Your worst deuce experience? NWS?

[Ether-D]

The Havana Omelet made me lulz.

[MikeDE]

I can certainly agree with the Astaire & Camo-cough to ward of potential Turd-burglars. Uncle Ted's are the reason l go into stalls for all business, but i'm a courteous stall-user, unlike my co-workers. I tend to avoid workplace releases whenever l can.

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[E30_Pare]

i tend to have my morning dumps at work. With a crew full of bros in a warehouse. Quite relaxed until the intentional turd burglar arrives.

[flyboyx]

from this entry and some of the others i have posted here, you can probably draw the conclusion that i have a bit of a weak stomach. this is perhaps true, but i never allow it to limit my culinary adventures.


several years ago i had an overnight where we arrived in torreon, mexico about 11:30pm. by the time we made it to the hotel, it was well past midnight. i was hungry as hell and in the mood for street tacos. unfortunately, the rest of my crew was tired and wanted to go to sleep. its not a very safe city to say the least, especially for a white bread fucker like me. since i have been going down there for years, "i ain't skeert". there are some amazingly fantastic restaurants in this city. however, since it was pretty close to 1am, my choices were really limited. the folks working the hotel front desk suggested a place called "tacos tao" which was about 4 or 5 miles from where we were staying. the van drove me down there and dropped me off to fend for myself, which is normally no big deal. i speak a good bit of spanish and planned to catch a taxi on the way back.

unfortunately, they had just had a torrential rain storm a few hours before i arrived and the streets were flooded in that area. in some places the water was about 2 feet deep. we are talking about high desert mexico here. there aren't any drainage facilities. the water will just pool in the low areas(roads) until it evaporates or soaks into the ground. the hotel van driver was playing u-boat commander the entire way there.

i hadn't considered any of this and to what extent if any, it would cause a problem with my plan.

i went into the taco joint and ordered: a negro modelo, a big plate of el pastor meat, and a stack of corn tortillas. i sat down to eat and i was happier than a pig in shit. the food there wasn't awesome by any means. the meat tasted a little rancid in retrospect. after midnight, it is illegal to sell beer in restaurants in mexico, so they served it to me in a metal cup(who knows if it was even washed since the last time it was used). in addition to this, there was an open condiment bar with salsas, limes, pico, onions, etc that i ate from liberally. in spite of all these pit falls, i paid my bill and walked out of there feeling just groovy.

as i stepped out to the street to hail a cab, i realized there were no cars anywhere as far as the eye could see. the road in front of the taco place was completely flooded. no big deal....i just started walking toward the hotel(yes....at 2am, all by my white ass cracker self, in the middle of the night, in shit hole mexico) i would say that i walked perhaps 600 yards and i started feeling that rumble in my tummy. shit! i know myself, and from this, i can say that it will never go away, but only get worse until i blast ass. i was still in denial so i just kept walking. after a short while i had to clench my ass every so often to keep it in. still a little further down the road, my large intestine started to turn itself inside out. by now there are no restaurants to duck into or anywhere else to go for that matter. this is the point where i had to start looking for alternatives. i was trying to walk briskly but every 2 minutes or so a big contraction would come and i would actually have to stop, clench my ass, close my eyes and concentrate to not shit myself.

finally, in the next block there was an open air mechanic's shop under a car port. it didn't look very appealing but at this point there were no other options. i ducked in there looking for a trash can or something. the rubbish was overflowing with used car parts and i wasn't in any condition to dump it out. since i was to the point of approximately 30 seconds until volcanic eruption, i had to just make a quick decision and go with it.

this place had a pit (or a hole in the ground) where they would just drive a car over and work from underneath rather than a lift. the hole was completely filled with water from the rains. i am still conflicted about this today.....i ripped off my jeans and underwear, grabbed the door handle of a 58 ford pickup that was parked next to the pit, spread my legs out and squatted my ass as far over the hole as i possibly could. just at that very moment a geyser of chocholate syrup started spewing out of my butt nozzle as though someone had just set off a claymore. most of it wound up in the water. some hit the wall on the other side of the hole. i wiped off my ass with my boxers as well as i could and threw them on top of the overflowing garbage can. it was just awful. i couldn't get out of there fast enough.

to this day, i still feel really bad for the mechanics when the showed up for work the next morning. that had to have just royally sucked!

anyway, finishing up my dirty business, i walked another block and finally caught a damn cab back to the hotel. (i had already walked 2/3rds of the way on my own). the driver was probably thinking that i smelled like poopy butt and couldn't wait to get me the hell out of his taxi. first thing i did when i was in my room was strip off my clothes and jump in the shower. i chucked that pair of jeans in the trash.

[E30_Pare]

This thread just broke international borders +1.

When I was a kid had bubble guts on the Tijuana border from a spicy Torta and OxTail soup. All I remember was sitting in traffic, and fireworks were going on in my insides while watching kids juggle balls and sell me Chiclets. Must of past out from the pain or suppressed the memory to extinction because I dont remember what happened after.

[Joe G]

21st Birthday.

Woke up and immediately bought 3 bottles of Andre (shit champagne), OJ, a few cases of beer, and some whiskey. My roommates and I began mimosa pong on our back deck (at the time I was living in a nice, mostly middle class +, family neighborhood in Spokane, Wa). We were drinking and playing for an hour or so when the neighbor girl saw us and invited us over to play beer pong in her pool. So naturally we went over. She was cute but had some extra meat on her bones, anyway it was one more chick than we currently had with us, plus a pool.

Once we got over there we played pong, her parents were really cool insisting on us drinking their good beer instead of our cheap shit. After a while my roommates lost interest and headed home, I was getting pretty shitfaced (it was my fuckin birthday) so I continued to play swim, drink beer, flirt with the neighbor girl, etc...

At around 5pm her parents realized it was my B-day and insisted to on taking me to a bar for a drink. So i ran home, showered (with a beer of course), and put on a pair of very light khakis (commando), and a t-shirt. I went back over and we headed to the bar.

We got there and her dad insisted I order a drink and a shot...I ordered a double Rumple Minze shot and a Segrams 7 on the rocks. This lead to another shot or two of Rumple. We then left the bar and headed back to their house. Her dad insisted I join them for a BBQ. I was starving (hadn't really eaten anything all day, just a lot of booze).

Once I got back to their house as I was walking through the garage into the house (behind everyone else) I farted, and this was no ordinary fart. It was a full blow SHART, looked like a mixture of Grey Poupon and Honey Mustard....This is when I regretted going commando. Once I realized it was more than just a fart I immediately went into their bathroom without turning my back to anyone. Once in there I realized that the back of my pants looked like 3 or 4 mustard packets of shit exploded.

I could not remedy this situation in anyway. I walked out of the bathroom, facing the neighbor girl and her parents, and told them my roomates just texted and were taking me out to dinner. I then proceeded to walk out of their house backwards. When I got home I showed my roommates and hilarity ensued. We continued to get even more fucked up and hung the pants up on the wall.

Later that night, I went back to the neighbors, knocked on the door, neighbor girl answered, and then we boned. Pretty good birthday.


P.S. a few weeks later I mailed said pants to my Ex.

[Fusion]

Ever have the feeling your ass is going to explode with brown havoc, but all that happens is one small swimmer dives and the rest is an orchestral fart fest?
This just happened. Must've been the beans.

[henryki]

If you want some good dumping stories look up reviews for 5 lbs bag of sugar free haribro gummy bears on amazon and read the product reviews. Some call them hell bears and others Satan's diarrhea hate bears.

[ButtJuice]

I'm currently taking an explosive shit right now at 2:41 am after being woken up by a violet stomach ache. I'm pretty sure I'm lactose intolerant, but I fucking love Mexican food.

[mtechnik]

from this entry

[...]

i chucked that pair of jeans in the trash.

:mrgreen:

[golde30]

If you want some good dumping stories look up reviews for 5 lbs bag of sugar free haribro gummy bears on amazon and read the product reviews. Some call them hell bears and others Satan's diarrhea hate bears.

This.

[gtdragon980]

My worst experience is currently happening. It is 6:50 am and I have 10 mins to hop in the shower, but I can't because my stomach feels like an oven and my asshole is on fire. Don't know when I'll be off this toilet...

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[ButtJuice]

My worst experience is currently happening. It is 6:50 am and I have 10 mins to hop in the shower, but I can't because my stomach feels like an oven and my asshole is on fire. Don't know when I'll be off this toilet...

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Hang in there man!

[mtechnik]

Rootin' for ya!

[mrsleeve]

Well this morning I am on top of a ridge in centeral w.v. air temps hovering about 13 below zero. No portable shit house up here. Had to make like a bear and walk over the hill and go shit shit in the woods.