Your worst deuce experience? NWS?

[slammin.e28]

Awesome stories.

At least nobody went to prison.
http://www.salon.com/2013/07/26/foun...movement_ever/

We had hoodrats do that shit to the men's room at the Kroger I worked at on several occasions. No big. At Kroger it was intentional, so it was 5' up the walls and on the sinks, etc. Footprints on the walls, doors, mirrors.

I'd lock the restroom up and leave it for the night cleaning crew. I was just a minimum wage bag boy, not cleaning that shit.

[QUKBMER]

I was driving in my e28 535is through ortega hwy on my way back to lake elsinore with my wife and daughters. My car had factory tan sheepskin seat covers. I had a dumb & dumber moment.I was crossing my legs and clinching trying to hold on till i got to the bathroom telling everybody not to talk to me lol.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwcVJMvVWDA NEEDLESS TO SAY I DID MAKE IT TO A BATHROOM IN TIME !!! LOL

[BeefSupreme]

laughing to hard to share my epic poop tales

[TurboJake]

And she's your ex now?? Man! I wonder what caused you to split up if she didn't do so when you shat on her!

She cheated on me with 3 different guys, deciding another man was a better fit for her and ran off to another city to start a new life living with him.

Living up here isn't for the weak. *shrug*

[Cletonius]

She cheated on me with 3 different guys, deciding another man was a better fit for her and ran off to another city to start a new life living with him.

Living up here isn't for the weak. *shrug*

Had to look up your coordinates after reading this. The UP is nice but I don't think I could live there. The mosquitos....

[TheTacoMan]

Read two pages annnnd

[E30_Pare]

but the fun doesnt start till like page 5

[myinfernalbmw]

This thread only has 4 pages. 4 glorious pages.

[LowR3V'in]

That's the worse when there's a ton of piss around the toilet and
your pants/shorts touch it.

[dirk619]

I'm a salesman and I was talking to a customer and then it hits me. Guy was asking all sorts of questions while i'm trying to finish up a sale and i'm trying to hold it in and ends up wasting 20 minutes of my time and I ran into the restroom to blow it up, get out and there he is giving me a WTF look and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

[LowR3V'in]

what do you mean?

[Dozyproductions]

I just hate shitting out what feels like a cactus.

[gtdragon980]

She cheated on me with 3 different guys, deciding another man was a better fit for her and ran off to another city to start a new life living with him.

Living up here isn't for the weak. *shrug*

Damn..

[flyboyx]

i don't know how i missed this thread a year ago?

i'll share: before i worked for the company i work for now, i flew cargo for this really crappy charter carrier out of detroit. they had lots of old 20 series learjets and this frankenstein of an airplane that used to be a beech 18 in a previous life. (this is what i was flying when said offensive incident came into play) as far as differences from the original, the only one that has relevance to this story is that the boarding stair from the original was replaced with this really huge cargo door on the left side of the airplane behind the wing. for those of you that don't have an aviation background, here is a photo of one of these abortions: http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=...VUmfi_uYwTM%3A

i was flying this trip from detroit to greenville tennessee (in the beech 18 )where we were to drop off a load of auto parts in a crate. the captain i was flying with was, well....an asshole. he had no personality and he was always in a hurry 24/7 (among other personality flaws.)

we flew down there uneventfully and with very little conversation because i was pretty much offended at breathing the same air as that douche. we landed, parked on the ramp, and shut down the engines. i walked around and did a visual inspection of the airplane and spun the props around a couple turns. captain toolsack was coordinating the fuel load for the return.

for a cargo pilot, greenville tennessee was a great destination because the fixed base operator on that field would always buy you food and have it waiting as long as you purchased fuel. right here is a good time to add that initial flying jobs pay a really shitty wage. i think my salary was about $16,000 that year. i was always poor and hungry.

so, i walked inside the building with asshole ken trailing behind me about 20 feet. as i opened the door, sitting on a folding table are 2 massive foam clamshells each containing a 2 lb hamburger and perhaps 2 lbs of crinkley fries. there is so much food in each one of these little packets of amazing joy, the cover is bowed over the contents and looks to be ready to explode off the top at any second. i grab one and sit down to eat.

ken, who is right behind me gets all pissed off at me and asks me what the fuck i think i am doing? my obvious response is that i am eating my fucking hamburger. he says, "oh hell no. we are flying back to detroit right now. you can eat on the way"

so, i sit there for a second without saying anything. i give this guy one of those looks that shoots daggers through you. slowly i get up in a passive aggressive way and walk out to the plane with my fucking food. we take off heading north and once we reach about 5000 feet, ken says "i'll fly the plane for a few minutes. go ahead and eat." (why, thanks penis breath.)

about half way through my hamburger and perhaps 20% into the french fries, i start feeling a rumble in my stomach. it begins as a little whimper at first. i choose to ignore it and continue to eat. after another 5 minutes, i start getting the sweats. they are just sort of fading in and out. another 5 minutes and my gut begins to feel like there is a retarded fetus in there throwing a temper tantrum and firing off a rocket propelled grenade or two. i close up my clamshell and set my hamburger on the floor because at this point it requires all my concentration to hold it in. i am to the point now where every time i get a contraction, come close to blacking out. i turn to ken and say that i really need to take a shit. he looks at me like i am an alien and basically says "well, you need to figure it out because we aren't stopping anywhere" so, i sit there for a minute and in my mind i say the word "fuck" about 8 times. necessity breeds ingenuity so i start forming a game plan. (i was so pissed at this guy, i probably should have just pulled down my pants, pointed my asshole at his face, and let loose with a nice hosing of liquified turd)

instead, i get up from my seat, with my clam shell and about a 1" stack of napkins. the back of the airplane is completely open to the cockpit because its a cargo airplane. anything that isn't a necessity was stripped out long ago to save weight. luckily, there is a canvas tarp that you can velcro around the inside of the fuselage in the winter time to keep the heat in the front part of the cabin. i go to work putting this up so that asshole ken won't be staring at my cock while i am shitting myself in the back. once i get the privacy situation under control, i basically just open up the clam shell, take off my pants and boxers, squat over what is left of my dinner, and blast a nasty disgusting shit all over it. It was kind of like squirting an entire bottle of hershey's syrup on vanilla ice cream.... (but different) there was so much liquid shit combined with what was left of my food, the container was within about 1/8" of overflowing! i used the entire stack of napkins to clean all the shit off my ass and the back of my legs. after a brief pause of relief, i sat there for a few minutes praying/thanking god that i didn't shit myself. i wiped all the sweat off my brow with my sleeve because there were no napkins left to use. as i sat there, i started contemplating about what my end game was going to be to dispose of my mess?

i started eying the cargo door......thinking to myself: i wonder what happens if you open it in flight? so, i walk over there.....sit in front of the door, put my left foot on the fuselage to brace myself just in case. i grab the handle and give it a twist. slowly, i release some pressure and allow it to open into the slipstream. to my surprise, opening the door is flight is actually very benign. it just sort of flops around a little in the breeze because the hinge is on the forward edge of the door. now that i have it open, i look down to see what is below. unfortunately, we are flying over downtown Indianapolis. at this time, i start to hear fucking ken yelling back my way. of course he isn't asking if i am ok. he wants me to get my ass back up to the cockpit so he can eat his food(this airplane didn't have an autopilot)

basically, my choices at this point are to leave my shitty mess in the airplane and risk the possibility of it spilling everywhere when we land (this means i would be the one cleaning it up) or chuck it out over a major metropolitan area. needless to say, i chose the latter. feeling guilty for the surprise someone on the ground just received, i re latched the cargo door, pulled down the "privacy" canvass and sat back in my seat. i took control of the airplane. ken asked me what happened back there? i just gave him a shitty look without saying anything and flew back to detroit. once we got on the ground, i did my obligatory copilot's walk around inspection of the airplane.

everything was normal except:

from the point where the cargo door ends and the fuselage begins there was this streak of smeared shit that extended all the way back to the tail. the airplane flew around like that for about 2 months until someone finally washed it.

[Vtec?lol]

from the point where the cargo door ends and the fuselage begins there was this streak of smeared shit that extended all the way back to the tail. the airplane flew around like that for about 2 months until someone finally washed it.

You really left your mark didn't you?
lol

This is funny because I can picture you doing something like this lol