Cops with a sense of humor

[gwb72tii]

got these from a friend.....


These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were
taken off their car videos:


1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just
went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you
go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey
poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National
Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend
of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't. Sign here."

[F34R]

Awesome, so many funny ones.

[agile30]

Hahahhahhhahahahahahahahaahahha that's fucking hilarious. Please get more if possible.

[Xat1cZ]

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't. Sign here."

...what does he mean by "sign"... and what is this "here"

[CarsSuck]

implies she isnt so pretty

[andrewm]

implies she isnt so pretty

implies your mind is not yet dirty enough

[Peterkaczynski]

lolol

[ohthejosh]

NYPD Police Officer vs. New York Lawyer
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a NYC Police Officer. He thinks that he is smarter than the Police Officer because he is a lawyer and is certain that he has a better education than any Police Officer. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Police Officers expense.

The Police Officer says," License and registration, please."

"What for?" says the lawyer.

The Police Officer says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming."

"You still didn't come to a complete stop”, Says the Police Officer. “License and registration, please".

The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

"The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law.

License and registration, please!" says the Police Officer.

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the Police Officer says.

At this point, the Police Officer takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving shit out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?

[Kershaw]

*yawn*

[matthugie]

[Cabriolet]

NYPD Police Officer vs. New York Lawyer...
...At this point, the Police Officer takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving shit out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?

fake and gay

[InuFaye]

got these from a friend.....


These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were
taken off their car videos:


1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just
went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you
go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey
poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National
Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend
of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't. Sign here."

Proof that cops are fuckwads.

[deutschman]

To me most of those are not funny. They just sound like people who have to much power over civilians, getting of on the act that the civilian is getting fucked. Yes some times the fucking is deserved. I just don't like that cops think they do not need to treat other humans with respect even If the other person is a criminal.

[ieatpeople]

To me most of those are not funny. They just sound like people who have to much power over civilians, getting of on the act that the civilian is getting fucked. Yes some times the fucking is deserved. I just don't like that cops think they do not need to treat other humans with respect even If the other person is a criminal.

sounds to me like you got fucked by an officer...



i think these comments were made to people who were rude, beligerent, non-compliant, and/or drunk. or possibly wanted murder suspects that have been pulled over.

[Mr_Tripp]

This is good!!