Your worst deuce experience? NWS?

[ohthejosh]

In high school I broke my leg and was put in the the worlds most itchy and uncomfortable crotch high cast. I went through four bags of morphine the day I broke my leg and 3 more the first day I was hospitalized. They cut me off because I was addicted. I was forced to take two vicodine for the remainder of my 4 day hospitalization.

I was sent home with this horrid plaster monster on my leg looking like its trying to eat me and working it way up to my jewels. I am bed ridden for two weeks and the entire time stuffing my face with vicodine to intense burning sensation that radiates from the broken bones.

With the damn cast going up my crotch area my leg was damn near straight the enitre time. I pee in a jug like contraption but have yet to drop the solids. Two weeks of stuffing my face, laying in bed, and eating pills like theyre tic tac. Needless to say I was immensely constipated. Mind you my wound is still fresh these first two weeks. My ain mode of transportation required my leg to be carried gently into a wheel chair.

I had a walker but my bones havent quite healed enough for me to lift under my own power. Week one passes no worries, never felt the urge. Halfway through the next weekend I felt rumbling but nothing serious, couple farts here and there. Very smelly ones at that.

Suddenly, I wake up middle of the night with what felt like a demon child was practicing judo chops on my stomach walls. I try and call for some help to set up the beside commode but my crys for help went one sleeping ears. Feeling the MMA fight in my stomach getting more intense I lunge to unfold my walker, I do so. I muster up enough courage to lift my leg and MY DEAR GOD WHY DID I DO SUCH A THING. The pain was as if I had fallen and broken the bones again.

It was sharp and painful but the murderous deomon child inside me was craving attention so I limp myself accross the hall on the walker and reach the restroom. I see the toilet and my salvation. I get in there drop the shorts and try to sit down. FUCK ME SIDEWAYS, the restroom is not wide enough to fit my straight leg while I sit on the toilet. I feel my asshole starting its missile deployment process. I say FUCK IT and sat sideways.

Silo doors are open. I give the okay to launch.........................................awa iting some type of explosive action I wait. and wait. and wait. NOTHING. but I feel the missile there. I am WTFing at that moment. I give it a push. NOPE did not budge. I give it a harder push. Again this hardheaded motherfucker did not wanna leave. I give it an harder push and kept pushing. Blood rushing to the eyes and felt like they were about to pop out of my head. I kept saying in my head keep going bud you can do this. I push for a good 30 seconds only to feel....


some anal tearing.........at that moment I knew I will never be the same man after that night. I am now silent with little droplits escaping my eyes.

I suck it up and gave it one more manly push. I grunt. I contract the abs. I grip the toilet bowl and gave it all I had. BAM I FEEL MOVEMENT! I feel relieved that this may soon be over.

BUT WHYYYYY GOD WHYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I goes halfway and stops. I try to retract the head of the the demon child that is trying to escape through my anus but it wont go. I push and it still wont go. I am left sitting there with a half born devil infant sticking out my ass sitting sideways alone at 3am in the morning. I go through this battle with my asshole the widest Ive ever felt it for the next 30-45mins.

I have grown numb to the excruciating pain. I rest myself.

Had time to reflect. Decided I do not want to die of anal rapage from my own feces. I brace myself for another epic all out assault push. 3....2.....1.......wooosahhhh biiitch... PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH.


PLUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! one single piece of what felt like a turd the size of and early model coolant expansion tank and as solid as a block of steel splashes into the bowl. I am sweating like a mother that just gave birth. I am sighing in relief with my rectum pulsing.

I clean what ever mess is down there. Toilet paper is stained red. I damn near passout in horror. I look in the bowl. Pool of red just like in horror films with a mount of doo doo floating in the middle.

I finish wiping and pushed myself up. Washed my hands and went to flush. VOOOOSH....GULP>>GULP...the beast was not going to be defeated that easily. The bitch clogged the toilet. Pink back water fill the toilet near the brim but no sight of turd. Now I told myself FUCK IT I'll explain in the morning.

I limp back to bed. Guns hot and throbbing. I lay down and thought about the worst and most unpleasant experience I have ever had. I was now afraid to take a shit. Soo much blood, sweat and tears.

Just in case I was ever questioning my sexual orientation before that night. I was positively confirmed afterwards.

FIN.

[Axxe]

^^ I had a similar experience, except not as intense and without a broken leg. One week after wisdom teeth removal (all 4) after being on percs and soup, my first semi-solid meal and oh lord. I don't really want to talk about it too much, but it was the most horrible experience I have ever had.

[Thizzelle]

so your the guys to blame when I go into a bathroom and see shit splattered all over. How about you go when you need to go. Stop holding your shit food in!! I don't need to see a nuclear spill when I open a stall door.

[Thizzelle]

I blacked out trying to push a duece out, woke up and there was nothing in the toilet....

free high? I guess

[m73m95]

How many of us have done the penguin walk through a store, just to barely make it to the shit stall?

Everyone knows the walk, and for some reason every isle leading to the bathroom is filled with people. You try to look calm and collected as you walk by. Maybe even stop to look at something on the shelf (because you need to squeeze your cheeks again to gain a little more grip of the situation). As you saunter through the store (Always a big store like Target or Lowes), going slow enough to not cause a scene, but quickly enough so you make it... everyone can see the sweat pouring off of your brow.

Trying to be inconspicuous is the most conspicuous thing of all. The voice in your head is screaming in horror, and crying in misery...yet your outside demeanor is cool. Suave.....as you shuffle step to the loo.

[ieatpeople]

anal destruction

same thing here after my leg/knee injury. eating somewhat normal for about a week, on tons of pain meds, feel the need after 6 days, get to the toilet, almost blackout from the pain, blood and poo completely filling the toilet. my starfish was weeping blood for about 2 days after that. it sucked.

[ohthejosh]

same thing here after my leg/knee injury. eating somewhat normal for about a week, on tons of pain meds, feel the need after 6 days, get to the toilet, almost blackout from the pain, blood and poo completely filling the toilet. my starfish was weeping blood for about 2 days after that. it sucked.

I was scared to poo for the next two weeks. I avoided all remotely spicey foods.

[spike68]

Fucking hot wings night. I had firey runs for days.

[ohthejosh]

A pulsating anus that is on fire is the worst feeling ever.

[E30_Pare]

Anal tearing turns these stories into japanese horror flics

[E30_Pare]

When I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex. I, as one might expect of a 17 year old, was excited. Neither hell nor high water was going to stand between me and my final destination.

I get ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well. Unfortunately there was also an issue. I have a digestion disorder that sometimes cause my sh1t to become large and quite solid while still inside me. I wasn't aware it was a treatable problem and, in fact, just thought everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal kidney stones. I bring this up because I had a mighty one which had been loaded into the gun for several days.

Let me set the scene. Her parents are away. We have her house to ourselves. She was always a little kinky so she demands we do it in her parents bed.

I walk in to a candle holocaust. She's been working on this all day apparently, and its as bright as high noon in there with the lights off. Which is good, because she proceeds to do a sweet, sexy little dance for me. At 16, she was AMAZING. For those of you who never experienced a female at that age, I pity the fool.

Now I'm sitting on the bed, watching this dance. I smile and tell her how good she looks. Unfortunately, most of my attention is focused on the dull throbbing from my sphincter and the large amount of intestinal discomfort associated with not dropping deuce in days. But somehow I still get hard and we go to town.

She starts out on top, then we switch. I bend her over the bed, and I even smack her ass (a ballsy move at the time, but she loved it). Due to my built up distraction, I last for what seems like FOREVER. She can't stop moaning and telling me how good it feels, and then she says what every man wants to hear "I want to make you cum in my mouth." I ****ing love women.

So she goes down on me. She was always average at best in the head department but at least she tried. She pops my d1ck out of her mouth long enough to look up at me and say "tell me if you like this". Then I feel it.

She stuck her finger up my ass.

My brain hits the panic switch and every muscle in my entire body locks up tighter than a three year old virgin. But its too late.

I take a massive, PAINFUL, PAINFUL sh1t, all over her parents comforter.

No, you aren't understanding. I mean large. Huge. IMMENSE. Take your largest sh1t and multiple it by forty-two and you'll have an idea of what flew out of me.

And gents, when I say flew, I don't mean "I pooped." I mean "projectile". I mean "hurricane force winds hitting an umbrella stand". And due to my condition, it comes out as a large, dark brown, smelly harpoon.

I know it hit her. I didn't see it. She ran screaming "OH MY GOD OHMYGODOHMYGODEEEEEWWWWWWWW" but I always imagined that, due to her position, it hit her right in the chin. Or at least the t1ts.

I would like to say I got up to go after her. But I heard the bathroom door shut and I just lied there. The smell hit me after a few seconds. It smelled like someone rolled a cat in sh1t and threw it into a tire fire. I looked down and saw, to date, the largest bowel movement I've ever heard of laying on the bed. Then I noticed the blood, and when I did, I noticed the pain.

Apparently the fact that it was so large caused it to rip my ass a little bit (thought I was bleeding from the inside. This little doctors trip the next day is what taught me of my condition). There was a small pool of blood where my ass had been. A final reminder of the exact place and moment I lost my virginity. I will treasure this memory for all my days.

I grab my sh1t with my hands and go to the downstairs bathroom. I throw around 1/3 into the toilet and flush, fearing any more will clog it and only add to my already significant woes.

I stand there, holding 2/3's of my biggest sh1t of all time, feeling a trickle of blood flow down my leg, trying to ignore the sharp pain stabbing my rectum. I find myself wishing I had a photo of this.

Anyway, I finish flushing my baby, clean off my hands, jam toilet paper between my cheeks (I skipped the band aid) and went upstairs. I could hear my girlfriend sobbing from behind the bathroom door. I decided not to say anything to her and just keep moving. The smell in her parents room was abysmal. Its like when you take a sh1t and walk out of the bathroom you think "hey not so bad today," but then you walk back in to grab your magazine and go "HOLY FVCK!". It was one of those moments.

The scene is burned behind my eyelids for all time. My life. My shame. My very first time smelled like a pile of dead babies. I quickly got dressed since the heat from ten thousand candles was making the room feel more like a port-a-potty. I was aware enough to grab the comforter on my way out and drag it downstairs to their washer. Also the top and bottom sheets since the blood had leaked on through all the way to mattress. Still no sign of the GF but at this point I considered it a blessing.

I jammed in the washer with 3 loads worth of detergent and set it on spin, knowing that not even the hand of God would save these linens, let alone Tide and Snuggles.

Then I left. I avoided my GF's calls for days until she came to my house. We had a long talk about what happened. Talk being synonymous with "breaking up with me because I sh1t on her". And it was all over. She promised not to tell a soul and I don't THINK she ever did. She was probably as ashamed as I was about the whole deed. But I will always this happening as the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me.

[Mr. Tasty]

when you guys have to take a gnarly shit and your nose is stuffy, do you leave your nose stuffy and shit, or blow your nose so you can be accompanied by the olfactory sensations?

[ohthejosh]

I cant shit with a stuffy nose.

[E30_Pare]

I sit on the toilet wait to sneeze & poop @ the same time

[Pac1373]

^ that is a great way to hurt yourself, lol,

try Sneezing, hiccuping, burping and farting at the same time. that right there is total self p'wnage. it can also result in shitting of the pants, choking on a drink and near asphyxiation

I can't even explain the violated feeling after such a catastrophic physical failure as that. it has happened to me a couple of times in my life.

embarrassing yes, but it just fucking hurts too.

Cheers,