Nonsense Thread

[Chilezen]

I have an update on the work situation...

Yes, the few people I have told have had similar reactions. F- that guy, basically.

I try to not directly shame him or put him in a bad light. I try to reasonably share my experience, one that has not been particularly great. I do share blame in the instances that caused him stress.


Sunday night I was out with friends, drinking. Hey, I'm unemployed (relatively speaking, I have jobs lined up Tuesday). Monday morning I wake up at 11. I get a call from my boss, asking me to come in at 1, for a meeting. I say, okay, but at 3. He asks, are you still in bed? I say yes, like wtf else am I gonna say. He chuckles and says "well that makes this easier." Like okay.

So I go, get there a little late anyway.

The important notes of the meeting:

I signed a paper acknowledging what happened Friday. He apologized for acting out of line.
I signed a paper acknowledging the past "incidents" I performed in the workplace in the past 2 years. (it's 7 pages long, baby!)
I signed a paper, basically an NDA, saying I can't share any data, proprietary knowledge, and can't slander the business. I think it says I'm not supposed to even talk about being fired? Idk whatever
I didn't sign a paper that describes a severance agreement. I probably will, I just wanted someone else to look it over.

This last document says that I'll agree to work for 4 more weeks, completing ongoing projects, and tying up loose ends. 4 weeks probably isn't enough for all that because of my depth in the company but hey, we both agreed we gotta cut it off. He acknowledged that I built this company into what it is. I'll agree to working those 4 weeks and then receive 2 weeks severance pay.

Afterwards, he is interested in the idea (this was actually my idea I pitched to him a month ago) that I would be contracted to come in and install a roll cage, or maybe do something else that I'm good at. I said that's a possibility, I would like to keep the door open for future business.


I also said I will not be starting those 4 weeks right away. I will start next week, taking this week off to reset. If he wants to do 3 weeks instead of the 4, that's fine with me.
He said fine, there's nothing he can do about that. I'll start next week, for 4 weeks.
I still didn't sign the paper.

He doesn't know I am about to drive up north to Sacramento to perform to 2-day internship for a potential life-changing career move. That's why I wanted this week off.

I set terms. He agreed. He wants me back, conditionally. I don't know if I'll get the job up north. I have options open.

I have quite a few options open. I know I'm in the right field (not to disagree with an earlier suggestion, I have considered it, but this is where I want to be, right where I am).

This has been a very trying year for me. It took a lot of f-cking work to get here.

[Chilezen]

Thank you gentlemen for the inspiring words.

One thing about the relationship and the workplace is that they generally mirrored each other--when I put more attention into one, the other suffered. I struggled so much to keep a balance. I was constantly disappointing someone, somewhere. There were many factors at play, but the primary dilemma always came down to money. I never "worked" because it was just a job to fulfill a basic need, I worked because I liked doing what I did. Which primarily meant the work that I did would sometimes not be in the best interest of the company (yes I am not a very good employee). I was hired on the premise that I would be doing what I liked to do. Things changed, but I struggled with change. I would never identify myself as the best employee, I would I consider myself the one who put out the best work. I wanted to be happy in life. I chose to do that at work. But work didn't really reward me for that. So I didn't get paid handsomely. Just enough to want to hang on, but never to thrive.

So as I struggled with income, I was constantly stressed, and didn't really focus on my girl. She struggled. And one of the things that she does when she's depressed is spend, spend spend. She couldn't afford to, and that drove me nuts, causing me to want to work more. I couldn't see a prosperous life with her because I felt like she would be the one to hold us back, financially.

She took on small jobs like donating plasma (the blood stuff), and doing Amazon Flex deliveries. I also started Amazon Flex deliveries. Once in a while, I would get a paid photography gig. I took on a few side projects, building car stuff. But everything just wasn't enough.
I have had 3 therapists. I have been suicidal. I have had many bouts of feeling numb, detached from life.

I have struggled with communication. I didn't care about people and got the impression people didn't care about me. It really showed. And it really affected my relationship and workplace efficiency. I don't tell people what I really want or need, and am silent about being discontent.

This has been my worst and my best year. I've also lost 2 cats that were very dear to me. I don't know any any one thing that caused the recent uplift in my mood. Honestly maybe it was when she broke up with me. I didn't even accept it; I was in denial for a while.
I wrote in a journal about all the things I didn't like about myself and her. I maxed out the character limit is my notes app, describing scenarios of the past that I didn't agree with. I wrote reasons why I would not want to get back together with her. But I still consider her my closest friend to this day, and I still support her. I am comfortable with the fact that she is not mine anymore, and that I am free.

I have no idea if any of this is normal, but so what. I don't know what normal means. I have tried to be normal and I just didn't figure it out. That bullsht advice to just "be yourself" really isn't all that bad of advice. Taking that advice has cost me the stability and familiarity I had, but I genuinely feel better today.

I had a fabricator friend tell me today, "People know you because of your work, they just don't know you."
When I went to Laguna Seca a couple weeks ago, somebody said "you're the guy from the video." Because I was; I had to make instructional videos on how to install the roll cages I designed for the cars. He was happy with it; with me.
One of my boss's, for one of the side jobs I have, also had positive words to say. I came to him to say I am considering a potential job, and I might move away, which might negatively affect you. He said he was really proud of me, saying I am the right person for that job, and that he admired my character for telling him before making any decision, because I didn't have to.
That's just me, though, I'm nice. I did the same with the fabricator friend that hired me for the day today. He thinks it's the best opportunity and would rather me be happy pursuing this, than to be helping him out there. He paid me generously despite not getting a lot of work done, citing the other guy he had cost him more in mistakes.

I think on a final note, I am too nice. I don't always stand up for myself because I sense that the other person feels satisfaction in feeling powerful or angry, and I let them fulfill their needs to express themselves. That's what my trauma has taught me. And it responds appropriately, by ignoring the hate and not remembering their words.

I can't stop thinking. I will overthink things. I will not share it with people. I will over-analyze things that are simple. That drove my ex crazy.

There is a whole lot of introspection I have done, mostly on my own, some with the therapist. He enjoys our sessions, says he looks forward to our meetings. I would prefer to not need therapy and not stress about life and earn a decent wage and just sit at my favorite cocktail bar and see some pretty girls and just make small talk with the bartenders. That's what has kept me going the past few months. If I move, I'm going to really miss that bar.

I'm sorry for rambling. I feel mildly bad about drawing attention to myself.
But also thank you for reading. This is me trying to connect with people. I never hear normal people talk like this. I think that's a shame.

[2mAn]

Send homeboy a message that you intend to collect your final check and your tools and give him a day or two to be prepared. Put it in writing.

Fk that guy

[DEV0 E30]

Already some incredible advice given already - but I 100% agree with all of it. First, sorry this happened but you will be better off.

Like you said, this was bound to happen - and you weren't happy.

Take a moment to realize - and release that stress, trauma, and exhaustion.

That is 100% a terrible work environment - if you are constantly berated without being given the tools or advice to progress - it's time to move on.

Even the star employee of a business needs to have success, and it isn't 100% on them. The conditions and other variables matter.

I left my last job, because of many reasons - and I should have left sooner, but it's a big deal, and usually isn't easy.

I don't really know where my career path is going next, I've got some ideas and that is going to be a big priority soon.

We tie so much of our lives into our work, and if you aren't happy, what the fuck is the point?

I've already told myself, I'm going to try some things out, and if it isn't what I expected, I'll move on.

I'm fortunate that can be my short term outlook before I have to stick with something, but you should never feel STUCK going forward.

At the end of the day, you have to do what is best for YOU and YOURS. It is not easy to move on, but only positive things are ahead.

We learn what we can put up with, and learn what we absolutely can't deal with - and you need to respect yourself again, as already mentioned.

Open your mind and give the possibilities that present themselves a real listen, you never know where it could lead.

[roguetoaster]

Hey, I'm sorry to hear man. But it will get better.

Really be honest with yourself about why you couldn't do that job, or when you decided not to, and why you stayed. I know you wrote about it some before.

Sincerely, do the same thing with your relationship. 8 years is a long time without it progressing to another level. There are so many reasons why that might be, and I'm not trying to judge at all.

Seriously consider if you might not be in the right field. Try new stuff. I have personally had 4 seperate careers, and it took me 15 working years to find the right one. Leaving the stability of being an employee, to becoming a sole proprietor was legitimately the best choice for me. I love quality work, and I can work to that level while billing for it appropriately. Yes, I have to fill my schedule with some work I really don't want, but I can tailor that to suit based on my level of give a fuck that week.

When I found happiness with my work, happiness in my life followed very quickly as I simply started to change whatever I didn't like about myself once I got out of not liking what I did.

Also know, there will be very dark times. Times when you want to simply give up. Find that reason to keep living, for me it started with my nephew, and now it's the woman I fully intend to marry. Understand that those things that make you wake up in the morning are greater than yourself, and we all need something beyond our own selves to exist in a meaningful way. That something shouldn't be our work if at all possible.

Recognize your value as a worker, as a man, and as a human. You are worth it, and when you find that right fit, you will become indispensable.