Explain Marriage to me.

[HST]

I am actually getting married on July 7th of this year, and have been with my fiance for 4 years.

LOL 07/07/07 tits!!! I enjoy marriage, it is nice to know that you have someone when you have a shitty day at work, etc... The "domestic support", cooking cleaning ect is great as well. Sharing commitment to achieving the same goals as a team effort is nice as well. You do have to agree to things before marriage, such as if your wife is gonna work, or be a stay at home MOM if/when you have kids, who is gonna handle money - normally the man does this, but I have meet women that are better at it, and what your life goals - kids, home owner ship, religion. A lot of marriage is is adapting to all the shit that you don't expect, and as a team getting through it. This alone is the biggest builder of a good marriage, IMO. Also not going to sleep mad.:D

[FredK]

If the man is the type of person that washes the dishes immedately after dinner while the woman likes to let dishes sit in the sink for a couple of days before she decides to do anything about it, the marriage will not work unless he is willing to tolerate her being sloppy and she is willing to tolerate him being such a neat freak.

I am not a neat freak. But people that don't wash dishes right after dinner are the devil. Everything else can go to shit, but don't fuck with the sanctity of dinner. It's like leaving a mile long bowlwinder in the crapper and not flushing.

Corollary: Don't fuck with people that are hungry.

[Garageaholic]

Yeah, but how do you know if a minor thing now (like the dishes) won't drive you fucking nuts in let's say 5 years!?!?

How do you have the forsight to see potential problems in the future?

[RobertK]

You are married, correct? I am curious to what you meant more specifically by agreeing on money. Did you mean agreeing who is in control of it, where it goes to, etc.? I certainly agree with the 3 points, I was just curious to your definition of agreeing on money.

Agreeing on money usually means that both of you agree on how money should be spent, you future financial goals are the same, and you also both agree on how you should reach those goals.

Both people should always be involved with the income and outflow of money but usually that "geek" of the two keeps an eye on cash flow and bill payments.

Very interesting thread. I also would like to know some of the views on marriage. After seeing my mom go through 4 divorces and 5 marriages, I, IMO, think marriage is bullshit. The legal process and all and of course, it's expensive!

Don't take this the wrong way but it sounds like your mother has some character flaws that either effect her judgment finding a good husband or person flaws that defeat the purpose of marriage.

I think alot of people use marriage to save a failing relationship, using to effectively hold their spouse hostage. Furthermore, its a archaic tradition and the only reason why i will get married is for heath benefits and the like (no common law in Oh). I dont need a contract with my girlfriend to keep her with me. If she or I want to peace, theres no need to mess it up with a divorce.

If that's how you really see the purpose of marriage then you are way to immature to understand it to begin with. I was with my wife 5 years before we were married. I asked her to marry because after 5 years of good and bad I still could not imagine the rest of my life without her.


Last,
For those who claim to be Christians there's of course always Proverbs 31:10-38

[Garageaholic]

Last,
For those who claim to be Christians there's of course always Proverbs 31:10-38

For those of you who don't know....

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2031:10-38&version=31

[rwh11385]

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5068b_qa.html

[Jscotty]

Yeah, but how do you know if a minor thing now (like the dishes) won't drive you fucking nuts in let's say 5 years!?!?

How do you have the forsight to see potential problems in the future?

It really begins with knowing who you are and what you are able to deal with. I know from personal experience that the role of being the "yes man" can last only until frustration sets in and the relationship falls apart.

Secondly, it comes down to being able to effectively communicate. Usually if you ask the right questions, you know who you are dealing with in a matter of minutes. One thing that I learned is that if you can get someone to talk freely, you will learn just about anything you need to know about them without specifically asking them. Like when it comes to the dishes, I know whether or not a woman is a neat or sloppy person based on what she says about her kitchen and bathroom. A woman that can talk enthusicastically in detail about her bathroom is probably a clean and neat person. Granted if a woman simply says, "Oh, its just a bathroom." that does not necessarily mean that she is sloppy but if I ever go to her house and she cannot invite me in or she has to leave the room immediately upon our arrival, that indicates that there is some degree of sloppyness.

And all of that to say that if you KNOW that you cannot tolerate things that are sloppy and nasty regardless of how good the girl looks or how great her personality is, you will not be happy as her husband. You will be totally miserable.

[Dave]

marriage is good. of course its a trade off but you will live longer married. sure, when youre in your 20's you think marriage sucks. but before you know it youll be my age and its really nice to have someone to share life with who is committed to you. nothing more sad than seeing some old fuck cruising the bars looking for divorcee ass. and the older men and women get the more baggage they bring to the table.i would hate to be single. i love it when my wife goes out of town for 4 or 5 days because i can do whatever i want . but after 2 days im wishing she were back. theres also tax benefits and the fact you can raise a family if you choose to. i mean a real family, not a bunch of bastard children. and then theres those delicious sandwiches

B-I-N-G-O

[colombacho]

marriage is good. of course its a trade off but you will live longer married. sure, when youre in your 20's you think marriage sucks. but before you know it youll be my age and its really nice to have someone to share life with who is committed to you. nothing more sad than seeing some old fuck cruising the bars looking for divorcee ass. and the older men and women get the more baggage they bring to the table.i would hate to be single. i love it when my wife goes out of town for 4 or 5 days because i can do whatever i want . but after 2 days im wishing she were back. theres also tax benefits and the fact you can raise a family if you choose to. i mean a real family, not a bunch of bastard children. and then theres those delicious sandwiches

MMmmmmmm! sandwiches...and clean underwear.

[ivo316]

Well, agreeing on money means sayin "Yes dear".

Agreeing on your kid's schools means saying "Yes dear"

All her money is her's to spend

All your money is her's to spend.

"Yes dear", the two words that you need to learn to have a perfect marriage.

But then all of a sudden she'll say "But you never express your opinion", file for divorce and remarry a guy that beats her.

You don't need to understand them, just love them.

[Jscotty]

But then all of a sudden she'll say "But you never express your opinion"

Thats because my opinion is always the wrong one.

[e30prideTN]

Don't take this the wrong way but it sounds like your mother has some character flaws that either effect her judgment finding a good husband or person flaws that defeat the purpose of marriage.

Don't we all have character flaws?
I didn't add the part about her being bipolar and being misdiagnosed for 10 years + POS men + bad judgment.

She got married for all the wrong reasons; wanting a "father" for her children. Now I can say she has found "the one," and there couldn't be anyone better for her. Oh, and she's finally correctly diagnosed;)
But seeing it all, made me learn...don't make the mistake that'll cost my whole life. I almost did once, glad I didn't follow through.

[e30prideTN]

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/grap...i5068b_qa.html

Thanks for this link! I have been reading it for the last few hours and I have already learned A LOT of insight. Made me realize that I am clueless about making a relationship work. I'm going to cook an extra delicious dinner for my bf tonight ;) Gotta make deposits into the Love Bank.

[Jscotty]

I prefer the term "ATM" - The Ass and Titty Machine. I make deposits on a regular basis and when I want to have some fun, I just put in my pin number and.. oh... yeah..

[Garageaholic]

...her being bipolar and being ...

You know....the earth is bipolar...