was laughing while I picked out my gatorade. The clerk said he could not stand the smell. He said it was funny that he handed the key back in.

[iamsam]

heck yes I shit at work. In fact, I rarely ever shit at home. It breaks up the day nicely, as I have a desk job (mostly).

However, my shoes are very recognizable (white Pumas) and of course they are visible under the stall wall to anyone who walks into the bathroom, and one day I unleashed an anal fury, a symphony of the sphincter, that I am sure more than a few people heard probably outside the bathroom.

It was liquid shit at such pressure that when it uncorked, the rectal rapture reverberated repulsively in the acoustic chamber that was the toilet bowl, with bugle blasts of gas mixed with high velocity solids and liquids, which together created the most violent anal explosion I have ever heard, (and I am sure the rest of the office ever heard), and to the poor souls caught in the bathroom at that time, were also greeted with my uncontrollable snickering issuing from within the white stall walls.

Of course they all could tell who was in there creating the ass anthem, thanks to my easily recognizable shoes.

[scabzzzz]

How much money would it take for you guys to let me doodoo in you guys's mouth?
My girl roommate said it would take 2 million dollars for her to do it, untaxed.
I say give me 200k and I'm down. Untaxed of course.

What say yee?

[5spoke]

I just hate when turd burglars try to open the stall while your in it. "Im pooping in here, let me be!"

[Ryan Stewart]

I ONLY shit at work. What's better than being paid to poop?

An someone else has to clean up the place.

[Jand3rson]

I can't poop at work anymore, my work is in anywhere from 2-10 different people's houses during the day. Public restrooms at things like parks, etc are my bestest friend.

[newman]

I have logged many hours on brickbreaker and angrybirds in the corporate shitter.

[Jand3rson]

I have logged many hours on brickbreaker and angrybirds in the corporate shitter.

When I worked at Fuqua (manufactured home plant), I used to put in a good 15-20 minutes on my shit-breaks, and do some serious Motorola Razr gaming.

[newman]

I think I've been in there for an hour on certain difficult levels... or if I fall asleep.

[Desaevious]

Best new topic in a long time. Taking a shit at work is awesome.

[Stu]

HOW TO POOP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.



CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.



FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.



ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.



JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.



COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.



WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the

COURTESY FLUSH.



OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.



THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)

A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.



SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.



TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.



CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.



ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.



WATERMELON

A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.



HAVANAOMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.



UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom


You can thank Dan Gillian for that!