The Official "How Do You Wipe Your Ass" Thread

[Rigmaster]

Pics or Ban.............


Scratch that, just Ban.

[NC325iC]

now i see why they call you browntown

[h0lmes]

Did you know that about half of all people stand up to wipe?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

[permit]

Prove it!

[Ray Smoodiver]

Question 1: How much paper; do you use a lot or a little? If you use a little amount, aren't you afraid of touching residues of shit with your bare hand? If you use a lot, do you ever wonder how much extra money you spend a year on TP to satisfy your needs? Do you count the squares you use, or just 'wing it?' And finally, do you fold the squares neatly or wad it up like a piece of trash?

Alot of paper, at least 2ply, I wing it, wad it up like a piece of trash


Question 2: What is your angle of attack? Do you swoop around the side and go back to front? Front to back? While on the can or off? Do you bend over like a cripple and reach through your legs to get the treasure? Maybe you do something odd, like stand up and do it. Do you wipe at all?

Definitely standing up - allows easier inspection, and a drop into the bowl


Question 3: How do you know you're done? Do you inspect the damage done to the TP and gauge it that way? Do you do it based on feel? Do you wipe until there's no more brown on the TP? If you do do it more than once, aren't you concerned about clogging the John?

Wipe until clear


Question 4: Do you wash your hands? With soap? With hand sanitizer? With your pants? If not, is it because you like to sniff your fingers throughout the day because you lack the ability to fart on command and get lonely when you're without that, "Oh, that was a little wet," scent?

Wash with soap

[golde30]

2ply, 5squares folded up 2x to make a rectangle.

back+sides to front. fold and repeat. 2x per folded bunch.

wipe till clean.

wash hands with warm water+ soap.

[blunttech]

wow this is nice. i dont know how i missed this thread. im all for the meaningful threads and i commend the author.
i cant add to this thread anymore than you all have. i wipe sitting down and i always check the paper. i have recently started using this toilet paper i buy for my wifes business and its not bunghole friendly. thats my only complaint.
i once took a shit in an empty milk carton in the back of a milk truck and wiped my ass with my underwear and threw them out the window of said truck at 50 mph with a huge shitstain on them. that was when i was a milkman way back in the late 70's.

[Jand3rson]

Key's to getting the morning poop ready to go: caffeine and cigarettes --- sti mulants make you shit, ask anyone that has done blow.

God, is that the truth. I don't smoke, but my coffee always has me throne-bound within a half-hour.

That being said, I pretty much echo Derek's post. I don't cheap out on toilet paper, I buy the best. I don't care if it's $.80 cheaper to buy the other and you get 2 more rolls. I use enough to get the job done, folded neatly in ALWAYS even numbers of squares, and go until it comes back white. And if I happen to be at home and in the hall bathroom where the surplus baby wipes are stored, I'll employ a few of those, as well.

[permit]

Ah, good addition--moist baby wipes. I've had the privilege of using those a few times.

[Funkmasta]

baby wipes ftw.
I'm too cheap though. Kirkland Signature 2ply works just fine.

seriously though. I made fun of my friend when he let me in on the baby wipe secret. I was wrong though, It really is the best way...

[StereoInstaller1]

A friend of mine once said "there is nothing so overrated as a lame fuck; nothing so underrated as a good shit"

I am the King of Regularity...ask anyone who knows me.

Luke

[german g]

If you ever get a hard-on while shitting you are gay.

[DarkWing6]

First of all did you know they acutally make a baby wipe type wipe for adults. They are nice but expensive. If you go that route I recommend only using it for a finishing wipe to get any remaining residue.


Now I have an additional question to ask.

What would you guys define as standing to wipe? I'm not sure if I am a stander or a sitter really. Would standing be fully up knees amost completely unbent? How would you actually wipe if your cheeks never left the seat, through your legs? I lift from the seat but don't fully stand. I couldn't imagine going all the way up. Discuss.

[permit]

What would you guys define as standing to wipe? I'm not sure if I am a stander or a sitter really. Would standing be fully up knees amost completely unbent? How would you actually wipe if your cheeks never left the seat, through your legs? I lift from the seat but don't fully stand. I couldn't imagine going all the way up. Discuss.

Standing wipe is no ass on seat, with knees almost fully locked. I don't think you can wipe through your legs with both cheeks on the seat....you'd have to be very little.

[equate975]

I roll 2 sheets around my index finger and wipe around the hemorrhoids to avoid bloodshed.