The official "business jargon" you hate to hear thread

[Dozyproductions]

Classic BCG Analysis of Love:
http://www.seth-smith.org.uk/images/...r/LoveLife.pdf

thanks for sharing. Not only was it hilarious but I had some of the weirdest dreams about it!

[Mr. Burns]

Goddamit.

I just synergized all over myself.

[Morrison]

I think that those informal fonts and poor grammer could be equally as annoying as the corpo buzz speak. Perhaps you could hold an all-hands meeting to discuss initiating a more formal communication format, standardized to Ariel. Just make sure to have a supervisor "rubber-stamp" the idea. Once that is "green lighted" I think you will be much happier.

[matthugie]

Shit, at least you guys have business jargon. I just have fucktards whose spelling and grammar are on a 3rd grade level and only use Comic Sans in every document they create.

[rwh11385]

http://www.fightthebull.com/bullfighter.asp

"Bullfighter is the epoch-defining software that works with Microsoft Word and PowerPoint to help you find and eliminate jargon in your documents."

It finds 'stakeholder' and suggests you replace it with 'vampire slayer' or 'fork'.

http://www.deloitte.com/view/en_GX/global/insights/browse-by-content-type/books/article/ec98e55cd21fb110VgnVCM100000ba42f00aRCRD.htm

Why Business People Speak Like Idiots: A Bullfighter's Guide

[Sailor37]

"Please advise"...

When I read that, it makes me want to stabmydickwithaneedle.jpg

this x1e6

[rwh11385]

Classic BCG Analysis of Love:

http://www.seth-smith.org.uk/images/laughter/LoveLife.pdf

[gp.plus]

"Yeeaaahh, you didn't put one of the new cover sheets on your tps reports"

[rwh11385]

Showtime's House of Lies - a hilarious look into the world of management consulting, with vocabulary lessons.

http://www.sho.com/site/order/preview.do#/HOL_s01_e01

You're welcome. The book it is based on is also good.

[Jand3rson]

That actually made perfect sense.

[James Crivellone]

You want me to de-prioritize my current reports until you advise of a status upgrade?

Joshua,

I think we need to circle back on our original objectives before we toss the ball over to the client. If we miss this opportunity I'm afraid that we will not be promoting positive synergy and most importantly remain competitive.

After you have some time to absorb the latest meeting notes lets connect later this week to ensure we are gaining traction on this deal.

I'll shoot you an email with the notes and most importantly the cover sheet which you continue to leave out of client materials.

Thank you,

James

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[LJ851]

I feel we should take a conversation like this offline, overall this does not promote corporate synergy and we should probably circle back on our polices to ensure we can all touch base on making sure we are being proactive and increasing the amount of value-added work we provide at this company.

Afterall, it is what it is :-D

Haha! I am so glad i only have myself to answer to.

[Jand3rson]

You want me to de-prioritize my current reports until you advise of a status upgrade?

[James Crivellone]

I feel we should take a conversation like this offline, overall this does not promote corporate synergy and we should probably circle back on our polices to ensure we can all touch base on making sure we are being proactive and increasing the amount of value-added work we provide at this company.

Afterall, it is what it is :-D

[Jand3rson]

Can I get the icon in Cornflower Blue?