Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Nonsense Thread

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Steve buscemi.

    sigpic
    Gigitty Gigitty!!!!

    88 cabrio becoming alpina b6 3.5s transplanted s62
    92 Mtech 2 cabrio alpinweiss 770 code
    88 325ix coupe manual lachsilber/cardinal
    88 325ix coupe manual diamondschwartz/natur
    87 e30 m3 for parts lachsilber/cardinal(serial number 7)
    12 135i M sport cabrio grey/black

    Comment



      Flyboy!!! You da man!!!!
      If it's got tits or tires, it's gonna cost ya!

      Comment


        This thread has been pretty dead lately. I’m in for another round of story time...


        1989 325is l 1984 euro 320i l 1970 2002 Racecar
        1991 318i 4dr slick top


        Euro spec 320i/Alpina B6 3.5 project(the never ending saga)
        Vintage race car revival (2002 content)
        Mtech 2 turbo restoration
        Brilliantrot slick top "build"

        Comment


          Someone has to have a good story from St. Pattys day.

          Instagram: Reichart12

          Comment


            Originally posted by flyboyx View Post
            old lady tried to get into flyboy's pants #2

            this is a long story. i apologize in advance.

            so...i was living at this crashpad i mentioned in the last story. it was a nasty old ghetto apartment complex that was eventually torn down to build an airport parking lot.

            there was this really tall scary looking long hair dude that was always out in the parking lot underneath the hood of some random shit box. as i mentioned, he was big and scary looking so i always did my best to avoid him. one day i pulled in to the parking lot and the only space available was right next to a car this guy was working on. I'm like...fuck! i'll just pull in, shut off the car, and make a b-line for my apartment without making eye contact. as i get out of the car, this guy leans over and says hello in a really nice and polite manner. somewhat taken aback, i shoot the shit with him for a few minutes and quickly realize he is well educated and actually a very nice guy. since i sat around a lot and don't do a lot of flying at this point in my career, i start to hang out with this guy once in a while and before you know it we become pretty good friends.

            there is an old divorced lady that lived next to this guy. they have adjoining balconies. in the course of hanging out i become acquainted with this lady. the reason why is because every night she sits out on her balcony after work and drinks an entire bottle of johnny walker red or a 24 pack of nattie light. she is always trashed!

            have you guys ever seen the movie: "there's something about mary" with ben stiller and cameron diaz? well this lady looked exactly like the character "magda" from this movie except she had hair dyed a ridiculous shade of fire engine red. she was just fucking gross in every possible way imaginable. that same actress that played magda was also in the movie "kingpin" with woody harelson. woody's character is a professional bowler that is down on his luck and can't pay his rent. the old lady is his landlord. (we will get to that part in a minute).

            back to the story, this old hag in question was mentally fucked up about seven different ways to sunday. she did have a really beautiful 22 year old daughter that was a stripper. both "magda" and long hair guy were always trying to push her on me and always trying to get me to ask her out. (this is a story for another installment).

            at the time, i had a 1987 thunderbird turbo coupe. it needed some maintenance attention in a bad way. the rear axle seal on the driver's side was leaking big time. it was slinging lube all over the inside of my wheel and brake on that side of the car. one afternoon, scary guy and i decide to tackle the replacement of this bearing seal. after about an hour of work, the car is up on jack stands in the complex's parking lot, cover is off the diff, the axles are out and i am just in the process of yanking the seal out of the end of the axle tube. about this time, the apartment manager walks up to us and hands long hair guy an eviction notice. this is due to a clause in every apartment lease saying you can't do vehicle maintenance in the parking lot.

            scary guy goes ape shit! he follows her back to her office screaming at her that its not his car, and he is only sitting around handing me wrenches. since he looked like a massive goon and probably even more so because he was so pissed off, the manager freaks out and calls the police. about the time the cops show up, she also has typed up an eviction notice for me too. i guess she figured she couldn't get rid of him without getting rid of me in the process since it was indeed my car.

            well, i was simply renting a bed and i had no lease. that basically meant that i was out of there and homeless that very night. long hair guy and his girlfriend did indeed have a lease, so they couldn't be kicked out without due process and a court hearing.

            he feels responsible and really bad about this whole situation and takes it upon himself to find me a place stay. of course his solution is fucking magda!!!! i'm not that excited about it, but the deal is that i will stay on her couch once in a while when i am in town and need a bed for the night. about a week rolled by and i finish a trip fairly late at night. i call scary guy a little earlier in the day to see if its ok for me to say with the skanky old lady. he gets me all set up and i drop in about 9pm. she is oddly very excited to see me. she has dinner made. she offers me a couple beers. she has rented a couple movies and puts one in the dvd player.

            i have been flying all day and i am really tired. i take a shower and let her know that i am ready to go to sleep. by the time i come out of the bath, she has sheets and pillows on the sofa. she tells me that she just put fresh sheets on her bed and that i am to sleep in there, she will sleep in the couch because i am the guest. we go round and round for about 15 minutes about this. i insist that i am going to sleep on the sofa and she insists that i am going to sleep on her room. finally, at length, i give up and come to the conclusion that she really wants me to sleep in the bed and her the couch.

            now, keep in mind...at this point, i am about 30 years old and this chick is probably in her mid to late 60's. she has spent the last 3 months trying to push her daughter on me. the last thing in the world that i could possibly imagine would be that this old hag would be interested in my one eyed beaver spear.

            for me, the rest is basically is an excerpt from alice in wonderland as far as i'm concerned.

            i crawl into bed and this great grandma does this really creepy "tuck in" thing. she uses the tips of her fingers to poke the covers in all around me. weird! she heads over to the door and turns out the light. i am thinking: whew!!! thank god that scary ho has left the room. now i can get some fucking sleep! unfortunately, it just wasn't meant to be. i was laying on my side facing the wall opposite the door. after about 30 seconds, she pulls back the covers behind me, slides into the outside spoon position, reaches a hand down my boxers, starts tugging my shaft, and ad at the same time is licking the back of my neck! holy fuck!!!@##&&@^^!!!!! i flew out of there like someone shot me out of a cannon!

            up above i mentioned the movie "kingpin". there is a scene where woody doesn't have money pay the rent, so he has to give his landlord(magda) oral sex or else she is going to kick him out. after he finishes her off, the next scene he is in the back ground puking into the toilet. in the foreground, she is laying in bed smoking a cigarette and says in a deep, husky voice: "it wasn't THAT bad!" this was the only thing running through my mind at this point.

            god damn!!!! that lady just made my skin crawl! GAAAAHHH! since i didn't have anywhere else to go, i crashed on her sofa without any further incident.

            i'd like to say that i never set foot in her apartment again. scary guy dragged me back in there sometime later to watch a movie, but i certainly never stayed the night. this is also a story for another day.....

            ok you fuckers! remember this horror story above from several months ago?

            I guess now its time to tell the tale of Magda's daughter.

            both scary guy and "Magda" were always pushing this chick on me. she was really hot. I'm not going to lie. I stated above that she was about 22. she could have been 20. she was pretty young. she did have a character flaw or two however that I just couldn't seem to get past. both scary guy and mom told me she was a stripper. I remember she was over at her mom's apartment rather often and I also recall having several random conversations with her. I cannot for the life of me remember her name so we will call her "sherry".

            one day while chatting, the subject of her "career" came up. she was telling me that she wasn't really a stripper. she said worked at one of those video sex shop stores. she sits in a booth behind a sheet of glass. a random guy walks into a room on the other side of the glass, puts money into a slot, she takes off her clothes, masturbates, gets the guy to throw more money in the slot and beat off until he jizzes all over the floor.

            well.....ok......then!

            perhaps a few weeks later I was hanging out with scary guy and "Sherry" comes by to see her mom. she is really excited! apparently, she and one of her girlfriends were sitting around drunk watching daytime tv. low and behold at the end of a Jenni Jones show they solicit "volunteers(victims?)" for a future episode. they are looking for young women that fit a certain "category". stripper girl and her friend call the show and score a slot on the episode in question.

            well.....ok....then!

            what kind of trailer park fucking retard actually volunteers to be on a daytime television talk show?????!!!!!

            of course, scary guy and I just can't wait to see her 3 seconds of fame! a few weeks pass and she and her friend get first class tickets to fly up to Chicago for the special day. we crossed paths a few days after and of course I had to ask how it went. I remember her telling me that there were two other young women on the program that day. she said they were both skanky fat slobs but that her and her friend were a "real class act".

            well.....ok....then!

            another month passes. we eagerly await the day this episode airs. unfortunately, I was flying that day and I missed it. scary guy watched it with Magda and said it was a total train wreck which is about what I imagined. a few days later I am over there hanging out and I keep nagging Magda to let me see the show that she taped. she keeps resisting and doesn't want me to see it. I keep on keeping on. finally she reluctantly puts the tape in the VCR. we fast forward through the first two girls. they are basically 300 pound teen agers that suck dicks in trailer parks for extra money-their fat ass mirror image skank moms yelling at them all the while.

            toward the end of the episode, we finally get to see stripper girl.

            what a fucking train wreck! keep in mind this was like 18 years ago, so my details could be a little off. it starts off with "sherry's" friend sitting on the stage next to an empty chair. Jenny is asking her a few general questions about why they are there that day. she tells Jenny that she doesn't agree with stripper girl's lifestyle and she wants/wishes she would change. Jenny says something like: ok, lets get her out on the stage and see what she has to say.

            Jesus fucking christ! I don't watch daytime television, but this had to be the cheesiest thing I've seen in my lifetime! they pan off to a waiting room back stage. the camera is set to a close up of her ass! she is wearing little shiny stripper shorts, matching stripper bra and a pair of heels. she does a "turbo booty"! the camera backs off a bit and she starts dancing around like a stripper or probably more like some random chick from a Girls Gone Wild video. the audience goes berserk!!!!!!! she is eating up the attention like a honey badger!

            she comes out on stage to more applause and chanting! she sits down with her friend. Jenny asks a few stupid ass questions. the friend gets teary eyed. more retarded conversation and finally this calamity draws to a close.

            I was just sitting there for probably a minute or two not able to properly process the pile of horse shit my mind just ingested. I am like: what....the...fucking....actual...fuck...?????!!!! and these assholes want me to date this bitch? Jesus f'ing christ!!!!! I am just sitting there wondering how many hundred dicks she has already sucked?

            I looked high and low over the internet trying to find the episode so that I could share it with all of you. I didn't have any luck. all of this happened somewhere around the summer of 2000. I'm not the most computer savvy tool in the shed. perhaps if one of you could search for Jenny Jones episodes to find this installment, you would be my hero! I remember stripper girl telling us the title of the show was something like "girls addicted to sex"? I think in reality it might have been more like "girls that get paid for sex"? too long ago so I don't remember......

            anyway, after about the hundredth time of Magda bugging me to ask out her daughter, I made a comment to her that I regret. it was something I don't think anyone should say to a mother. I actually told her that I didn't think guys like me date girls like her. I still feel bad about saying that. however, her reaction wasn't exactly what I would have expected. at first her face seemed to flash anger, but then after a second or two, she thought about it and I saw a look that I took as: yeah...I guess that makes sense.

            the good news was that I never had to listen to her hint around about that again. the bad news was that she apparently took it to mean that flyboyx hunting season was open for her instead
            Last edited by flyboyx; 03-19-2018, 11:12 AM.
            sigpic
            Gigitty Gigitty!!!!

            88 cabrio becoming alpina b6 3.5s transplanted s62
            92 Mtech 2 cabrio alpinweiss 770 code
            88 325ix coupe manual lachsilber/cardinal
            88 325ix coupe manual diamondschwartz/natur
            87 e30 m3 for parts lachsilber/cardinal(serial number 7)
            12 135i M sport cabrio grey/black

            Comment


              This is the story we needed. I found a list of episode names but a quick check for your title in 2000 didnt work for me.

              Instagram: Reichart12

              Comment


                yes, I think I found the same thing. it was a listing of probably 10-20% of the episodes from that period dated by year and month. keep in mind that this show probably taped 100+ episodes a year though. this had to have been spring/summer 2k though. if I can recall, I think scary guy got me kicked out of the apartment by early to mid summer. I remember spending a couple months commuting from my parent's home in Michigan before I purchased my own home in august of that year.

                I also remember stripper girl telling me that Jenny jones was a total bitch. lol
                sigpic
                Gigitty Gigitty!!!!

                88 cabrio becoming alpina b6 3.5s transplanted s62
                92 Mtech 2 cabrio alpinweiss 770 code
                88 325ix coupe manual lachsilber/cardinal
                88 325ix coupe manual diamondschwartz/natur
                87 e30 m3 for parts lachsilber/cardinal(serial number 7)
                12 135i M sport cabrio grey/black

                Comment


                  by the way start watching this at 2:30 or so.



                  this chick to me is the spitting image of stripper girl's mom except for teased up ridiculous fire engine red hair you could see her scalp through.
                  sigpic
                  Gigitty Gigitty!!!!

                  88 cabrio becoming alpina b6 3.5s transplanted s62
                  92 Mtech 2 cabrio alpinweiss 770 code
                  88 325ix coupe manual lachsilber/cardinal
                  88 325ix coupe manual diamondschwartz/natur
                  87 e30 m3 for parts lachsilber/cardinal(serial number 7)
                  12 135i M sport cabrio grey/black

                  Comment


                    LOL

                    its been a while since we've had a story... Thanks for another great one
                    Originally posted by wholepailofwater
                    Q
                    :devil:


                    WTB: Dove Grey e36 Front Door Panels (2 door)

                    Comment


                      Originally posted by MrBurgundy View Post
                      its been a while since we've had a story... Thanks for another great one
                      +1
                      :popcorn:
                      If it's got tits or tires, it's gonna cost ya!

                      Comment


                        Nonsense Thread

                        Looks like I’m coming back to the E30 game boys. Just bought my E36 shifter and IE DSSR back from my buddy for $30 less than I sold it to him, never mounted. Gonna buy a new diff for it and the body panels off his wrecked car. Then respray Henna. My dad is giving me a deal on his never-been-used H&R race & Bilstein SpecE30 suspension because theychanged the rules this year. Going to be looking at cleaning up the interior, getting new wheels and getting my hands on an engine to swap soon. Super excited.


                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                        Last edited by HennaE30; 03-20-2018, 11:09 AM.
                        Originally posted by flyboyx
                        how about if i yank the anal beads out of your ass like i'm trying to pull start a chain saw?
                        Originally posted by Northern
                        beer is my new liver cleanse.

                        Henna - '84 Hennarot 325e
                        Lola - '89 Schwarz 325is - being saved
                        Christine - '88 Schwarz 325is - Spec E30 Racecar
                        '01 White F150 Lariat 4x4 Supercrew - Daily
                        Dad's '05 Interlagosblau M3

                        Comment


                          Originally posted by HennaE30 View Post
                          Looks like I’m coming back to the E30 game boys. Just bought my E36 shifter and IE DSSR back from my buddy for $30 less than I sold it to him, never mounted. Gonna buy a new diff for it and the body panels off his wrecked car. Then respray Henna. My dad is giving me a deal on his never-been-used H&R race & Bilstein SpecE30 suspension because theychanged the rules this year. Going to be looking at cleaning up the interior, getting new wheels and getting my hands on an engine to swap soon. Super excited.


                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                          nice man! Wait your dad races spec e30?




                          Speaking of people being on TV. My dad was on Judge Joe Brown...I've never been able to see it. I've looked all over.
                          1990 325is
                          m52b28
                          3.73lsd
                          g260 (1987 325is 5spd tranny)

                          Comment


                            Originally posted by TeXJ View Post
                            nice man! Wait your dad races spec e30?









                            Speaking of people being on TV. My dad was on Judge Joe Brown...I've never been able to see it. I've looked all over.


                            He still needs to button the car up. But they changed the ruling for SE30 to Ground Controls, so he said he’d cut me a deal on the H&Rs. Overall just get her put back together and in running shape. I have an M20 block I was considering building, but I might throw something else in it instead.


                            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                            Originally posted by flyboyx
                            how about if i yank the anal beads out of your ass like i'm trying to pull start a chain saw?
                            Originally posted by Northern
                            beer is my new liver cleanse.

                            Henna - '84 Hennarot 325e
                            Lola - '89 Schwarz 325is - being saved
                            Christine - '88 Schwarz 325is - Spec E30 Racecar
                            '01 White F150 Lariat 4x4 Supercrew - Daily
                            Dad's '05 Interlagosblau M3

                            Comment


                              I was over at my buddies house chilling with the neighbor guy that moved in a few weeks prior. We were drinking and and he says he has something to do but to come over in an hour. Well me and the friend notice that he didn't drive away, so us been drinking we go to his house to bug him.we knock on the door and he doesn't answer so we yell at him saying hey fucker open up we know you are home type shit. My friend goes to wiggle the door knob and it's unlocked, now it's "we are the police, we have the house surrounded and are coming in!!!". We open the door and get the smell of hot shit right away, I look into the living room and see the big ass.neighbor lady naked and squatting on the glass coffee table taking a shit. Old boy is also naked laying under the coffee table,he has some poop on him and was beating off. I looked away, and he looks at us and I can see out of the corner of my eye that he has poop all over his face. Overwhelmed by the smell and the sight I just saw I run into the yard and puke my brains out.

                              Dude comes over 20 minutes later and just says hey sorry about that. Like it wasn't a big deal...

                              Comment


                                Originally posted by Mediumrarechicken View Post
                                I was over at my buddies house chilling with the neighbor guy that moved in a few weeks prior. We were drinking and and he says he has something to do but to come over in an hour. Well me and the friend notice that he didn't drive away, so us been drinking we go to his house to bug him.we knock on the door and he doesn't answer so we yell at him saying hey fucker open up we know you are home type shit. My friend goes to wiggle the door knob and it's unlocked, now it's "we are the police, we have the house surrounded and are coming in!!!". We open the door and get the smell of hot shit right away, I look into the living room and see the big ass.neighbor lady naked and squatting on the glass coffee table taking a shit. Old boy is also naked laying under the coffee table,he has some poop on him and was beating off. I looked away, and he looks at us and I can see out of the corner of my eye that he has poop all over his face. Overwhelmed by the smell and the sight I just saw I run into the yard and puke my brains out.

                                Dude comes over 20 minutes later and just says hey sorry about that. Like it wasn't a big deal...


                                Wut...the....fuck..... Some things you cant unsee lol. I feel sorry for you.


                                1989 325is l 1984 euro 320i l 1970 2002 Racecar
                                1991 318i 4dr slick top


                                Euro spec 320i/Alpina B6 3.5 project(the never ending saga)
                                Vintage race car revival (2002 content)
                                Mtech 2 turbo restoration
                                Brilliantrot slick top "build"

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X